Glam & fab part 7 - from strength to strength

[UC]

Thought I'd start this one off on a positive spin? Hope you all find it..

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dior, you are doing so well.

HW, I will mail you later. Got to get kids dressed and out in next half hour. Are you ok today?

I am having one of those mornings when I just miss H, woke up, still wish he was next to me like the "old days". I know the biggest chance I have of that happening is to keep my cool, maintain distance, show him the me he loved in the first place. But god that's hard, day after day. At what point do you just accept he's gone?

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HW - hope you are OK. Totally understand how you feel, its easy for others to say how great your H is, but they don't know the whole story.
Keep us posted.
UC - you are doing really well, don't give up. The fact that you went away and had a great holiday without him will prove that you are moving on and are capable of living your life without him in it. That is sure to make him wonder and he'll soon realise that he may be in danger of losing you if he doesn't sort himself out.
I'm doing the busy busy busy social life thing, but its not to get him back, more to keep him at a safe distance. He's starting the nice approach now, which is scary as that's the time I usually weaken plus the dc are away with their dad next week so I'll be alone and vulnerable to his charms. I almost wish he'd go on the piss and be horrible again as it is much much easier when I can hate him!

Hi Dior and ginnny, I'm ok, I am just a bit tired today. That's because I sat up til nearly 1 on Sunday talking to my friend in New Zealand. I was ok yesterday, but it's caught up with me today. I think it's normal to have ups and downs, and I think it's also because I've had very little contact with h for the last 10 days, we've been away, he's been away (with OW I imagine), and now we're just back to boring old home. Plus my best mate here is moving 3 hours away in a couple of weeks, and we are all going to really miss her and her DCs, who are exactly the same age as mine.

Ginnny, can you go away at all next week - maybe visit a friend somewhere else or something? It might make it easier to resist his "charms" if you just aren't there.

Ginny - i know what you mean about wanting them to be 'horrid' as then you have an excuse for hating them.

Been busy today and only have 2 of mine to look after.

H has decided to stay in town tonight - although i am a bit suspicious that he says he did not know about it until this morning . But actually quite glad as can do my thing tonight. I plan to get kids into bed earlyish and then settle down to a nice film or something. And i can use a special face cream tonight too without the fear of scaring h .

Met up some of the new mums from school today and i am now lookiing forward even more to the return as we have already planned to do coffee .
But before then have all the uniform to sort into piles and make sure all is named (worst job of the whole year).

Uc hope you are ok - you are doing so well and should be proud of how far you already seem to have come.

PC - hope you are ok too as not seen you here.

Hi to everyone else too.

HW enjoy the 'me' night PC away !

UC you are doing so remarkably well. I can't imagine how hard that is going to be with your friend. I know mine was a rock when we had our problems. Guess she still only a phone call / email / skype away. Also good for having nice break away from 'home'. I hate that 'downer' you get when you get back from your hols.

Dior well done you are doing fab keeping to this diet. I am going to have to do something soon and stop relying on bf as that will be coming to an end!

LL hope you managed to enjoy your anniversary without getting too overwhelmed by everything!

Ginny when he does turn on the charm maybe see how that could enable you to maintain a friendship rather than falling back into a relationship. If that fails re read soem of your previous posts recently!

Baffy is it tom your back for work ? Hope you and ds had good time at your dads!

All busy here dp off this week so we trying to entertain kids in the rain on a budget

Take care all

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Baffy - how are you?
HW - hope all goes ok. Didn't mean to sound flippant. My soh can be dark at times. I'm in a bit of a man-hating mood right now. I remember waiting for the all clear from the STI clinic. The most horrific thing I have been through since this mess started
Dior - well done on the weight loss.
Ginnny - stay strong
UC - hard when you have days like that. You're doing so well and being so strong. I so hope it all works out for you.
Lilyloo - have you needed to do cc yet?

Anniversary today. Flowers sent to my work. Every other year but this one and I'd have been ecstatic. Cue everyone in the office saying how romantic it was.....grrrrr H said he ordered them before I had told him I didn't want to celebrate it so he didn't have time to cancel them.

ladylush - no offence taken at all my soh is sometimes a bit dark too.

I hate dates too - and i seem to have a very good memory for them numbers will stay in my head a lot longer than names.

We have had 2 aniversaries since it happened the first was awful - and just like you i did not want to remember it at all. This year however it just passed without anything - h actually forgot - but then i was glad in a way as it does show me that things like that really dont mean that much to him and so he would not remember the important dates with ow either iyswim. I still dont wear my wedding ring - but do wear another one on that finger.
This is not how i ever wanted it to be but i do accept it now - and although i do tend to get a bit cynical about others who are all gushy about each other i try not to let my jaded view of men spoil it iyswim.

Are you worried that you will be bitter about what he did for a long time to come?
Most of the time i am ok - but with this health problem it just seems to focus on the sex again and again and i find myself thinking sex has an awful lot to answer for. Which just makes me angry and want to be celebit (?sp - it is too early in the morning).

Anyway hopefully busy day again today and meeting friend for lunch.

Have a good one everyone.

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I think most men are like that Dior. They just don't notice the things they should, or they don't think to give compliments.
When I met exP he was so attentive and would complement me about something almost every day , but that wore off and although I do think he still felt the same towards the end, he just didn't think to say it.
He says it now though, regularly. Too late
I'm sure he is proud of you ... and so he bloody well should be.
We all are!!!

hello everyone. HW, I hope you've had a good day. I agree, sex has an awful lot to answer for... Not all of it good. It is my anniversary next week, I have a busy day rushing about from one thing to the next planned. I am not going to allow it to spoil my day. No doubt h will remember it too. My wedding day was wonderful, what a git.

Ladylush, do the people in your office know what happened? If they do, maybe they are all gushing about how romantic it is that H sent you flowers to make you feel better, to reassure you? If I were you, I would take the flowers and appreciate them and try not to think about the day that they signify. And tell h that you'd like flowers much more regularly from now on, not just on anniversaries that have been trampled on! Or whatever it is you want him to do - another of those great emails like the one you posted a while ago? Definitely tell him what you want from him, then he's got a chance to do it.

Anyway, I took a big step today - I joined a whispers dating site. I've had lots of people look at me, and 3 "winked" at me?!?!?!! I just want a bit of fun, and I deserve some right now, whatever happens, and I'm allowed to.

sorry, meant to write , now it looks like I've tried to include a link. I haven't!!!

well done uc - i actually looked a lot but never quite as far as joining any of them - good luck and keep us posted so we can all join in the fun too.

I always wanted to do the speed dating thing - but thats because i hoped everyone would like me and pick me.

Ladylush - how about getting yourself a nice bunch of flowers on the way home or some chocies and a bottle of bubbly - and thank him for them too!!!!
If he gets a bit upset - say oh sorry but maybe one of the girls at work also knew and wanted to cheer me up too. - see i am feeling a bit anti-men too atm.

Hi everyone

I'm back. I'll catch up and post properly later. Just wanted to say thanks for the support (and the texts) and I'm ok.

DS had a fantastic birthday. He is an absolute star.

From what I can gather on the H front, he told her the truth in a last ditch attempt to save things on Friday. I was out with friends on Friday night, phone in bag, came out of pub to 14 messages off her and countless voicemails. Ranging from her begging to see me so she could 'prove' she was back with him. To wanting us to be 'friends' so we could arrange access for the 2 children between us as she never wants to see H again. etc etc etc. No mention of the poor bloody guy she's living with though!!

Anyway. I was glad to get away from it all. I don't want to know. From what I can gather, she's now threatening abortion (clinic appointment on Monday!) and also saying it's not H's!

I don't actually want to know, or care, what the hell they do. I'm leaving him to it.

But just goes to show, H's reassurance that she was 'moving on' with the new guy, and it would all be fine... all crap! She was waiting for H to come back all along, just as I said, new guy was a meal ticket and a way to make H jealous. The minute he FINALLY told her SOME truth, that there perhaps wasn't a future for them, it's all come out. And as expected she has gone totally mad.

I guess her threat is now that he gets back with her or she's getting rid of the child...

I'd say she was immature... unstable... totally mad to be threatening to get rid of a child that she wanted so badly.

But the only word I can use is - Sick. The whole thing.

H has made his bed once and for all with this one. She always said she'd destroy him. I really think she will.

I'm better off out of it!

Sorry for the rant - MN withdrawal symptoms and had to get all that out!! Will catch up later xx

Baffy

Sounds as though you are doing the right thing and letting her not get to you. Whatever she does it is her choice and you must not feel in any way responsible for what she is does.
And once and for all your h MUST sort this out himself.
Even if in the future he comes begging back - you need to know that she is well and truely out of his life for good.

I still think it would be best if the baby were not his and if she did get rid of it then that is up to her and not really you or h.

You are doing so well - but i fear for him it is just too little too late.

We are all here for you and all you need is ask for what you need.

Thinking of you
x

Baffy, you still sound very strong. It sounds like you have decided that you are better off without h whatever he does next? Is that right?

I'm sorry ow put you through all that sht. She sounds completely and utterly insane. Doesn't h see what a complete nutcase she is? Is this why he was so afraid to tell her? It is all so unfair, you have done nothing wrong, and yet you get to deal with the fallout from his mistake. Good for you leaving them to it. I think you and DS are much better off that way, rather than with an h/father who can't really commit, and is too scared of a mad woman to stick up for the things that are right in his life. Like you say, if you stay strong, and out of it, she/they can't drag you into the sht with them. Can't you change your mobile number so that she can't abuse you any further?

Thinking of you... xxx

HW hits the nail on the head Baffy - whatever ow, or h, does is up to them. You cannot be responsible for the actions of anyone but yourself, and you are acting with dignity, reason, maturity and immense strength.

This is the biggest lesson I've learnt about relationships I think. You can take responsibility for your own actions, you can't take responsibility for anyone else's.

Oh Baffy - well she acted exactly as you thought she would. What has H done since Friday? Is he still in contact with her?
She can only carry on like this if he lets her. If he seriously wanted her out of his life he'd tell her straight and get the police on her if she caused any more trouble.
UC - good for you on whispers. I can't quite pluck up courage for that yet.
I had some interesting news tonight. Ex (boys dad not the alcoholic!) has told me that he is leaving the OW he left me for as he has been seeing someone else and is in love etc. She doesn't know he's been seeing this other girl and is devastated!
KARMA!!!!! I'm wicked but I can't stop grinning. Now she is going through what they put me through and I hope it f*ing hurts!!!!
I feel mean but its put such a smile on my face

oh Baffy you knew it would all kick off when he told her...can I be a small voice saying something (and have thought the same of my H and his demented OW)...why do they become so obsessed and barking - what does H say to them - was he clear to her it was over with her or had he kept her dangling as well
I asked H the other day how he would react if Ow got a boyfriend and the answer....resounding silence no reassurance that he didn't care....so I wonder what he really says to her I think he is quite happy to have us both sat waiting for him...and I wonder if your H is the same
I honestly think we are both well rid....onwards and upwards ...no matter how hard

Ginny I would be exactly the same

ginnny, that has made me smile. Ha ha bloody ha on OW. It is soooo karma, and it so shows that what goes around comes around. Don't feel mean, it is understandable, I would feel over the moon if I were you.

LL agree about telling h flowers would be nice on 'any' day. I guess he was doing what he thought was best but good he knows that flowers aren't an easy option any more where once they would have made you ecstatic.

Baffy you can read them both like a book they are just doing exactly as you would expect.
I think you are right to stay out of it all but hope h and ow allow you to do that.