Should I be cross if DH went to lap dancing club?

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...and spent £60 on private dances (we aren't poor and he doesn't spend money on much that is frivolous).

Other people seem to think I should be cross but I can't see it. Am I being a mug? Is it a sign of disrespect?

He got a bit of female attention outside the marriage. He was consenting. They were consenting. I knew he was going there. There doesn't seem like there is a risk of him forming a relationship with the women but if a woman behaved that way with him in a regular nightclub that seems more of a threat to me.

He came home horny as hell and seemed like he had a good break from the stress of his job.

the 'illegal trafficking of people'

so not just the sex industry then? that includes all the aisans that are trafficked into britain to do menial labour, like those chinese who sadly dies a couple of years ago clam picking on a beach. or like those being trafficked in from african countries who are trying to escape persecutation and violance and pay a criminal gang to bring them into the country.

not everything can be turned into black and white statistics.... human trafficking encompasses far more than just women being forced into the sex trade.

Blimey, these threads always end up like this.

OP, were you looking for a fight? If so, you got one!

It's clearly a very personal thing. Some people are ok with it, some aren't. Why can't we all just agree to disagree?

for me,it isnt the issue of whether these women are being exploited or issues around trafficking etc,but the effect the normalisation of these kind of establishments is having on society and its attitudes to women as a whole.

i cant imagine a man who's been brought up to respect women and see them as equal visiting a lap-dancing club/strip club/brothel.and i just cant see why a woman who has healthy self-esteem would want to do this sort of work.

those are your issues though divastrop, just because you can't imagine it doesn't mean it's not possible.

dp is an extremely respectful person who always treats me as an equal partner and is more feminist than i am.... yet he started a relationship with me while i was stripping and had visited strip clubs. there are very few men who haven't been to a strip club at some point and if you think that isn't true you really need to open your eyes.

as for self esteem.... i was working in the bar of a club before i started dancing and my self esteem and self confidance sky rocketed once i decided i was sick of earning 36 euros a night while these women earned 360+ for the same amount of hours doing less work and being better protected (bar management was differant to club management so the bouncers protected the dancers but not the barstaff unless something serious was going on, we had to deal with gropers ourselves. although oddly there were less gropers than other pubs and clubs i worked in simply because the bouncers were there)

i didnt think self-esteem had anything to do with how much you earn?

how do you know that most men have visited a strip club at some time?i find that is another of the lines trawled out in these threads.unless somebody has done a huge survey of most men then how does anybody actually know this for sure?

personally,i think alot of men who visit such clubs just say that to make it sound less seedy and more 'normal'

because i've never yet come across one who hasn't, not in any walk of life or age group. and due to my previous job it has come up in conversation with most men i've spoken to.

95% percent of the clientele of a strip club are lads out for a boys night (or in some cases a girls night) of fun. yes there are some seedy men who are regulars..... there are very few of them though, not many men have the money and the inclination to go regualrly and you need to have both to make a habit of it.

Dittany: it remains to be seen whether the changes in Sweden and Holland will prove beneficial to sex workers, women and men, or the reverse (there is, I believe, some concern from sex workers' organisations in Sweden about the new laws). This doesn't change the fact that for years previously, a liberal attitude towards sex has been coupled with societies that have good mternity provision, more women in power, etc etc as opposed to the societies which restrict and repress all kinds of sexual activity and, er, don't allow women to drive cars, for instance.

I see it as Men being in control and women still being their maid

Wouldnt bother me if it was a one-off stag do thing and all the guys were getting them.

Would be annoyed if it was a regular thing (bloody come home and touch me for free!!) and I would be pissed off it her did it and kept it from me.

If it's once or twice in the context of a stag do then I see it as a bit of harmless escapism.

sgb-who is talking about a liberal attitude towards sex?this discussion is about lap-dancing clubs,not sex.

pinktulips-just because most men you have met have been to a brothel doesnt mean that most men in the world have been to one

i'm getting quite irritated by you repeatedly calling me a prostitute divastrop

a lap dancing club and a brothel are not the same thing in any way shape or form and if you really are too dim to understand that then i sugggest you stop posting on this thread as your wasting everyones time joining in a debate which you clearly don't understand.

If a man finds a woman so physically beautiful and is impressed by her skill at dancing and feels turned on by her that he pays her good money to dance for him is he disrespecting her? My DH seemed really impressed by the women. I asked him whether he thought a woman would pay him to wave his bits in her face and he laughed and said "Who wants an ugly bastard like me waving my bits in their face"! So he seems to think the women are better than him rather than subordinate. Women are physically more attractive than men, like peacocks are more attractive than peahens. Men appreciate this.

you really have no idea what a lap dance is do you dittany?

sexually service...... pmsl!

entertain and amuse yes.

sexually service? afraid not.... it's a 3 minute dance, most of which is done with clothes on. all of which is done from a distance and there is no physical contact at all.

if a man is going to be 'sexually serviced' by that then he must walk around blowing his load at 5 minute intervals all day long.

i really wish the women who insist on posting on these threads would at least try to have at least a basic knowledge of what they're argueing against, i'd have more respect for them then.... but to argue against something you have absolutely no knowledge about whatsoever is simply ridiculous, and quite wearing for those of us who do know what we're talking about.

and for the record, dp treats me with more respect and equality than the vast majority of 'respectable' men who lie to their wives about whether they'd visit a lap dancing club.

i read threads on here every day that shock and horrify me at how some middle class women allow themselves to be treated by their husbands or partners, and these are the same women who pile onto these threads full of shock and outrage at the mereest mention of the sex industry

All of the "lovely" DH's who went to the lap dancing club on my DH's conference trip lie to their wives about going to see dancers.

Don't think that is respecting wives/gf's do you??

What the little woman doesn't know doesn't hurt her is what they said. What a bunch of tossers eh?

15 out of 17 men all did it and said the same thing.

My DH has no reason to tell lies. There was sexual contact. You can deny it all you like but it did happen.

What exactly is wrong with providing a (legal) sexual service anyway? (Assuming both parties are consenting and all that).

We (some of us) pay for support during labour and childbirth. We pay for childcare, for someone to clean our homes, to shift our shit off our toilets and to have our underwear laundered. We pay for our elderly and/or mobility-impaired to be washed, we pay for our mentally-disordered to be looked after. We'll pay someone to do our food shopping, plan our meals and our exercise routines.

We'll pay an accountant to look after our tax affairs and a doctor to look after our physical well-being. We'll pay a lawyer to sort out legal issues - house purchase, rental contract, any criminal stuff. We'll pay for bigger/smaller boobs/tummies/thighs. We'll pay to pour out our inner conflicts and fears.

We'll pay to get naked and be touched.

All of these are pretty intimate and personal, but they're all OK - but paying for sex is a step too far? I just don't get it.

I have met many slappers women from Spearmint Rhino and yet to find one that could make a fortune with her brain but chose a sexual path, mmm funny that.
Lazy arguement to dispute the basis of sex is about enjoyment of two consenting adults in which neither is exploited by saying domestic violence exists....
If a woman could earn the same money per hour as a lapdancer working in an industry that uses her brain and does not encourage the objectification of women, they would wouldn't they. Would not most people prefer to be admired for their brain than their tits and arse? it's not so difficult an idea, right?

Pinktulips... he had so much respect for a profession that you no longer practice in? Why not? Such an admirable occupation one wonders why you gave up. As for most men having visited a lap dancing bar I am struggling to see how this means that it is okay? Most people binge drink it doesn't mean it doesn't harm the liver.
Your self esteem had a price too, the money lead you to believe that stripping was better than bar work. You worked somewhere that found it acceptable that you were groped?? I wonder if this would have been the case if it was not attached to a lap dancing bar? I attended private members bars in London where people were thrown out for touching bar staff, sounds like your employers were wankers.

'I see it as Men being in control and women still being their maid'. I agree too. Women are kidding themselves of they think it is liberating or harmless fun, maybe they feel if they were against it, they would be 'uptight'. In what way does it benefit women to be seen as sexual objects? Not just the ones doing it, but wider society.

I wonder if some women who are so venomous about women making money from looking beautiful and call them slappers and brainless are just jealous and angry that they don't feel attractive enough to do a job like that.