How would you feel/react if a new man said the following about your body after sex?

[honkytonkwoman]

(1) "It's too bushy." Said about easy-to-guess bits, which I had (I thought) trimmed very neatly the evening before.

(2) "Your clitoris is not very easy to find."

(3) "Ooh, your legs are a bit stubbly - you need to Immac." Said, again, while cuddling in the early hours of the morning, and at the very early stages of grow-back - I'd shaved the morning before, less than 24 hours previously.

I want to know how others would respond or react to this, before I say anymore. Thanks.

open the letter, wipe your arse on it, send it back saying you couldnt read it because it was so full of shit

LOL lou

Or in fact open the letter, take the letter out and bin it without reading it. Wipe your arse on the biggest turd of the day and then post it back. Do you have a young LO to enclose used nappies?

Just read the OP..what a total toss. In fact, next time you see him, I'd give him a fucking slap. In front of all your mututal friends.
How fucking rude and disrespectful can you get.

Bastard

or if he gets in touch , tell him to save his breath to blow up his next gf

I must admit that I would read the letter because I am pathologically nosy. But I would stick to Tanz line about there being nothing to discuss, hope you can move on you bellend the next time you bump into him.

If you read it, you will probably not read nice things about you. Think on that. You will then either want to reply, or avoid him even more.

Why not burn the letter? Then it's done with- and you are not tempted to fish it out the bin and read it?

Just ignore him- he's not worth it.

Write him a letter.

'Having given due thought to our situation I feel it's best if we draw a line here and remain friends. I don't think we need to be penpals, so let's make this the only letter that passes between us. I'm sure you'll understand why I won't open any letter you might decide to send me.
Lots of love shitsmear,
HTW'

He won't understand why you won't open a letter he sends you. He may have to ask. You will tell him 'Because we are adults and this matter does not need further examination and [top phrase] you are of no consequence to me'

why waste energy writing to him at all? surely that would only make him feel better that OP has bothered to contact him? It gives him more importance in his life than he warrants.

Just ignore...and move on.

But I want to know what the letter says....[unhelpful emoticon]!

Don't read it. You will feel SO powerful if you just chuck it in the bin (the one outside, under a pile of crap so you're not tempted to retrieve it).

Firstly, your ex is a total fuck-o. No Doubt about it. Good for you for not putting up with him

Secondly...even though I can see what some of the other posters mean by don't read the letter (and I do think they are right, particularly about not letting him gain any power by discussing it with him), I imagine you must (in a sense) want to read that letter, even if it's just to laugh your self silly over it...lol I would

If you do read the letter, you need to post it on here, so we can all laugh at him. [nosy]

Well done on extricating yourself, anyway. Tricky situation, with the mutual friends and all ...

what if the letter is full of hurtful comments- more like what he said in bed? Will you be able to cope? Will you want to reply?

Only open it if you are sure you will not respond emotionally in any way- and where is the guarantee of that?

Open it if you want- but be prepared to feel crap- or angry- or sad- or whatever.

He's trying to muscle back in so that he can have the last word. He's a fuckwit. Don't let him back into your headspace.

I'd tell him that it was obvious that he couldn't find my clitorus as I didn't have an orgasm and he would have to try harder next time - but ooops there wansn't going to be a next time - what a total and utter twunt!

Shreddies is right about the last word. I think you shouldn't really get into a dialogue with him, it won't come to any good. That will drive someone like him, (who yearsn for control) madder than anything, make more of an impression. Do not reciprocate contact, and if you bump into him socially at a later date, be distantly polite. Have a line prepared in case the mutual friends quiz you about what happened. Look enigmatic and a bit wry, and say "Well, he just wasn't the man for me" and refuse to be drawn.

Honestly, how fecking high school is it to send someone a letter after they dumped you?

He's 48 and still acting like this?

WHY bother reading it, although lou's response is pretty fucking funny!

Just bin it or send it back unopened.

But I wouldn't bother reading it because it's going to make you feel bad about yourself and that's the last thing you deserve or need.

It's control, again. Here you are now, waiting for the letter, wondering whether to read the damn thing or not....

Can I suggest you put the letter and the saddo out of your mind? Think about whether to read it IF and when it arrives.

Whether or not you read it, don't keep it and don't reply. Let him feel like he has the last word if it's important to him: why should it matter to you, it isn't a contest. Is it.

All comes from bitter experience - expat might remember me on here a few months ago when my ex had faked cancer and robbed me of 5 grand - I have a letter from him in my drawer full of double meanings and passive aggressive sentiments. People can be like this on so many levels and especially men in their actions/words towards women, sometimes it's just bad character, sometimes it's a matter of them conducting themselves in a totally foul way because it's accepted as being the 'normal' way of things in our society. Just as having bushy pubes, hairy legs etc is considered unacceptable in a heterosexual woman, unless she lives in a yurt, then we can all laugh at her.

Anyway HTW at least you have realised you can and should be offended by his remarks! Plenty of women would have felt humiliated but then rushed off to buy their Immac as if that were the proper thing to do. Then gone home and felt physically repulsed by themselves for a few days, until their OH came round and had sex with them again, after which they'd feel grateful and relieved.

I also posted once about my forays into internet dating; one guy I was messaging and had planned to meet pulled out when I mentioned that I wasn't the 'make-up and heels type'; he was concerned that I 'didn't keep myself clean'. Yeah he really said that!

Oh, boy, did I have MY share of losers and creeps like this!

Yes, I remember Tamz. We all live and learn.

I had a boyfriend whose wife (they'd been separated for 2 years and he had the papers to prove it) moved back in with him for 3 weeks before I found out.

Another fling who called me at 1AM to tell me he'd sold someone some bad acid.

All kinds of weirdos!

Seriously, they are NOT even worth dwelling on except to laugh at.

God thats made me angry, how dare he and I have just met a new man who said, my figure is lovely, my skin is lovely and I smell beautiful.
If I was with that FOOL that you were with honkytonkwoman and if he said "Your clit is hard to find" I would have replied
"SO IS YOUR FUCKING WORM or SHOULD I SAY DICK!!!!!!!!" .
Bye Bye you insecure, insipid, small dick wearing Martian from Mars!!!!!

honkytonk (love the name by the way ) ditch him babe, he doesn't deserve you

I can't beleive this guy is 48 and coming out with such crap!

No wonder he is still single. Urgh.

I agree with those who say chuck his letter away without reading it.

maybe just post his name and location here

he probably goes around with the puppy dog act to all his female friends about how he just can't find 'the one'.

whenever i heard males of that age go on like that i'd hand them a mirror from my handbag and tell them, 'There's why.'

Do you think he'll ask, or enquire through mutual friends, if you got the letter?

It'd be satisfying to say in pitying tones, "No I didn't bother opening it, I'd moved on." (i.e. he was instantly forgettable)