mhis - youare doing really well. this is really difficult, and you will always think you are doing the wrong thing! There is no way of knowing what the right thing to do is! I just feel like I am damned if I do, and damned if I dont.
h and I had a huge barney. in his opinion, he is trying (an give him his due, he is), and says that whatever he does isnt enough for me. I actually thought about that, an that is right. I wont let him in emotionally and am fining I am criticising everything he does in my head, I dont want him to come over but DO want him to text / call / want to come over, I can see the things he is doing to trying, but still critisise those. I wont let him come over every night, but then get paranoid about where he is. Whatever he does isnt good enough, and I am not telling him when he is on the right track. I am definitely giving him the message he isnt good enough for me.
eg he hit and killed a dog last night it ran out in front of his car chasing a rabbit. he has always had dogs, so was really upset, had to report it to the police etc. but there was me, with a babysitter, after he had told me, thinking to myself - he cant even come over here when I ask! I think I am being a little unreasonable...
so, I am going to focus on the fact that both of us want to work on this. recognise how he is trying to make amends, focus on the positives. I am asking him to change overnight, but that is impossible really. the test of his committment will be him sorting his head out with the counsellor, but that will take TIME. in the meantime, if I want this, I need to actually be nice to him sometimes...
I THINK this is a way forward, out of our stalemate. btw counsellor said that if I want to be with him, I should have hugged him - shown him I was willing to reach through the pain towards him..
anyone any ideas - how can h prove he is trustworthy to me without us seeing each other every day?
still confused, but actually ready to give this a go now.
sorry this post has been all me me me