Glam & fab part 7 - from strength to strength

[UC]

Thought I'd start this one off on a positive spin? Hope you all find it..

Blimey you guys have been chatty today...had the day from hell at work today after the night from hell when my 2 girls tagged teamed me and between them managed to keep me awake almost all night

BAFFY - NOOOOOOOOO - sorry in my PROFESSIONAL opinion this girl is deranged she has a manipulative borderline personality disorder - as hard as it is please she is manipulating you to get what she wants - she has no empathy for you or DS or even H I suspect - she is NOT your responsibility - and I would be very surprised if she ever harmed herself ...ignore ignore ignore...and I wouldn't even bother telling H as that is her ultimate goal here...please believe me...do you want to be involved forever - do NOT get emotionally attached to her or the baby it is not healthy - I am genuinely worried for you here this is a completely different ball game and she has the power to destry you completely

Gosh everyone else not sure if I can keep track, MHIS and ratbunny you are doing great gals the early days are terribly hard - I look back and see this horrid dark dark time but it does pass ....

Lily, Ernest hi - we have lots of babies here don't we - sorry MHIS and RB how old are your LO's ??? My DD2 is teething, had had hand foot and mouth disease and now snotty - not a good week poor thing

Oh and HW of course you can mail me my dear anything I can do to help - have you my mobile give me a ring?? Its on one of the FB threads I think or I will mail you when I get a sec

Baffy - you are such a kind lovely person and she is playing on that. I think she is doing it so you tell H and he'll go running back to rescue her.
I really would ignore the texts, or if you think she is seriously in danger of harming herself (or the baby) contact the police or social services. She is not your problem and you don't want to be dragged into all this again.
Hats off to you though for being so kind and compassionate. You really are amazing.

oh Ginny - how did I forget you - your P sound similar to H - major bust up actis like total prick quite abusive TBH - and then complete charm offensive - no advice sorry but I know how hard it is - I feel dizzy sometimes with the round and round we go

McD poor you bloody bad enough with one never mind two must be hard to manage that on your own and a full days work too , take my hat off to you!

Baffy have to agree she would know you would talk to h please step away she is not your responsobility and knows how to play this victim act very well. She knows she has to step it up now and it's all at your expense please don't get involved but if you feel you need to be very careful and remember you and ds are the most important right now!

Thank you all

xx

p.s. I'm going to get some rest now but I will update you tomorrow.

Macd thanks so much for that advice too - really helps. Thank you

baffy - what a kind, strong, lovely person you are! to even be considering offereng support to ow! but I do agree with everyone else, it is your h's responsibility yto sort this out, and I think she is using you to get to him. Stay out.

macd - ds is 19mo (still think of him as a baby tho)

mhis - how is dd after her appt?

Thanks MacD - I really wish I could hate him. I keep thinking I should never have even spoke to him again after we got back from holiday but some stupid stupid part of me can't quite let go.
But - much as I still love him, something has gone. I don't feel the same way as I did 3 years ago when we first got together and I don't think I ever will again. So obviously the answer is to move on and end this. So why can't I bloody do that? I wish I knew!

Me too

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Ginny , McD , Baffy et al in fact most of us here. because love has an amazing capacity to forgive that we all seem to have in bounds!

Gosh - There is a lot going on here tonight! Think I've just about caught up!

Baffy YOu are doing amazing and are such a lovely person. Do not let the OW or your DH take up any more of your time/life. You do not have ANY responsibility to either of them. They are getting their just desserts after what they have put you through.

MacDoodle DD is coming up to 9mths but was 2mths early so like a 6.5mth old.

Ratbunny - You sound stronger tonight. DD appt went okay....they are concerned about her size - she is titchy at 12lbs but developmentally doing well. She is never likely to reach full height potential which is a bit sad as she will be very small. But she's already got a feisty character so sure she will be fine! and more than able to hold her own!

DH txt to ask how the appt went - a first - maybe he is starting to try. I have emailed him an update.

He has stopped putting kisses at the end of his txts - not sure if this is a reaction to me not being particularly receptive but it hurts for some reason

Ginny if only love was simple and we could just cut off our feelings but like Lilyloo says we are all GOOD people and for whatever reasons despite what we are going through want to see the best in people.

Lilyloo appt was okay (see above) thanks for asking. Basically advice is to try and cut back on breastfeeds and increase high calorie meals - which makes me sad - think partly cos it took so long to establish (9 weeks of expressing 3hrly when she was in SCBU) and I don't want to give up although plan to carry on til she is at least 1yr and ideally let her self wean. Also means my baby is growing up FAR too quickly.

MHIS if it any consolation dd doing ok in the day with food will have lumpy/ what we having etc. but we still up every few hours in the night longest 4! But we still bf which i am prepared to peresevere with!
She sounds to be doing really well esp for her developmental age!
Not sure cutting back on bf will help as sure dd would prefer that to a meal but guess you can only try!
Each to their own !

Lilyloo I can (just about) cope with the lack of sleep and TBH think that cutting back on the BF drastically is not the way to go. The dietician was talking about it as a preperation for when I go back to work - think she equalled working with stopping breastfeeding altogether but as I said I want to self-wean DD so have no issue with feeding morning and night til she is ready to stop.

However this week has been a struggle with my emotions and the lack of sleep hasn't helped at all.

But feeling far more positive today than I did yesterday.

I have been back at work 3 months now (DD2 is 8 months) and am still BF bedtime and morning (and nights if necc) - not expressing she takes 2 bottles (better from someone else than me)and eats 3 meals a day and snacks (she weighs 22lbs )....sleep is variable depending on daytime naps, teething, colds etc etc

Baffy I agree with McD in terms of her diagnosis of ow. You said you wanted nothing to do with the sordid relationship they have, so don't let either of them drag you back in to that triangle. If they want a relationship with each other, they can get on with it and if they don't then they can go their separate ways. Simple as. I don't think she will harm the baby fwiw. She is using the baby as a means of control. It is sad, but you have your own child to care for. She needs to get on with looking after her own.

MHIS and Ratbunny - you are both doing really well Early days yet so go easy on yourselves.

lilyloo - glad dd is ok and hope her sleep is back to normal(ish)

Dior - well done on the weight loss - nice new pic (but liked the one before anyway).

baffy look at this
and this

Baffy let him sort it out.

I am having a shit day, for no reason that I can fathom. I have been having loads of revenge fantasies and H is fucksed off with me. Am I the only one that wants to drown their OH's phone and take a hammer to their computer incase they are contacting OW. School starts next week and he will see her every day when he takes the kids to school, which is not helping. Neither is the fact that I am not sure I want to love him anymore. My heart is breaking for what we used to have.

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Thanks everyone for the advice.

I do agree, and after lots of soul searching I have decided to take a massive step back from it all. I think the time has come where I need to look after my own mental health.

I hope that doesn't come across as self centred. It's not that I don't care. Far from it. It's just that I have enough to deal with myself, and their issues really, are nothing to do with me.

It's hard. In some ways I know I'm probably one of the few 'normal' people she knows. I know I'd be able to find the compassion to help her.

But I think it runs too deep and I risk getting dragged down with them, 'used' as part of their horrendous games, or could even end up being blamed for whetever events are to unfold next! I could really see that happening.

So my focus is, and will have to remain, on me and ds.

In the meantime, if I am as concerned as I was last night, I think all I can do is simply let H know in a brief text or call, and then leave them to it. I've been saying about changing my number for a while. (Never did because I wanted H back so much and I knew I needed to keep the lines of communication open with her so I could find out if he was up to no good again! How messed up is that!) But all that has changed now so time to actually do it I think.

And macd thank you so much for the advice. 'Histrionic' sums her up perfectly. Really has given me food for thought.

McD that really is interesting stuff there.
Baffy glad to know you can take a step back i just fear she is using you to keep H and how weird is that
She doesn't need you because your 'normal , compassionate or caring she needs you because you are her link to h when it's rocky.
You are so right change your number and focus on you and ds. If h wants to keep in touch he will and she will likely go off the rails but that isn't for you to deal with.

LL thanks on the sleep front!

MHIS loads of mums on here do night and morning feeds for ages! It's very early days yet and you are doing so well esp with a lo to lok after too it just takes time.

Dior will look for it!

McD how you i really think you are fab coping with all this on your own and a new baby , well done you!

Anifran the anger is normal and every new situation , school, throws it all back up again. I would suggest you talk to him rather than letting it build up into resentment. The anger can eat you up if you let it but share your fears with him. Hopefully he can do what you need to alleviate them. Share his phone / computer etc. Take it easy but try and find a way to make yourself better!

We just had our first night out in best part of a year, with dc's mind, to pizza hut on our 50% off voucher from here bargain £17 mmm

Lilly - I have taken your advice, we are now talking again. I hate the way the anger wells up. I turn into a mad banshee for no reason at all. I hate the way I have been turned into the mad one in all this for no doing of my own. I used to be a really laid back person and now I am constantly on edge.

You peeps have been wonderful in keeping me sane. Much love to you all xxx

hi everyone.
anifran - how long have you and h been back together? I can totally understand that are still insecure, but not sure if I can take it over a sustained period. hope you chat to your h and get things sorted.

baffy - you are doing the right thing

mhis - 'However this week has been a struggle with my emotions and the lack of sleep hasn't helped at all.' I had a week like that last week too. do you ave anyone that can take dd for you so you can catch up on sleep?

in my new open to it, not too bothered if it doesnt, I am seeing h in a new light. he really makes so little effort. and when I asked to see his phone (after receiving a £136 phone bill for his mobile for last month) he refused, said I was interrogting him, and that I should trust him without having to check everything out. so what is the point really? he obviously doenst care about how I feel. wanker.
but, I am still open to it, I just am not going to put off dating any longer. let him compete with the rest of them.

would any of you mind helping me solve a dilemma please?!?!

here