Night in police custody

[fireflyblue]

I’m so upset writing this, I’m still shocked at what’s happened and don’t feel ready to speak to anyone in real life yet.

last night my boyfriend and I had an argument, he was verbally aggressive and started to make me feel scared that he was going to assault me, I phoned the police - which might sound extreme, but I really did feel like it could’ve become physical at any moment.

After I called the police I went upstairs and waited in the bedroom, 3 officers arrived quite quickly. 2 of them came upstairs to talk to me and 1 stayed downstairs with boyfriend. I was explaining the situation to the 2 offices when shortly after the 3rd officer came upstairs, he said that my boyfriend had said that I’d assaulted him by punching him in the face 4 times and he had marks on his face.

I said this was completely not true and that he must’ve marked himself when I was upstairs. I showed them my hands which had no signs of hitting anyone and said that surely if I’d hit him 4 times I’d have marks on me from where he’d defended himself or tried to restrain me. The office said that given his allegations they’d have to arrest me.

I was taking into custody at about 9:30pm and was there for 18 hours. It was the most upsetting experience ever, I’d never even been inside a police station before yesterday, I didn’t have a clue what to expect (other than what I’ve seen on tv), I was scared at what could happen and also in utter disbelief that I was being treated like a criminal when I’d called them because I thought I was at risk of being assaulted. The cell was freezing cold with a bright light on all night, I had to wear a grey tracksuit and lay on a mat with a thin blanket. I wasn’t offered a drink for about 10 hours, no food, obviously no access to my phone which was upsetting as I was supposed to be picking my children up this morning from their dads. I just sat on the mat for all those hours, pretty much crying the entire time other than the 40 mins when I was with the solicitor and having the interview.

The outcome of the interview was no further action, I was then released after the paperwork was completed.

when I turned my phone on, immediately there was a call off boyfriend - he told me
how he hadn’t slept all night and was upset and didn’t mean for me to be arrested and that he hoped we could work through things.

I then got an uber to his house - to collect my car and belongings that were still there, when I arrived he was dressed smartly, I asked where he was going and he said to have a pint with his mate to relax.

I’d had the worst day of my life and was an emotional wreck and he felt he needed to relax!!! I told him I never want to see him again and drove home.

I’m home now and just so so upset - my boyfriend lying and having me arrested, the way the events went with the police, being in the cell for all those hours which felt like torture, the worry over not being able to contact children and then finally the lack of compassion from him when I was released, not that I wanted to spend time with him, but him arranging to go out with mates while I was still in a cell is so insulting.

I don’t really know why I’m posting :( reading this back I can’t believe what’s happened

I believe op, as I've been through the same, except we had a child so CAFCASS were involved (hideous cunts they are). My case went on for years, and he totally trashed my reputation, which is why I'm telling op NEVER to go back. He will destroy her.

The truth really is stranger than fiction, and the amount of people who didn't believe me ("oh but he has such a nice smile!") was baffling.

These men are very clever. I pity any woman who comes across one. Three decades later I'm still so angry that I had to come across someone like that.

I’m afraid I agree, the op has written this in such a way it feels slightly twisted.

was taken in at 9,30. Not offered food or drink for 10 hours, so offered breakfast at seven thirty and will have been given lunch also if there for 18 hours.

complains about them not asking about her kids, or offered a phone call, but was given her phone back in the morning after her interview, and says she couldnt take In what the custody seargent was telling her as she was so upset, so her version maybe skewed, it’s not she was drunk.

took a call from her boyfriend when she switched her phone on where he tells her they can work through it and Ubers straight to his home. First thing she did before calling rhe kids father.

asks him where he is going, and feels it’s a slap in the face he was going out, so clearly intended to be with him and only then says she never wants to see him again. The him going out being the trigger. She doesn’t tell him during the earlier call.

i fully believe the op in what happened, in that she will have been arrested and taken to spend the night in the cells. But im not sure she’s being fully truthful in her portrayal of the whole sorry saga,

My car was at his!! And my belongings, I collected my things and was straight in the car driving home. I had no intentions of speaking to him or spending time with him

When it first happened to me, I was held for over 20 hours without being interviewed and then released. I had not touched a drop of alcohol.

The second time, I was prepared and asked for the PACE booklet. I read it from cover to cover and then starting pressing the bell whenever I wanted something.

I am 60 and despite having an immaculate record until 2023, I am now arrested on a regular basis for refusing to be silenced (about child sex abuse as well as other crimes).

Exactly. @Portmore your comment is extremely naive.

The purpose of this post was to highlight the fact that I had called the police because I was scared and felt intimidated by my ex-boyfriend who was shouting aggressively and behaving in a way that I thought he may hurt me, this then backfired when he made an allegation that I’d hit him - he’d marked his own face when I was upstairs, which led to the arrest and a long stint in a police cell, followed by an interview.

I posted on the relationship board to make people aware that things like this can happen and that it was an extremely traumatising experience. If I wanted to get into a debate about whether police or custody processes were handled correctly I would’ve posed in AIBU.

I understand that the police station was busy with it being a Saturday night, I was also upset and scared. They did ask about children, I said that they were with their father and because I thought I’d be out in a few hours I didn’t request a phone call. Yes, I’m sure if I’d asked for one I would’ve been granted that, the upsetting bit was the thought of the children texting / calling and not knowing where I was.. I didn’t expect that I’d still be there 18 hours later.

Sounds like your ex dodged a bullet if you called the police over something you now say never happened!

I’m in and out of custody all the time with work. No way would they just put your clothes in the cell with you everything has to be booked in and stored and not give you a drink for 10 hours. As someone said above it’s a highly regulated place

But you did speak to him, both on the phone and when you got there, you say so in your op. You had a full convo and then asked him where he was going.

Why would I lie about that?? I had my own tracksuit on when I arrived, they gave me the grey one to change into and didn’t take my own one off me… so strange to assume I’d lie about that. Maybe it’s not standard practice but it’s what happened with me

I've spent a night in a police cell before. Absolutely was not offered breakfast (not that I'd have eaten anything).

I think they gave me a black coffee at some point. Not offered a phone call either, I was very young and wouldn't have known to ask for one. Same regarding(a disgusting!) loo but no loo roll. I had my own clothes on but they took my shoes.

The police involved in this need further training. They are well known to be a misogynistic bunch and this screams of misogyny. Please lodge a formal complaint and I seriously hope you find the strength to end your relationship with this utter piece of shit of a man.

But this was a man that you were so afraid for your physical safety that you had to call the police to try and get him arrested.

The same man that you say lied and caused you to be arrested.

I’m struggling to understand why anyone would be around someone they were so afraid of and who knew they told lies about them.

If it was me I would have asked someone to accompany me and have asked him to put my belongings in my car and not be there when I arrived.

If he was there then I would have gotten straight into my car and drove off without saying anything.

You seem more annoyed about him going out with his mates than the fact he caused you to be so afraid that you had no option but to call the police for one of you to be arrested.

Why are they misogynistic?

If they arrived and OP had black eyes and said her DH assaulted her, who would you expect them to arrest?

The police are called out for domestics multiple times a day.

They do not have time to sit and chat about who did what, especially when one or both are going to lie.

They remove the one that’s likely to have been physically violent and let the station sort it out so they can get to their next call out.

If he is trying to make out that this situation isn't a big enough deal to break up over you are totally correct to run for the hills AWAY from this man.

I would also keep a record of all of this. Dates, paperwork, screenshots of texts, timings, a copy of what you've told us above about how you felt. This was a huge lie. It doesn't matter that he didn't think the police would behave that way, and I think that's bullpoop anyway.

Stay well away from him. You can have a much lovelier Christmas WITHOUT a person who would be the reason you spent a night in custody.

Op, you know on traitors, when someone becomes convinced that they’re excellent at the game because they spotted that someone was breathing, or changed their socks? Those type of people also post on here, and unfortunately instead of getting voted off, they persist in feeling good about themselves for picking holes in the posts of people who are genuinely looking for help or a listening ear

Im sorry that happened to you. It sounds extremely upsetting, and if anything positive can ever be drawn from such an experience, at least he has shown you who he is, and you’ve drawn a line under the relationship. I hope that you will consider raising a report against him as the police suggested. Take care x

The police originally agreed to take me to his house to collect my car, but after 20 minutes of waiting I asked how much longer they’d be as I really needed to get my car and drive home for my children, it was the police who recommended an uber.

Call or message women's aid/refuge op.

It sounds like you might need safety planning to get safely away from this man. He might try love bombing to minimise what he's done or he might turn high risk.

Would recommend a gateway/freedom/similar programme for you as well.

[Apologies if it's already been mentioned up thread, I can't see tft due to MN awful formatting update on my phone.]

Also install Hollie guard x

I really dont know what the issue is here.

You are in an abusive relationship

You BOTH made accusations of assault - Do you think the police should ignore this? Do you think they havent witnessed cases of male AND female aggressors?

The only course of action here is to investigate both accusations. Which they did. You were released after a period of investigation (he had marks to back up his lies). He was released too.

The trouble in a lot of these situations is the next day the aggressor apologises and they go home together as if nothing happened and basically used the police as referee in their domestic. I know of situations where the police have arrested the husband only to be attacked by the wife because she just wanted a warning, not for him to be arrested.

I see you dumped him. Hopefully for good. If this is the worse it gets for you, a night in a cell then i would say it is a good outcome if it helps you draw a line under it. Move on and direct your anger at the scumbag boyfriend, not the people who have to come into your shitty relationship and try to clean up.

If custody was very regulated with records checked (records can be altered, fabricated or removed), then how do we account for deaths in police holding cells? I think some scepticism is called for in trusting what inspection records account for vs the reality of what happens.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cx2dnley2nwo

https://www.leighday.co.uk/news/press-releases/2026-news/daniel-ryan-50-died-of-pneumonia-alone-in-police-cell-with-insufficient-welfare-checks/

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cj035d17d0ro

PMSL.

We can all imagine this conversation.

Shouting to the front desk. Ive waited 20 minutes for a lift home. Where the fuck is my lift?

We are not a taxi service madam. We will take you home as soon as a pair of officers and a car are available. At present they are all busy. You are welcome to book an uber (You dont need to go to your abusive partners house).

Oh fuck this i;m booking an Uber.

Have you actually read the article?

Person gets arrested. Officers include the use of PAVA/pepper spray - Normal to be used. Guy gets put in cell. Find guy unconscious and give CPR but he dies. Police cells are full of people with health issues, mental issues, drug issues etc etc etc. Shit happens and they cant always account for every scenario. Thats why a follow up investigation is needed.

In what world does this constitute anything other than normal procedure. OF COURSE they are going to investigate, thats common sense. It give ZERO indication of any wrong doing.

Sensationalising police doing their jobs and kicking them for no reason.

omg I can’t believe what I’m reading.

I was nothing but polite and courteous to the police, Jesus I was even too scared to buzz for water.

My post was not having a go at the police for recommending an uber, it was just to point out to a PP that the police had recommended this so it wasn’t something I did without them being aware ie going to his property unaccompanied.

The police were friendly when we spoke about it being hand over time for them so would be quicker and easier allround if I got an uber, so so shocked at your message!! Disgusting, I’m not sure if this is how you behave, but not how I behave or the language I use