Night in police custody

[fireflyblue]

I’m so upset writing this, I’m still shocked at what’s happened and don’t feel ready to speak to anyone in real life yet.

last night my boyfriend and I had an argument, he was verbally aggressive and started to make me feel scared that he was going to assault me, I phoned the police - which might sound extreme, but I really did feel like it could’ve become physical at any moment.

After I called the police I went upstairs and waited in the bedroom, 3 officers arrived quite quickly. 2 of them came upstairs to talk to me and 1 stayed downstairs with boyfriend. I was explaining the situation to the 2 offices when shortly after the 3rd officer came upstairs, he said that my boyfriend had said that I’d assaulted him by punching him in the face 4 times and he had marks on his face.

I said this was completely not true and that he must’ve marked himself when I was upstairs. I showed them my hands which had no signs of hitting anyone and said that surely if I’d hit him 4 times I’d have marks on me from where he’d defended himself or tried to restrain me. The office said that given his allegations they’d have to arrest me.

I was taking into custody at about 9:30pm and was there for 18 hours. It was the most upsetting experience ever, I’d never even been inside a police station before yesterday, I didn’t have a clue what to expect (other than what I’ve seen on tv), I was scared at what could happen and also in utter disbelief that I was being treated like a criminal when I’d called them because I thought I was at risk of being assaulted. The cell was freezing cold with a bright light on all night, I had to wear a grey tracksuit and lay on a mat with a thin blanket. I wasn’t offered a drink for about 10 hours, no food, obviously no access to my phone which was upsetting as I was supposed to be picking my children up this morning from their dads. I just sat on the mat for all those hours, pretty much crying the entire time other than the 40 mins when I was with the solicitor and having the interview.

The outcome of the interview was no further action, I was then released after the paperwork was completed.

when I turned my phone on, immediately there was a call off boyfriend - he told me
how he hadn’t slept all night and was upset and didn’t mean for me to be arrested and that he hoped we could work through things.

I then got an uber to his house - to collect my car and belongings that were still there, when I arrived he was dressed smartly, I asked where he was going and he said to have a pint with his mate to relax.

I’d had the worst day of my life and was an emotional wreck and he felt he needed to relax!!! I told him I never want to see him again and drove home.

I’m home now and just so so upset - my boyfriend lying and having me arrested, the way the events went with the police, being in the cell for all those hours which felt like torture, the worry over not being able to contact children and then finally the lack of compassion from him when I was released, not that I wanted to spend time with him, but him arranging to go out with mates while I was still in a cell is so insulting.

I don’t really know why I’m posting :( reading this back I can’t believe what’s happened

Dump him immediately. Why are you wasting a single moment of your precious life on this turd?

If you get into a new relationship please do a Claire's law check on the new guy.

Do all you can to avoid nasty pieces of work like him again.
Hope you can ut this experience behind you.
X

I’d 100% do this. I bet he was doing it to put you off calling the police which might be considered a form of coercive control? Which is illegal.

plus down the line he might pull this stunt with someone else and then at least there will be a record that this is something he does. Which could benefit any future girlfriend. Because at the minute I guess your statement is linked to you not to him?

They often do. There are some items that are prohibited - anything that could be used to harm an officer or self harm eg ligature. They also offer a tracksuit top & bottoms as warmth & comfort .

They may have to remove items to preserve evidence

He lied, he made up a story to get you arrested! He knew what to say to do it! Wow,
you cannot ever trust him again! I’d forget him and never speak to him again. He was mad you called the police and did it to teach you a lesson. I cannot believe that he went to be pub! You should report him formally for lying. So it’s logged with 101. You can do it online.
i hope social services don’t get involved? I think it’s an automatic trigger you know.

This man has:

• threatened you
• accused you of a crime you did not committed
• stood and watched you leave with the police not giving a shit
• giving less of a shit the next day.

This has been very traumatic for you so you will be running on adrenaline.
Never ever let this man back he will know his far he can damage you and that you will never ring the police again.
That is horrific.
Please go and see your GP because I think in time you will need some therapy to help you, because it is a proper trauma.
Sod Christmas plans. Make new ones.

You're extremely lucky to get police response. Couple of years ago I had a male on my doorstep threatening me ,I couldn't even came back home. Police gave me appointment with one of their officers 2 weeks later.

Clare's Law implications ?

Did they check his hands

if he says he did it to him self in the texts before you blocked him - he can be done for wasting police time

I am shocked tho that 3 police officers came round after one call and sounds quickly as well

def better off without him

I would be honest with your kids esp if old enough that you contact them and not ex/dad

esp if had plans for xmas etc. they will wonder why now not

We are going to have to agree to disagree. Any way, even if OP had been charged she would have been out on bail until her Court date. You are confusing pre and post charge actions.

I think assuming that I’ve lied about being intoxicated is very unfair.

it was a traumatic ordeal for me, being arrested and driven to the police station - by the time I’d got there I was in a state from crying so much, I was scared, anxious, overwhelmed. So quite possibly I didn’t take in clearly everything I was told when I was put into custody, but I wasn’t drunk!!

He really is an absolute POS and there’s no way I’d ever even speak to him again, let alone sleep with him or spend time with him.

Agree that @fireflyblue should report him for lying.

You have a lot of faith in the system. One would think there would be no need for firms of solicitors which specialise in complaints about the police.

I believe you ❤️

MN have a wild view of SS, do you think every parent who is arrested declares they have kids? SS barely manage the cases they have without this ‘report’ for every arrest!
OPs kids were with their dad and not in any kind of danger.
OP I believe you, never contact this man again, if need be get a restraining order.

Ok if you were In the level of upset where you couldn’t take anything in, it maybe have been better to say that than what you did in your op.my bil is a custody sergeant and it is a highly regulated environment.

the poster isn’t being unfair, it is the most common reason situations like this occur, they seperate the two parties where there is an alcohol fuelled volatile situation, take the one accused into custody and then interview in the morning , as you were, when they are sober, and release them with no further action.

so the poster isnt being unfair, they dont know you, they are simply citing the most common reason situations like this occur, especially as you were unable to take in what was happening,

I think you have a very rosy view of what happens to people in custody, particularly on nights when the police station is busy. They don't offer food and drink regularly through the night, for instance. They may have asked OP about children when she came in, at which point she would have said they were with their father - but they certainly wouldn't necessarily have asked whether they could stay there for several hours, and OP had no way of knowing that she might be there that long.

I’m not sure you rebutted the poster, who never said food is offered throughout the night, but she would have been offered breakfast, and lunch.

as she arrived ag 9.30, she didn’t leave till till 3.30, as she said she spent 18 hours, there is no way she wasn’t offered any food and drink. She said for ten hours, so what she was saying is she was not offered food between the hours of 9.30 and 7.30. It’s not a hotel.

and if asked if she has children and safe and she says with father, why on earth would they say and can they stay there, it’s their father.

You could speak to a solicitor to explore if you could get him charged for wasting police time, but honestly I would probably try to put it all behind you and move on. I am glad you have cut him out.

If your account is truthful, the fact your boyfriend appears to have injured his own face is an enormous red flag. It suggests that he may have been in the same situation previously and knew how to DARVO effectively.

Please don't even contemplate returning to him. Having worked for Women's Aid, I had both the privilege and sorrow of meeting women who had lost everything because of men like your boyfriend. Think children, home, profession. You are not overreacting and 'working this out' will be the greatest mistake of your life. You have an opportunity to get free now. Please take it.

It sounds like a very scary experience but as you say, you were in fear of being physically assaulted and so one of you had to be escorted from the home.
He had physical marks and so it makes sense that you would be removed.

The biggest slap in the face is the fact that you got an uber straight to his - so you had lied about being scared of him and completely wasted police time.
You also had every intention of staying with him until you saw he was going out further the day without you.

Maybe all the posters giving the OP a hard time could reflect on how terrifying and bewildering it must be that someone you think you know lies about you in such a convincing way- and keeps on lying - that the police (who are in a position of power) actually believe you are the abuser. And then you find yourself arrested and have to come to terms with that & the lies & the worry about the consequences for something you didn’t do.
I hope you are ok - and again please stay way from this man.

Well it’s not inhumane, But some people in here have to take any opportunity to slag off the police even if the OP herself realises it was just them doing their job.

OP sorry you experienced this. Try and look at it as a positive it’s made you realise what this man is, and abusive arse who will stop at nothing to control and humiliate you. In the long run a few hours in police custody might well have saved you life.

Look into narcissistic personality disorder and see how it stacks up with him.