How would you feel/react if a new man said the following about your body after sex?

[honkytonkwoman]

(1) "It's too bushy." Said about easy-to-guess bits, which I had (I thought) trimmed very neatly the evening before.

(2) "Your clitoris is not very easy to find."

(3) "Ooh, your legs are a bit stubbly - you need to Immac." Said, again, while cuddling in the early hours of the morning, and at the very early stages of grow-back - I'd shaved the morning before, less than 24 hours previously.

I want to know how others would respond or react to this, before I say anymore. Thanks.

WIFEBEATER!
Cos he is so macho, hire a CLEAN SHAVEN male prossie.... and do let his mates and girlfriends know!

sorry that is hire CLEAN SHAVEN male prossie for him.

Tell him that he is a nice guy but that you were sexually frustrated and found a new bloke, and since sex is really important to you must move on.

I'd call and get it over and done with so that you have your options open this weekend

I'd have already stopped thinking about this loser and started acting like the free agent I was.

yuk he sounds like a freak

I think you're right to want to leave it with some dignity, so I wouldn't diss him. I would actually text him explaining in brief that you have had enough breathing space/thinking time, thank you, and there will be no need to call this weekend. No explanations are required. But this does allow you to finish it (upper hand there), and it means you will not be either waiting for a phone call you don't want to have this weekend (and don't forget he has you waiting, it's control again), or having to go away for the weekend so as deliberately to miss it and therefore be forced into being passive-aggressive.

Philosophically, I would be grateful to this guy that he has shown his true colours so early in your association, thereby saving you time and heartache, had you got in any deeper. I think it would be perfectly acceptable to tell him that, should the need arise

One of the great things about MN is that you get to benefit from everyone else's experience. My ex-p was very good looking, great body, fab job, ticked all the boxes BUT he was also into porn and recreational drugs.
AND he wanted me to shave my fanjo, when i never had before.
I think his ego took a bigger blow than this heart when i left, he actually said he'd thought of himself as "a catch" LOLOLOLOL

Problem with these types of men is that they never see or accept who you are, just who they want you to be.

SO agree with MadameZ's last post. Even in the early stages of a relationship he can't distinguish between a woman who is sleeping with HIM and a porn model.

In a way it's a good thing he's weird enough to SAY what he was thinking. If he'd only thought it, you might not have realised this so soon.

When you're falling for somebody you overlook all their physical flaws?! BIT thin on top!? Still gorgeous. Men DO do that too when they are really falling for somebody. Nice men.

have you kicked him into touch yet?

He has indeed been kicked into touch in a polite, friendly fashion. On Saturday. He took it graciously and sent a friendly reply.

However, he texted again yesterday - still all nice and charming - to say he is writing me a letter this week ...

Feeling so bloody proud of myself though, for getting shot. I know some posters won't get it - surely it's so obvious? - but in the context of me and my past, this is progress.

Thanks again for support.

x

Well done!!!

well done you

Something along the lines of my gut instinct was telling me to extend the "breather" indefinitely, and thanks for the good bits. Decidedly lightweight, compared to all your meaty suggestions! But I had already told him what I thought of what he'd said, and I didn't want to f*ck him right off or create some very bad feeling there, as we have a few mutual friends. If he wants to know the ins and outs, he can ask me and I'll tell him, although I think he knows. It did the trick.

I think I'd return his letter without reading it.

Mark the envelope return to sender, clitoris unknown !!!!

That letter is going to be very interesting. I 'm sure it will be very thought out.

Maybe a bit of "it's not you it's me"

I think you did very good!

Honky, sounds like you kept your dignity. I think you have played it just right. Now PLEASE go and buy yourself some treats. Something foxy to wear, a bit of nice make up, a posh bubblebath. Give yourself a boost.

Unfortunately his letter will almost certainly be a mixture of inappropriate compliments and insults - ie you are too sensitive, you should consider therapy, you probably hate men deep down, but you are really sweet, funny, pretty, cute etc. He's not going to leave you alone yet, because he wants another chance to have inadequate sex with you and upset you again. Don't reply to the letter. If he contacts you again, send him a text saying 'There is nothing further to discuss. Leave me alone.' If there is more contact after this, then be aware that his behaviour is unnacceptable and inappropriate and may escalate without a stern warning.

Message withdrawn

madamez, you've hit the nail on the head with the combination of compliments and insults he's started to dish out. After I put my foot down about his inappropriate bedroom remarks, he said, "Hey, remember that I am the one who considers you beautiful and elegant." It's thoroughly manipulative, nasty, and for someone of his standing and education and age, I can't believe that he can't see that.

I know I can be too nice and too understanding; I have to be careful of that. But I will not have him upset me again. I have as good as erected a force field around me! Bring on the letter.

This is a great thread. Stay strong HTW!

Yes, HTW he is nasty. Not just a bit tactless, but nasty. His behaviour is deliberate, he knows perfectly well what he is doing, and now you are aware of this you will hopefully be safe from the harm men like this can do. Good for you

Good for you htw