Should I be cross if DH went to lap dancing club?

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...and spent £60 on private dances (we aren't poor and he doesn't spend money on much that is frivolous).

Other people seem to think I should be cross but I can't see it. Am I being a mug? Is it a sign of disrespect?

He got a bit of female attention outside the marriage. He was consenting. They were consenting. I knew he was going there. There doesn't seem like there is a risk of him forming a relationship with the women but if a woman behaved that way with him in a regular nightclub that seems more of a threat to me.

He came home horny as hell and seemed like he had a good break from the stress of his job.

"So does that mean that men were constantly droopy in the age before pornography and lap-dancing, if they are supposed to be more "visual" sex? What did the poor chaps do back then?" I was responding to this bit from your post. I was asking when the age before pornography was...

when did i say that the majority of men are sexual predators who cant control their sexual desires?

im pretty sure i didnt.what i said was alot of men dont think they need to control their sexual desires,and i do think there are quite a few of them around,such as all the husbands who rape their wives because they belive they have the right to sex with them,and all the men who rape women who were 'coming on to' them or 'asking for it'.the numbers of rapes and sexual assaults which go unreported in this country would suggest that there are alot of men who dont control their sexual urges,and think thats perfectly ok.

"So.. it's unballanced. Is it the fact that it is unbalanced which you dislike or do you just dislike porn all together?"

It's difficult to explain. But let me say first that I personally don't get porn. It does nothing for me and never has. That said, I believe that because of gendered bullshit, men are channeled down a route that takes them to over-reliance on objectification (included in this objectification is an accompanying over-reliance on the visual, etc - the male gaze and so on). Meanwhile women are channeled down a different set of paths. I think there are more women out there who, if things were arranged differently, might get something out of looking at porn images. And, conversely, I think that with different expectations placed upon them, far more lads would grow into men who couldn't give a fuck about wank mags, porn sites or regarding women as for the most part pieces of meat.

fatbob-i have come to the conclusion that you are a pretentious,immature student who has a weed addiction and a weight problem,and no social life,so you its no wonder you use porn and visit lap-dancing clubs.

get a life.

"fatbob-i have come to the conclusion that you are a pretentious,immature student who has a weed addiction and a weight problem,and no social life,so you its no wonder you use porn and visit lap-dancing clubs."

The weight problem comes from the name I guess? The weed reference was clearly a joke. And because Fatbob dares to have an opinion which differs from your own, he must be immature and be frequenting lap-dance clubs frequently just because he is a sleaze to start with?

You base this on what you really know or just on your prejudices?

"If men are so visual, what did they do before the mass availability of the sex industry to meet this "visual" sexual need or were they all impotent? "

Well, firstly I have to completely disagree that our grandmothers did not have to be or want to be sexy and it is not true at all that men only had access to pornography until recently. That's why I asked you how recently you meant.

As I completely disagree with the 'facts' you present as being true RE porn and how recent it is. I don't see how I can answer your question in any other way than to say.... before your idea of when men had access to porn, men got their visual kicks through - erm ... porn. just not the same way as they do today.

Yes - the men alive before the 1900's or there about would not have had access to Videoed porn, but they would have access to porn. Where does Mata Hari figure in all this for example?

they would have had access to the naked female form in a sexual setting.

Wikepedia says "the concept of pornography as understood today did not exist until the Victorian era. " As we understand it today! When was the camera invented? As technology has changed pornography has been distributed in different ways. that doesn't mean it was invented when the camera was invented, just that it is delivered in different ways.

but I don't want to row with you, it's just a difference of opinion. I doubt you can persuade me to change what I think and I am sure I can't change what you think.

It's good to debate though.

Before porn was widely available, men probably just ogled women in the street. What about those old fashioned dresses women used to wear with half their breasts hanging out! Those women were trying to look sexy for men! From the impression I get from talking to people, women don't seem to ogle as much as men, they seem to get more turned on after interacting with a man first.

I read somewhere that some women are 'cool' about their DPs going to these clubs etc to try and be like 'one of the guys' as a if you can't beat em join em type thing. Not really empowering underneath the surface. I don't think a culure which involves women cutting their healthy bodies and altering them to suit men is very healthy. For people non concerned with lap clubs, how will you explain them to your daughters (if you have them) when they are older?

I am not saying that they were consumers in the way they are today at all.. I am saying the suggestion that men didn't use porn before our grandmothers time quite wrong. As is the idea that all men who use porn or who visit lapdancing clubs to be sexually titilated are sleazbags who can't get a girlfriend. As is the suggestion by divastrop that fat people go to strip clubs because they have no social life and can't get a woman.

beanieb - some erotic art dates back to the 13th century. im sure if they had digi cams then they would have been taking photos

"For people non concerned with lap clubs, how will you explain them to your daughters (if you have them) when they are older?"

and sons?

How would I explain lapdancing clubs to my DD - Women's bodies look beautiful and men like watching them dance so much that they will pay them to dance for them. Men are not as visually beautiful as women so women don't pay them to show off their bodies so much. Men and women have different strengths and are of equal importance. One of women's strengths is that they look beautiful.

Gosh AN, do you really think men aren't as beautiful as women? How odd.

you said majority not me.

Like I said earlier in response to you when you started talking about majorities "I am not saying that they were consumers in the way they are today at all..I am saying the suggestion that men didn't use porn before our grandmothers time quite wrong "

perhaps we have both strayed into an argument we weren't actually having because we are both so detwrmined that our point of view is the right one?

I do! Am I odd? I find men attractive for reasons that are not really to do with beauty in an artistic sense. Anything that shows the contrast between male and female is a turn on for me - the fact that they are bigger, stronger, hairier, rougher, deeper voices etc. If this makes me an unsophisticated cave woman type then so be it! I'm not going to lie about what I like. I could try to like men who make a lot of effort with their appearance and try to act gracefully and be in touch with their feminine sides to fit in with what other people might think I should like but I just wouldn't be turned on by them, it just wouldn't work for me biologically.

Is it acceptable to give a lap-dance to your OH in the privacy of your own home?