Should I be cross if DH went to lap dancing club?

[ActingNormal]

...and spent £60 on private dances (we aren't poor and he doesn't spend money on much that is frivolous).

Other people seem to think I should be cross but I can't see it. Am I being a mug? Is it a sign of disrespect?

He got a bit of female attention outside the marriage. He was consenting. They were consenting. I knew he was going there. There doesn't seem like there is a risk of him forming a relationship with the women but if a woman behaved that way with him in a regular nightclub that seems more of a threat to me.

He came home horny as hell and seemed like he had a good break from the stress of his job.

(The question is, though, what makes them "need the visual"?

This is the crux of it. If it's a social thing, it can be changed. )

Good luck with that lol

Yeah right on, pal. Way to think beyond your bell-end.

yada yada yada... yawn

"Wow, Mr L. I am both impressed and refreshed by your post."

I just don't get the porn, lap/pole dancing thing. It's partly the way I am anyway, but also I think a bigger part of it comes from reading and thinking about the kind of stuff covered by this thread. There's some fucking brilliant discussion in these 17 odd pages. I was trying to get on with other things last night but couldn't stop reading it all.

to everyone thats thinks its ok, how would you feel if it was your daughter doing it?

"We do need more men to give an opinion I think, I would love to know what men think about women who think they (men)as a whole are unable to control themselves or their sexual desires or act appropriately."

I think there is a problem amongst men in general, so I'd probably agree with those women, yeah. Men piss me off on a regular basis with that kind of bollocks. So much so that I want no part of it. If I got invited to a lap dancing club stag do type thing I'd tell them to fucking shove it. Absolutely.

But...I've never had to. I've had various circles of mates over the years, and they just weren't into it. We'd prefer to go watch a band or whatever. I dunno. Get some cans and draw in and get wrecked playing golden eye on the nintendo. Shite like that. Or even just sit there talking crap about books and politics. Fuck knows.

"Yes some men are perdatory and some men do rape but i don't think it's fair to suggest that the majority of men who are turned on by visual stimulous are going to turn into rapists or predators depending on the amount of visual stimulous they are exposed to or that the very fact they are turned on by these things is wrong."

I agree and think that even angela dworkin would've concurred. That's not really the point, though. Or should I say, I don't think anyone on this thread has suggested that. If they did, I missed it.

"yada yada yada... yawn"

That's it my son!! Geddin there with the incisive observation, the witty masculine bon mot, the perfect internet put-down. Then, whilst you're recovering from the herculean effort this seems to require, post something relevant and interesting.

cant im stoned

Fatbob, Are you for real?

My DH's mother had a breasts cake for his 18th birthday, bought him one of those vile aprons (french maid) and his father congratualted him everytime he took a girl home. Talk about indoctrination. Masculinity being defined by disrespect for women, the more you have the more man you are.

Thankfully he was his own man by the time I met him and had moved away from the idiot he so easily could have become.

pokes bob with stick

Come on!! Put 'em up!

dances around zonked-out bob with dukes raised

Where's all your fire gone bob?? Eh? Get that testosterone bubbling!!

Fatbob is stoned and he visits lap dancing bars, he is like a dream man.

twelvelegs is a little bit slow.

Actually tired.... fatbob.

lizinthesticks
Twelvelegs
dittany

im going to ignore you 3 now, it's really not worth it, i might as well go outside and throw my shoes in the air to try and move the clouds or something.

The best way to ignore someone is to tell them, you're so grown up!!

Dunner be like that bob.

Take my shoes off,
And throw them in the lake,
And I'll be
Two steps on the water.

"the age before pornography "

how far back do you want to go? Pornography didn't start in the 1950's you know!

Also - the porn industry isn't just there for men, women get turned on by it too.

Yes but it's a tad unbalanced, no? And with that imbalance comes a corresponding imbalance in power, profits and wealth. How many porn films are directed and produced by women? A tiny proportion, surely? How many pimps of women prostitutes are women? How many lap dancing clubs are owned by women? On it goes in this way - the damaging disparities written through the whole fucking structure like letters through seaside rock.

Simply saying I'm a woman and I get turned on by watching porn is a bit vapid in light of this.

So.. it's unballanced. Is it the fact that it is unbalanced which you dislike or do you just dislike porn all together?

I posted what I did becuase of the discussion about how the sexes are turned on.
My point is that men are turned on by visual stimulai, even if it is just seeing their sexual partners breasts etc, but women can be too.

If there is a demand for something, people will try to make money out of it. The reason there aren't as many male stripper places for women to go to as places for men to look at women is because women just aren't so into it as men. Would you go regularly to these sort of places apart from just for a laugh as a one off thing? I think this does prove that men are more biologically visual than women.

A lot of men don't go to lap-dancing clubs regularly, and often when they do it's for a bit of a laugh. Why is it ok for women to have a 'bit of a laugh' but not men

People seem to think that ALL men who go are sleazebags, regardless of why they go or how often.

how rude.

"If there is a demand for something, people will try to make money out of it. The reason there aren't as many male stripper places for women to go to as places for men to look at women is because women just aren't so into it as men. Would you go regularly to these sort of places apart from just for a laugh as a one off thing? I think this does prove that men are more biologically visual than women."

"Just aren't into it" - well, apparently they are. Look at this thread for evidence. Of course, you will say not in as many numbers. But as I've argued, that is because of the way our culture prescribes the way in which sexuality and sexual desire takes place. And it most certainly does NOT lead to the conclusion that this is because of some sort of biological reasons. You could do a lot worse than follow the link I posted. But failing that, read about the ways in which sexuality and desire take place in other cultures - both now and historically. The range of practices is extremely diverse.

In any case, even if the so-called biological drives do play a part, they are far from decisive. We're not prisoners - and to go down that root is to let men off the hook for all kinds of unforgivable shite. So don't go there.