Glam & fab part 7 - from strength to strength

[UC]

Thought I'd start this one off on a positive spin? Hope you all find it..

Ginnny - have sent you a message on FB and tried to add you as a friend. Hope you don't think I'm poking my nose in - I won't be offended if you say (politely) to do one

Thanks Cash. Love your profile pic!!!

Ginny
Sorry you are having to go through this and the kids. Not much practical advice but cnc looks like she has
Take care!

Ginny am so sorry about this, how awful

Cash, you're a star. Definitely listen to cash's advice!

Things are bad here. Very bad. Weekend is off. He still hasn't told her. It ended up in an explosive telephone conversation last night where he promised (again!) that things would change and he'd start putting me first.

He still hasn't done it today.

So I got arsey. As you'd expect! And he flipped and said he's not telling her the truth because he can't deal with the fallout right now, he can't deal with the hassle from her and he just wants things to stay quiet as they are!!!!

So where do I factor in all of this?! Exactly! Nowhere. As usual. And I'm sick to death of it. I'm not being unreasonable here am I! All I want is him to stop treating me like the OW, show me he's committed to me, and finally start telling the TRUTH so we all know where we stand!

Am I actually the WIFE of this man?!

He still can't do it!

I'm gutted. I had everything lined up. Things borrowed off friends that we need. Everything planned. I actually had faith that he'd do this. Faith that he understood how important it was and why I needed it.

Nope.

I guess it really is the end of the road. 1 thing. 1 thing I needed. The truth. From him. And he couldn't do it.

I can finally stop boroing you all now!

Oh Baffy
He doesn't deserve you, you have given him chance after chance and every time he throws it back in your face and puts everyone else before you.
I'd like to slap some sense into him, I really would!
What will you do now?
I am changing tactics now (following Cash's excellent advice - thank you so much) and I am now adopting the tried and tested TFM withdrawal method. I'm not giving him the satisfaction of seeing me react to him any more. He is feeding off my reactions all the time and it has to stop.
He's left me in piles of debt and with a knackered car, but at least I'll have my self respect

baffy

ginny

cannot believe these men.

cash, i promise i will email you shortly. i do actually need some advice on contact issues.

we have made some progress on agreeing contact. remains to be seen if it works out tho.

Hiyah - took me a while to catch up

Baffy people cross continents in the name of love - I think a little honesty from him bearing in mind everything he has done is not too much to ask. I cant really say anything else...I still dont think from your descriptions of who he is that he is good enough for you, you just need time to come to that decision for yourself and to believe that you deserve better.

Ginny - I was worried when you said about his behaviour on holiday as it was abusive, he sounds like he is completely off the rails now. I appreciate that you do not want to antagonze him but you cannot spend the rest of your life treading on eggshells PLEASE ask someone for help be it womens aid or the police they deal with this every day.

Hi to everyone else - im taking the school hols as an opportunity to reduce my mumnet usage but you can still get me on FB if needed

Baffy can I be second in the queue to slap him after ginny

Line up girls

Ginny I'm doing exactly the same as you. Back to TFM's advice and I'm leaving him to it. For good. I'm not sure anything he does now could make this up to me.

Don't know if I'm in shock or relieved. Gutted. Confused. But also well rid. I do deserve better. And I don't think he's capable of being the husband I deserve.

hey baffy, have you still got time booked off next week?

wanna come on hols with me and dd? got a spare room in my caravan from monday till Friday and it would be fanblardytastic if you came down.

cash, i have finally FB'd you!

Baffy, get that divorce sorted out. You really are wasting your time.

Sending good vibes to you all

Baffy so sorry but it isn't any less than we expected.
I can't imagine how let down you must feel. But he knew this was make or break for you and him so obviously he chooses the 'easy' life regardless of what happens with him and you.
I am so sorry but i hope you can stick to what you say on this. I often wonder if he thinks that you are the constant non kicking off type so it's easier to let you down than her! FGS they aren't even together she may not even give a s**t!

Ginny good on you i think he is feeding off you as you give him someone else to blame other than himself!

Paddle get that Baffy and drag her and ds away with you you will have a blast!

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Baffy you have described exactly how I feel. I don't know if I'm relieved or gutted. My step dad has been this afternoon and changed the locks for me so I'll feel a lot safer.
We all deserve better than the treatment we are dished out and hopefully now we can move on and one day meet someone who will treat us properly. Not much to ask is it.
Go Baffy and PC - you can be like Thelma and Louise!!!

Message withdrawn

Ginnny - glad your locks have been changed. Good advice from Cash re. boundaries if you go down the solicitor/injunction route.

Baffy - how many times can this man disappoint you ffs? How dare he think he's entitled to a quiet life. He fucked up and now he has to clean up. Simple as. Keeping you both sweet is impossible so he will always be making a choice. Doing nothing is also a choice because he is not respecting your limits - ergo choosing her or himself. All mouth and no action. I feel furious. Fuck knows how you must feel I bet you feel worn out with it all.

Dh still going for counselling. I am glad. He doesn't really talk about these things with me, but it seems to help him. He wanted us to go for a meal with ds to celebrate our anniversary. I told him in as nice a way possible that I would rather we didn't celebrate it this year. I am happy to accept the rings back and the eternity ring as a token of his commitment, but it is the first anniversary since I found out about the infidelity (hurts to think we celebrated it last year without me knowing about his affair)and I just can't bring myself to celebrate it. I feel similarly about Valentines Day, as this is when I made the discovery. He looked quite crushed but said he understood. I feel terrible. I told him it's not to punish him, I just would rather we get these milestones out the way. It will be better next time I'm sure. Though I'm not sure I will ever want to celebrate Valentines Day again. It wasn't a huge event for us anyway, so I doubt it will be a big loss for either of us.

oh Baffy Why on earth won't he tell her - if you do get back together properly she not only will have to know but deal with it and you being around Why can't he do it now when YOU need him to what difference does it make when he tells her?? Sorry but is there more to this?? What is he telling her??
I do wonder what my H tells his exOW, I am quite sure it is less than complimentary
Oh the usual fucked up rollercoaster here - I lose it tell him how I feel (things I really don't think he would ever forgive - "he is a useless pathetic man" for one )....but of course he is back on charm offensive now - babysitting, running DD1 about, buying me a Wiifit (which I had not been able to find anywhere)....
I truly know there is no way back for us ...but I have no idea how to actually make that split On a positive note it looks like finances slowly coming right - mortgage should be through next week thank god....lots of interest in H flat....and interest in the other shop we own...fingers crossed for me...
Love to all - Ginny seems going from bad to worse hope you are ok
Very very at PC/PP offering you space in her caravan Where are you?? Could we join you wed/thur?? We could get a hotel room if not too far - I have to work Tues and Fri unfortunately!!

Hi

Sorry for posting and running, having hell in work.

Well, just had it all out with him on the phone.

In a nutshell, after I flipped and made it clear I wouldn't go away, he tried to tell her.

Well, not properly! But told her we were 'thinking' of going away for the weekend with ds to our friends wedding.
His words, in short, 'she went mental'. Screamed and shouted and threatened to cause murder.
How did he end the conversation... by telling her the truth, to grow up, that he'll stick by the child no matter what but his personal life is none of her business, that he loves his WIFE...?! Nope.
By saying he'd go ALONE!!!!!

I, as you can imagine, lost it!

I had this boundary set in stone in my head, so there was no way I would go away without her knowing the truth.

He said I was 'putting pressure on him' to do it and couldn't we just get the weekend out of the way and have a nice time away from it all etc etc.

I screamed at him! Obviously saying everything you'd expect, he's known for weeks what I needed, he knew this was the deadline, and yet again, he's put it off in the hope that pathetic little wifey will back down, he can keep OW happy, and still get his weekend away with me and ds.

Cheeky bastard!

I said it's never ever going to change and I'd be an absolute fool to go away, believing he'll do it 'next week', when if he can't do it now he never will.

He said she's threatened to cut him out of the child's life forever if he's with me, and she will accept him seeing ANYONE but me.

Anyone but his own WIFE...

She is going to rule his life forever. No question.

And he honestly made me believe he'd come through this time.

I have no doubt he loves me and wants to be with me. I can tell that. But he actually doesn't see 'love' in the same way that I do. It should be a joint feeling that means you put each other first at the exclusion of all others. His version is to take what he can, make sure he's ok, and then give nothing in return.

I want my son to grow up understanding that this is not the way relationships work and not the way women should be treated.

And as for that cheeky bitch thinking she has the right to dictate that my own husband can not be with me... well I can't find the words I'm that angry right now!

Sorry it's all me me me. I'm that angry I can't even focus right now.

p.s. PC I will come back to you on the caravan. Thanks for the texts

Just need to calm down, clear the fog from my head, and see where I'm at once I can think straight.

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he just can't cope with the extent she'll go to to cause hell, including the usual suicide attempts, and he'd rather keep her sweet than fight for his own wife and his marriage

he is weak, selfish and pathetic

his desire for a quiet life outweighs his love for his wife and current child

tells me everything doesn't it

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I think I was prepared for it this time. As much as I had faith, I always knew that given the track record, there was more likelihood that he'd put himself before me again. I think I've been expecting this.

All I feel is anger tbh.

This is most definitely HIS loss. And he'll regret it as long as he lives. And I will make sure of it - by having the best life ever with my beautiful son.

Thanks for listening to me

He is totally in the grip of her manipulative games unfortunately. So she can have new man but he can't have his wife. Oh ffs it's pathetic. She's got two men dancing to her tune. Baffy, I have no words of comfort or advice I'm afraid. But if I were there I would give you a big hug and pour you an EXTREMELY LARGE glass of wine. You are right not to let him model this type of treatment of women to his son. You've given him every chance. There really isn't much more you can do. That's the worst bit......the lack of control and the reliance on him to deliver.

LL I think that's been a major factor all along. The lack of control. I can't control him. But I can control my actions - and I need to start as I mean to go on now.

How many chances does a person deserve?!

Not this many!

Stupid, selfish excuse for a man.