Glam & fab part 7 - from strength to strength

[UC]

Thought I'd start this one off on a positive spin? Hope you all find it..

also www.gumtree.com/cgi-bin/list_postings.pl?search_terms=V+Festival+Tickets&posting_cat=2477

hope dp's new job works out well too lily.

tbh, i can't see much changing as i'm in no shape mentally or physically to get out there and move on anyway!

Thanks PC but Bums - tried all those and the prices are double what I paid. No chance. At least I've talked to someone in Mumbai on my credit card company and should get my money refunded, but it's going to be such a disappointment. DD tends to be a 'glass half empty' girl anyway, and just the other day she was saying how unlucky she was. The company say they were let down by their suppliers, whatever that means, and have ceased trading. They must be losing a packet!

Oh, how am I going to break it to DD?

Tannee that's terrible. Poor dd. Hope you manage to get some tickets for her from somewhere.
PC - what is it he has a problem with? Is it the commitment to you or juggling all his other commitments? Seems like it might be time to ask him to either shit or get off the pot (pardon my French ). You can't move on with your life all the time he is on the sidelines (which probably suits him fine but it really isn't fair on you)
Baffy - he knows what he has to do, its whether he's got the backbone to do it now. I hope he does and you don't end up let down again.
I bloody hate men.
X is on another bender today. I know I shouldn't care any more, but I guess I'm not as over him as I want to be. Part of me was hoping he'd change this time. How deluded am I? He'll never change. I hate seeing him do this to himself. He used to be so good looking, now he's turning into a paunchy old alkie.
Oh well. No going back. Just got to get on with it now.

Ginnny, - I know you are stepping away from him, but that doesn't stop you caring. It's so hard to see someone you love destroying themselves.

Off home now to break the bad news. I guess what I'll do is give her the money for her ticket and she can book up some other gigs with it. But we were SO looking forward to the fabulous lineup and it was going to be my big chance to be a middle-aged rock chick!

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Dior thank you

I know exactly where you're coming from. I promise I'm not backing down this time. I know he's stalling and I know why. She will kick off, and his peace and quiet will be over. He has some massive things to face when he tells her. They haven't discussed anything. Whether he'll attend appointments with her, whether he'll be at the birth, how his access might work and whether she'll even let him see the child without her. He has no idea about any of it. They are bringing a child into the world FFS and neither of them knows how the hell they plan to cope and what they need to do to make this work.

I'm not defending him. Far from it. He's made his bed and he needs to bloody face up to the reality of the situation he's created.

But tbh I don't even care how he sorts it. That's up to him. It's his mess and he needs to deal with it like a man.

This is about me and him now. He knows full well this is the minimum I need from him. And I think this wedding, and the fact he really wants (needs?) us to go as a family, is a natural deadline.

I could go absolutely mental now and force him into doing it immediately. But I figure after 18 months of waiting I can cope with 1 more week.

I know how frustrating it is for all of you. And I don't blame you for wanting to kick his arse for me!

I also know that there really is every chance that he won't tell her. That he won't face up to this and won't put me first.

And I'm prepared for it. Honestly, I'm prepared for it. If he doesn't, I have my answer.

My dad is back in Spain next week. If the worst happens I will head over there with ds (using the hols I would have used for this wedding) and when I come back I will be having a fresh start and will never look back. I owe it to myself to put an end to the way I've been treated and to start building a future again. It's up to him if he's in it.

It will be sorted one way or another this week.

Thanks for the amazing support though. It means a lot that you care so much xx

x posts - you haven't pissed me off at all. Far from it. I totally see where you're coming from and fwiw I agree with you! I have my last ounce of faith in him with this. But I won't be surprised if the outcome is her coming first. I guess I'm used to it.

It could be the week that things finally change. Or he'll carry on the same and I'll know he'll never change. We'll see.

Thanks tho

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Back from my surprise trip away. It was Rome. He gave me my rings back - and an eternity ring. It was a lovely moment but tinged with sadness. The eternity ring would've meant so much more had he not been unfaithful. But he can't change that can he. I didn't tell him how I felt. I didn't want to make him feel deflated. He put a lot of time and effort into the trip and he was scared of being rejected. It was a lovely mini-holiday though.

Baffy - I hope he comes through for you this week. It must be scary for you as the deadline looms. I have everything crossed. He needs to deliver. You are right, he is missing out on so much with you and ds. Your time in the hotel jacuzzi sounded like so much fun

Dior - well done on the continued weight loss. A stone - you go girl

Ginnny - so sorry and angry to hear how xp behaved on your holiday. There are no polite or diplomatic words to use to describe his behaviour, so I will refrain if you don't mind. I hope you are ok and so glad you have friends for support.

Hello everyone else. Will do my best to catch up.

Thank you.

To be totally honest I'm fed up of the whole bloody thing. Fed up of worrying about his problems. Fed up of walking on eggshells. Fed up of wondering what that psycho bitch will throw at us next.

I will give every ounce of strength and love I have to this marriage. But frankly, if he lets me down one more time, I will walk away forever and do you know what - it will be a big bloody relief!

Either way I can't lose now.
If he choses her he's destined to a lifetime of shit. And he'll deserve everything she throws at him.

His choice.

Although I can't help thinking he made his choice 18 months ago and that's the top and bottom of it.

I'm sure my life was supposed to be more than this. I'm not quite sure what I did to deserve it all.

Onwards and upwards now. Has to be!

(Sorry for rant - feeling really fed up tonight. As you can tell!)

x-posts LL. Good to have you back. And that's lovely. I'm glad you had a nice time. And fwiw I think you did the right thing in not mentioning how you felt. There's definitely a right time and place for these things, and I'm glad you kept the moment special and made some lovely new memories.

Don't forget, he'll be having all those exact same thoughts too, without you spelling it out. Important thing is that he's doing everything he can to make it right. And that sounded lovely

Thanks Baffy I don't mean to sound so casual about it all. I'm still trying to suss out how I feel. Having a quiet reflective day today. It's easier to be happy when you're away from the day to day routine. Though I did miss ds a lot. I hope you get the opportunity for h to make it up to you.

Thanks LL

I'm not sure he's going to tbh. It's not looking good. I just need to know either way now, it's gone on far too long as it is.

Hope everyone has a lovely day today.

LL how lovely it's a double edged sword that one !

We went to Rome pre affair and tbh part of it i took for granted we even managed to have an argument over something so trivial whils there , can't even remember what . So at least it sounds like you savoured every moment.

I think it's always hard not to get overwhelmed when something nice happens by what has preceeded it but that's par for the course now! It does send you into a frenzy sometimes but you have to take a step back and see how much effort they are putting in as you say what has happened can't be changed but what happens in the future can.

It sounds like he is putting in 100% and i am sure he knew you were wobbling but you did right to not let it rise. You can't tarnish every memory with that onwards and upwards and i find 'here' is good for wobbles

Baffy still no further forward ? How is camping trip progressing ? It is absolutely pouring down here and blowing a gale. Our barbecue cover has just blown past the window and it's too wet to chase it! I definately can see my 1st camping trip being postponed for the forseeable future

Tanne how was dd

Hi to everyone else!

Not sure about the camping lily. I'd got it straight in my head how we'd manage it. Spoke to H last night and he had pretty much decided it was too much like hard work.

We talked for an hour or so about the various options, and by the end of it I decided it was probably too much hassle (won't go into it all, but for example, the photos are on the beach by the church, down a dirt track, and aside from the fact that we will all definitely need to buy wellies, there's no way I could take ds's pram. And tbh ds would not last the day without his pram. Other silly things, like a 1 or 2 mile walk from the church to the reception, again on dirt tracks which apparently get very muddy if the weather is bad. Groom suggested hiring bikes to get between the church and reception!! Basically, I think it sounds amazing, and would be a real adventure, but it's 100% not geared for small children and that's for certain.)

Anyway, I then agreed it was probably too much. At which time H had then come round to the idea!!!

Still up in the air. H is looking into ferry bookings today. But tbh, I don't feel like doing anything with him right now. I'm so fed up of the whole thing.

Oh Baffy it must be so hard i just wish he would face up to things and put you out of this limbo!

Don't know ifthisany use to any of you London crowd!

Also those with littlies some bargains here

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Thanks guys

Random question can anyone help (I now have 5 out of 15 staff who are pregnant!!!)

Just trying to work out some figures and look at temps/secondments etc.

Can find on the internet that SMP, paid by us as an employer, is now £117.18 a week, and is subject to tax and NI. But how long is this for - is it just for the 26 weeks? I thought the Government were increasing the time? Or have I made that up?!

Ah, just found that it's 6 weeks, then a further 33 weeks - is that right?

So is it now 39 weeks that people get SMP for as opposed to the 26 that it used to be?

Baffy i think it's 36 weeks now or 9 mths smp!

yeah i have had it since Jan runs out in Oct!

Baffy - would it be worth getting someone to look after ds while you and H go alone. It does sound like an adventure with the 2 of you, but a nightmare with a toddler in tow.
Or do you think he's going off the idea because he knows you won't go anyway if he hasn't told the psycho about you by then.
He's such an idiot. This is his last chance to make it up to you and he's dithering about. Dior is right - he needs to grow a pair.
Tannee, I hope DD isn't too disappointed. If she's anything like x's dd the money will be a big sweetener!
LL - the holiday sounds lovely, you will feel bittersweet about things from now on, that's to be expected, but I'm sure it will pass.
I am annoyed this morning. Went to take ds's to the childminder and realised that ds2's car seat was in X's truck. He was in his house sleeping off yesterdays skinful (we could hear him snoring through the letterbox!) we hammered on the door and phoned and couldn't wake him up so I had to drive them there without the car seat. Its my fault for not getting it out earlier I suppose but I was so frustrated with him I left a nasty message on his answerphone.
Now I'm at work on my own because the others are all on holiday and I don't want to be here.
Grrrrr!!!!!