Lily, would you be able to /afford to go back part time? I found that worked with DD, though financially it was a struggle. But then my adult life has been nothing BUT a financial struggle, so hay ho.
Baffy, it's normal. He needs the reassurance that you WILL come back to him. Would you be able to leave him for a shorter period, and gradually build up? Or if work commitments won't allow this, just keep reminding him that Mummy DID come back, and that you would never leave him forever. It's particularly hard for the first week or so. I remember DD being not too bad, but some of her playgroup mates were inconsolable. It was SO hard to watch one girl standing at the window with tears streaming down her face as her mother walked away - but she got used to it after some time and seemed to enjoy school.
MHIS - I know your counsellor said you mustn't ask him for things, but this point of no contact seems like something you MUST ask for, if you are to move on - whether it means you get back together or not, it's a risk HE has to take, if he wants to prove he's serious about trying again. Then it's up to you to decide whether that's what you want. But you can't know one way or the other unless or until he makes that final, total break with OW. When my exH asked me to break with He Who Is Now DP, I knew I couldn't - that's why we separated and rapidly divorced. I didn't want to hurt him any more than I had already, but I had to admit that, though I'd had an affair, I couldn't end that affair. It was hard for him, but at least he knew where he stood.
Ratbunny, so sorry to hear about H's problems -and particularly the poor dog. I only killed a pigeon once and that felt bad enough. How are you?
Ernest - how are you? Hope H is coming to realise that you are especially vulnerable at the moment and he needs to give you every reassurance that he finds you attractive and doesn't want to flirt, even harmlessly, with anyone else.
Dior & Lily, I'm actually very relieved I wasn't chosen, though the campaign manager said he thought the panel were mad not to pick me. I have to admit it's the allowance that attracted me - it would take all the pressure off our finances. I really don't relish knocking on people's doors. HW, your idea of a sign is a good one ! I've agreed to go canvassing tomorrow at 6.30pm - that's not a good time, is it? Prime putting children to bed time But I want to be home in time for Lost in Austen!
Well, had our first Relate. It seemed to go well, aired the grievances a bit. I was surprised that DP said he's only wanted to buy a place together because he thought it was wrong that DD still didn't have a room of her own. I thought it was because he couldn't bear living without me . He said again that he'd have preferred to keep our own places (150 miles apart) - I said that wouldn't have suited me indefinitely, though it was romantic whilst it lasted. He did say again that he felt less negative since the original Relate session 3 months ago. The problem seems to be finding a way for him to feel this is his home - though he says he's never had a real sense of home anywhere.
Anyway, we've come home and he's locked himself in the kitchen listening to Cat Stevens (my old CD player in the front room has broken, which rather limits our music options). He was very quiet so I've left him to it. I dread going in and finding he's halfway through his first bottle of wine, but we need to eat. I feel very peculiar about it all. Glad we've started Relate, but not sure what to do when we come home. Not helped by cheery lodger coming in all full of beans, though she's said she feels very tired by the rush of London and has gone upstairs. I know when she comes down for dinner, she'll stay chatting till bedtime, when ideally I'd like to just relax and pose for DD's life class homework.