Night in police custody

[fireflyblue]

I’m so upset writing this, I’m still shocked at what’s happened and don’t feel ready to speak to anyone in real life yet.

last night my boyfriend and I had an argument, he was verbally aggressive and started to make me feel scared that he was going to assault me, I phoned the police - which might sound extreme, but I really did feel like it could’ve become physical at any moment.

After I called the police I went upstairs and waited in the bedroom, 3 officers arrived quite quickly. 2 of them came upstairs to talk to me and 1 stayed downstairs with boyfriend. I was explaining the situation to the 2 offices when shortly after the 3rd officer came upstairs, he said that my boyfriend had said that I’d assaulted him by punching him in the face 4 times and he had marks on his face.

I said this was completely not true and that he must’ve marked himself when I was upstairs. I showed them my hands which had no signs of hitting anyone and said that surely if I’d hit him 4 times I’d have marks on me from where he’d defended himself or tried to restrain me. The office said that given his allegations they’d have to arrest me.

I was taking into custody at about 9:30pm and was there for 18 hours. It was the most upsetting experience ever, I’d never even been inside a police station before yesterday, I didn’t have a clue what to expect (other than what I’ve seen on tv), I was scared at what could happen and also in utter disbelief that I was being treated like a criminal when I’d called them because I thought I was at risk of being assaulted. The cell was freezing cold with a bright light on all night, I had to wear a grey tracksuit and lay on a mat with a thin blanket. I wasn’t offered a drink for about 10 hours, no food, obviously no access to my phone which was upsetting as I was supposed to be picking my children up this morning from their dads. I just sat on the mat for all those hours, pretty much crying the entire time other than the 40 mins when I was with the solicitor and having the interview.

The outcome of the interview was no further action, I was then released after the paperwork was completed.

when I turned my phone on, immediately there was a call off boyfriend - he told me
how he hadn’t slept all night and was upset and didn’t mean for me to be arrested and that he hoped we could work through things.

I then got an uber to his house - to collect my car and belongings that were still there, when I arrived he was dressed smartly, I asked where he was going and he said to have a pint with his mate to relax.

I’d had the worst day of my life and was an emotional wreck and he felt he needed to relax!!! I told him I never want to see him again and drove home.

I’m home now and just so so upset - my boyfriend lying and having me arrested, the way the events went with the police, being in the cell for all those hours which felt like torture, the worry over not being able to contact children and then finally the lack of compassion from him when I was released, not that I wanted to spend time with him, but him arranging to go out with mates while I was still in a cell is so insulting.

I don’t really know why I’m posting :( reading this back I can’t believe what’s happened

You didnt have to go to your boyfriends house. So whats the issue with getting an Uber

How else do you suggest I collect my car which was needed to drive over an hour home to collect my children?

an uber directly home would’ve cost hundreds then I’d have to get back to his today to pick up my car and work laptop which was all at his house - come on, you’re being a bit silly now and the language in your other post is shocking tbh.

Which is shocking advice but I guess they couldn’t get anyone any quicker so what else could they advise.

I still don’t understand why you’re so upset that he went out with his mates - after you found out how dangerous he is.

I’d be thanking my lucky stars that I had dodged a massive bullet and making sure I am never alone with him ever again.

I think there are some really judgy responses on here that are just victim blaming. All if you asking why the OP didn't leave - get stuffed!

Firefly, well done for calling the police, that was a brave move and totally right - they are there to protect you. I'm really sorry they didn't - this happens a lot, and it's awful that after being frightened enough to make that call, you then had a night in a cell.

Please trust your instincts - this man scared you so much you hid and called the police. That isn't normal! He isn't safe. And he doesn't care about you.

You were brave before in calling it off - give yourself and your kids the best Xmas gift of all by keeping this man out of your life.

If you find yourself wavering, remember how awful last night was and how you got through it. You're tough.

Def call women's aid too. They're great.

I hope Santa brings you a better partner. X

Similar happening in family now with an abusive bastard who is getting all authorities to make DD jump through hoops.

Ps the domestic violence helpline is run by refuge now and is 08082000247

Might be good to speak to some folks who know what they're talking about rather than some of the numpties on this thread!

This sounds like a horrible experience OP.

Draw a line under it and then really examine how you choose a partner, do you love drama, are you attracted to ‘bad boys’ etc

You need to change something as this kind of drama in relationships can be somewhat understandable in your 20s but downright weird and scary when you get older

Why are people attacking the OP?

So cruel when she's so upset. Victim blaming?

Some people need to take a good hard look in the mirror. What they see isn't pretty.

I've spent separate 3 nights in police cells, years apart (protests, drink, street violence). London and Dorset. Always treated with courtesy, allowed to go out to smoke a cigarette, the officers were nice and I just got a taxi home when they had investigated what was going on. The police are okay.

The police have to make judgments all the time. You called. You were barricaded upstairs. I’m sorry, but I think their judgement was poor. There was no need to trust the testimony of a man you had been sufficiently frightened of to call the police over your own testimony. They should have arrested him.

" If it was me"

This smacks of the idiots who say stupid things like " I would never allow a man to abuse me" or " I would scream if I was about to be sexually assaulted"

No-one knows how they would react in certain situations until it happens to them. Its very easy to make smug statements from behind a keyboard isnt it?

Everyone who is being disgusting to the OP should be fucking ashamed. This is a woman who was scared that her boyfriend at the time was going to hurt her in the heat of the moment. She called police as everyone would tell a woman to do to ensure their safety! This cunt of a man lied to the police. She went to the house to get her things after the fact because the situation had deescalated. She now does not ever need to contact this man again, and you lot genuinely think she a- wasted police time, and b- must be lying?? What happened to believing the victim? Disgusting the lot of you.

I'd request a Clare's Law Check on him. I wonder if he's done this before?

Hold you resolve. Pivot on your Christmas plans, it's only November so you have plenty of time. There will be plenty of Christmases in the future.
As for last night, turn it into a positive thing for you as horrible and stressful as it was. Every time you feel like having in to him remember last night and think that staying with him will give you more of the same x100.
Definitely nip any possible harassment in the bud.

Custody is about the most heavily regulated & inspected part of police.

There are thousands of complaints but only a tiny percentage are upheld (under 5%)

She would have been booked in by a custody sergeant who would have asked about any children needing care & offered clothing , food & water. No custody sergeant is going to fail to do that as it's so easy to check - everything at custody desk is recorded.

She could request the custody record to reassure herself

This. I am disgusted too. Especially with the smug "I would never do that" statements. Easy to be a judgy keyboard warrier from the safety of your own home isnt it?

This is not kicking police for no reason. They need to remain accountable for their actions like every other professional. More so precisely because of the power they wield over us. We should not be expected to accept or believe cover ups. That is not justice.

If they use PAVA/pepper spray, then that clearly calls for more due care and attention. And did you read the second article? It provides evidence that welfare checks were inadequate, that police ignored someone getting ill for over 6 hours, and they lied about talking to the man by recording checks that never happened.

The court heard that welfare checks for Daniel happened every 60 minutes but saw CCTV evidence that they were brief. CCTV footage played to the jury showed Daniel groaning and coughing in his cell when welfare checks were being conducted and officers were stood outside. The court heard evidence from police staff that it may be difficult to hear coughing in the corridor when stood outside a cell. Police staff also confirmed that there was no expectation for CCTV of Daniel’s cell to be viewed whilst he was on level 2 or 1 observations.
**
CCTV evidence showed that Daniel became acutely unwell at approximately 4am. CCTV footage showed that Daniel suffered a medical episode at 10.29am, after which he did not appear to move again. A welfare check was conducted at 10.51am and the detention officer reiterated that he believed Daniel was breathing at this time. A medical expert gave evidence that Daniel had probably died by this point, and that had an ambulance attended up to approximately 10am Daniel would have had a chance of survival.
**
Daniel was found unresponsive during a scheduled welfare check at 11.41 am. At no point before this time was medical care obtained for Daniel.
**
The court heard that at 10.15am a sergeant’s review indicating that Daniel was awake and had been spoken to was entered on to the custody system. The evidence from the officer was that he had not actually had that interaction with Daniel when he entered the record and no subsequent interaction took place between them.. This entry was made after 10am which was after the period it was considered that medical treatment could have saved Daniel’s life. The evidence heard at the inquest made clear that no one actually spoke to Daniel from 6.45am on 12 November 2023 up to the time of his death.

Here is an IOPC report, hopefully sufficient evidence that some (enough/too many) police officers act without due process or proper care.

https://www.policeconduct.gov.uk/our-work/learning/allegations-excessive-use-force-and-use-insultingabusive-language

Do you have a key to his house OP? I wonder if he was going out with a friend to make sure he wasn’t there to let you in to collect your keys and belongings when you returned, in a way to have more control over you?

She had to pick up her fucking car!!!! Why are there so many dickheads on this site this morning? Got bored of posting shit defending Russell Brand on Facebook?

It is absolutely shocking that he was able to DARVO so easily and get YOU arrested. I'd be absolutely furious and would lodge a complaint. Why the hell was he taken more seriously than you? Institutional misogyny at its finest.

Obviously your ex boyfriend is a massive cunt and you should block him and forget him. Seriously, what an unbelievable fucking tosser.

Yep it's full of absolute twats! Has Incel School got an inset day or something?

Ignore the victim-blaming idiots OP.

I’m not having a go but it’s really frustrating for those of us who’ve had DA experiences when people like OP make us seem like we’re over reacting.

OP rang the police because she was fearful for her physical safety.
She then says he completely lied about her, got her arrested, made her spend the night in cells which could have resulted in a criminal charge - but she was still going to get back with him.
The only reason she got so upset and left was because he was going out with his mates.

The police deal with hundreds of these calls every week and most of the time they get back together and then it’s a cycle of getting drunk and calling the police on each other.

Then those who are in serious danger don’t get listened to.

I believe you OP and it sounds so distressing. What a rat he is to have done that. That is a high level of manipulation on his part. I am concerned you are going to be talked round by him. Please don't, he will cause you a mountain of pain beyond this. This isn't a safe, functioning human, this is someone to cut out of your life and be grateful you got away before things escalated. There will be someone else who is kind and who would never dream of doing this.

Sorry you had such an awful night, I know I'd have been very stressed indeed.

When did op say she was going to get back with him, she went back to the property to collect her car not to get back with him. For someone who has had da experience you should have more sympathy for someone going through similar.
She thought he was going to hurt her and called the police, he has then injured himself to be able to accuse op of violence. He Is quite clearly a dangerous man. Also she said she wasn't drunk, so why assume

He is a very dangerous man, he's already planting the seeds and building evidence to enable him to abuse you whilst he paints himself the victim. If you have contact with him again you are at serious risk, so are your children. Block his number and do not let him worm his way back in.