Glam & fab part 7 - from strength to strength

[UC]

Thought I'd start this one off on a positive spin? Hope you all find it..

oh I'm soooo confused. Just found out the DH has spoken to a mutal friend and said that he doesn't know if there is a chance of us sorting things out because it's in my hands!

so is he now waiting for a move from me? Surely he realises that I need him to step up to the mark before I will consider if we have a future? I have said this...

Or is he just playing the sympathy card with our friend and outting the responsibility on me?

Arrrggghh

Baffy - I know what you mean about telling RL people. It was sometyhing I dreaded and still find difficult but I have been amazed at the amount of support I have received.

MHIS, my guess is that he's sh*tting himself about laying himself on the line and risking your rejection.

Not fair etc but, playing devils advocate, perhaps understandable?

I'm not 100% up on your story (or anyone at present as am a bit snowed under at work etc), but I really really think you guys need some counselling to help you both work out if you want to reconcile.

Perhaps you could suggest this which would give him the reassurance he seems to need that you are at least interested in exploring the possibility of reconciliation?

Even if you were 100% sure that you wanted him back there's no gaurantee that you won't change your mind further down the line.

As a couple of us have learned, you're not always sure you want the prize when you've won it!

ps: whilst I advocate counselling thru an impartial 3rd party I would also say stop relying on chinese whispers from mutual friends and start communicating directly with him.

don't want to be harsh but if it's not from the horses mouth then you have no basis on which to trust the content of what is being relayed.

Baffy, the thing is I'm inclined to believe she might be right. Maybe I'm just very cynical of blokes these days but DD1's father, who has 50% custody of me, has indicated that he's planning to move back to the UK with his now wife (formerly OW) the year after next when DD will be just 8 years old. How has he worked out that this will be the "right" time to do this?!!! I have zero influence on him now. When he told me this and I expressed shock and horror his response was "well you have to get on with life don't you?" !!!

MHIS I know exactly how you feel, was in very similar situation 5 years ago. I actually looked at my wedding photos again for the first time last weekend. Thought it was about time I showed them to DD. She wanted to know why I hadn't showed her before. Take strength though it does slowly get better.

Macdoodle, its weird how our situations are quite similar and yet so different. The difference caused by the fact that my 2 DDs have different Dads - so I can make separate decisions about what's right for each of them. For example, it would be possible for me to cut off contact with DD2's father and DD1 would be fine. You don't have that choice - I really feel for you.

I would be up for a meet up. Don't mind travelling, though a night in a hotel might be best if that's the plan.

sorry boss was walking past, had to finish post quickly!

okay, here's a proposal

A weekend in October Visit Warwick and stay somewhere like this

There ya go!

This is intended as a Bring Yer Kid(s) event as some of us will have to.

October would be difficult for me - unless it was in half-term, i have a job until xmas which would be weekends - sorry.

Wow - that looks great PC. I'd have to do some serious saving up though, but it would be fantastic.

Half term could be a possibility (not my first choice tbh tho) but the problem there is how quickly things get booked up.

I'm more than happy to cut the budget by using Stratford Upon Avon Youth Hostel

Given the self catering options at a YHA it could work really well for us to cook our own evening meal.

I'd have 3 spaces in my car available for anyone around my area.

PC am up for something like that. Anything in fact! And luxury budget all the way - H is paying!

I can pretty much fit around most dates. I'd probably take the Friday off to travel down, stay Fri and Sat night then travel home on the Sunday...

MHIS - agree 100% with all of PCs advice.

HW - I can't face it just yet. I just can't face the sympathy and other people's disappointment. Perhaps when I've really come to terms with it myself, I'll be able to do it. It's all very surreal at the moment. But I remember last time, and tbh, I'm the one who ends up feeling like i'm supporting everyone else! There's nothing I need from anyone right now. In fact what I do need, is to carry on, or go out, and have a laugh, and not to talk about it constantly. I think I did all the grieving last time and I half expected this anyway.
Either that, or I'm in for a real shock when it hits me...

I'm on Credit Crunch budget which basically means cardboard boxes under bridges LOL.

I'd travel up Friday afternoon and stay 2 nights then head home Sunday.

I'd do the same PC - and that's a lovely looking youth hostel. Doesn't have to be half term for me - any time any place anywhere !!!!
I understand that Baffy, its horrible having to deal with everyone elses feelings when you are still trying to get to grips with it all yourself. Then you get all the pity and everyone asking "are you ok?" every time they see you. Just tell them in your own time.
What's your job HW?

Message withdrawn

that YHA does look really good. It's got a restaurant as well as self-catering kitchen.

there are some family rooms available as well as "bunk" rooms iynwim. i think "table license" means you can BYO which is good LOL!

i like YHs tbh.

Ginny, what about your dc and school or would you just give them a day off?

I would come too (quiet whisper whereabouts in the country is Warwick??)...I can do YH no prob and DD1 would love it
Afraid have no leave left other than half term which I have already booked off (last week Oct here)...but could do a weekend would prob have to come on the sat for the night and leave the sunday?? Come on lets do it

mac, i wanted somewhere central so it's just south of B'ham. Very close to Strat-on-Avon.

Very close to my parents too actually - maybe I'll pop in for Sunday roast on the way home!

Thanks dior - the trouble is when i was thinking things were just in a bit of a rut he was 'solving' his problems elsewhere.
I truely do hope he has learnt his lesson though.

We had a disscusion the other day and i said i was not happy about him having a lunch with just a female alone anymore. I dont think i am being too paranoid - but it does make me feel uncomfortable and he actually agreed and says it is very rarely necessary for there just to be 2 out to lunch anyway.
He really is doing everything he can at the moment - i think he has too much time on his hands at the moment too - with work slowing down (bet they wish they had let him go earlier now ) he seems to be thinking about a lot more now - and so far it is all good.

Would love to meet up but no way I can afford atm

DH is seeing DD here tonight rather than taking her as she is unwell. I really am not in the mood to see him. Feel weepy and tired and so fed up.

Don't want him to be able to say I stopped him seeign DD but on the other hand not sure if I can cope with spending any time with him today.

I hate feeling like this

Ooh, I wish I could come to a meet up. I'll be in Kent at Christmas....?

HW, you speak so much sense. You really helped me so much when it all went tits up last year.

Ginny, he must've been pissed to come out with such nonesense?! Cheeky sod. Give you a chance? You've got to wonder what planet they've come from.

One of dh's best mates has a real alcohol problem & 'out of the blue' his wife has turned around and demanded a divorce, and he's been given a week to get out of the house. I can't help but feel she must've suffered & tried for years , you don't just demand a divorce from dh & father of 2 kids out of the blue. Think it's shook up dh tbh, reminded him how close we came. Hope it makes him think...

hi lilyloo, lo is doing great thanks. lovely easy baby.

macd, glad your dd had a lovely lunch date. very grown up. neighbour sounds lovely. Can't imagine the nightmare of other child. poor baffy, really feel for you.

hello pc & everyone else - 'dream baby' is awake & crying, gotta go.

ps ds3 starts kindergarten tomorrow! I don't think I'll be one of those mums crying at the school gates. Oh no.

Lilyloo - I'm fine thanks. Ds is being so cute at the moment and I'm really enjoying him. 4 is the best age yet As for baby - tbh I am trying to settle into my new job plus I have put a lot of work in at the gym (not that I'm in fantastic shape) and I don't want it to be back at square one with weight to lose and no energy to boot. Though of course that is exactly what will happen when I decide to go for it Oh well, we'll see.

Quietly crawls into the thread....

dh sat me down and said he had snogged one of my friends at a BBQ, said he was really sorry. He only told me b/c she had told her dh and he was going to leave her and tell me. Found out a few months later that he was now embrolied in a full on affair (which only lasted a few weeks)with said woman. He has cut off all contact with her and is being really charming. I guess he realises how close we had come to divorce. It was 6 weeks ago that I found out. Although I trust him almost I still want to smash her face in. Is it unreasonable to wish her all the ill in the world and take great pleasure in her miserableness?......

Your stories show great strength of character. I am in awe of your tolerance and dignity

hi everyone

lillyloo - pmsl at ow ow fucking ow. I was reading it as 'other woman other woman fucking other woman', took me ages to get it

HW - totally understand your not wanting to commit. BUT, it does show he is thinking long term again.

Lady lush - I love how you refer to 4 as the best age yet. I am constantly changing that benchmark as ds grows - he is ALWAYS at the best age! lol

MHIs - could he be looking for your permission to end things? like he wants you to make HIS mind up for him? if you fid it hard to see him, perhaps you could get someone else to do the handover? even for a little while, it may help you regain some more strength?

well, h appears to be trying. but not yet hard enough. it is hard to let him prove himself when we arent living together, but I REALLY dont want to live with him anytime soon. I am so careful not to send him the wrong message (ie come back, its all fine), though sometimes I just want to cuddle up with him. But that would tell him he doesnt need to make any changes for it to be ok.

he was moaning about how he needed a hug, and I just told him I have put up such an emotional wall against him that its not coming down until I am sure this is what I want. He did seem to accept that. at least we are able to communicate better than we ever have been able to..

I think the key is this need to be a SUSTAINED big improvement, It would be so easy to say, yes, you are different (or at least his old self again), lets try again, but I know I need to wait....

sorry to everyone I havent mentioned. you chat SO much, its hard to keep up!

Ldies anyone around need advice now