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Night in police custody

301 replies

fireflyblue · 08/11/2026 18:54

I’m so upset writing this, I’m still shocked at what’s happened and don’t feel ready to speak to anyone in real life yet.

last night my boyfriend and I had an argument, he was verbally aggressive and started to make me feel scared that he was going to assault me, I phoned the police - which might sound extreme, but I really did feel like it could’ve become physical at any moment.

After I called the police I went upstairs and waited in the bedroom, 3 officers arrived quite quickly. 2 of them came upstairs to talk to me and 1 stayed downstairs with boyfriend. I was explaining the situation to the 2 offices when shortly after the 3rd officer came upstairs, he said that my boyfriend had said that I’d assaulted him by punching him in the face 4 times and he had marks on his face.

I said this was completely not true and that he must’ve marked himself when I was upstairs. I showed them my hands which had no signs of hitting anyone and said that surely if I’d hit him 4 times I’d have marks on me from where he’d defended himself or tried to restrain me. The office said that given his allegations they’d have to arrest me.

I was taking into custody at about 9:30pm and was there for 18 hours. It was the most upsetting experience ever, I’d never even been inside a police station before yesterday, I didn’t have a clue what to expect (other than what I’ve seen on tv), I was scared at what could happen and also in utter disbelief that I was being treated like a criminal when I’d called them because I thought I was at risk of being assaulted. The cell was freezing cold with a bright light on all night, I had to wear a grey tracksuit and lay on a mat with a thin blanket. I wasn’t offered a drink for about 10 hours, no food, obviously no access to my phone which was upsetting as I was supposed to be picking my children up this morning from their dads. I just sat on the mat for all those hours, pretty much crying the entire time other than the 40 mins when I was with the solicitor and having the interview.

The outcome of the interview was no further action, I was then released after the paperwork was completed.

when I turned my phone on, immediately there was a call off boyfriend - he told me
how he hadn’t slept all night and was upset and didn’t mean for me to be arrested and that he hoped we could work through things.

I then got an uber to his house - to collect my car and belongings that were still there, when I arrived he was dressed smartly, I asked where he was going and he said to have a pint with his mate to relax.

I’d had the worst day of my life and was an emotional wreck and he felt he needed to relax!!! I told him I never want to see him again and drove home.

I’m home now and just so so upset - my boyfriend lying and having me arrested, the way the events went with the police, being in the cell for all those hours which felt like torture, the worry over not being able to contact children and then finally the lack of compassion from him when I was released, not that I wanted to spend time with him, but him arranging to go out with mates while I was still in a cell is so insulting.

I don’t really know why I’m posting :( reading this back I can’t believe what’s happened

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 08/11/2026 19:46

FromFattoChubby · 08/11/2026 19:42

Why did you have to wear the tracksuit?

As far as I can tell from TV, they take people's clothes off them in case they are needed as evidence, to avoid access to anything concealed in the pockets/lining, and also because clothing often contains things like cords, laces or belts which can be used to self harm.

If they are not needed as evidence you would get them back on release.

FromFattoChubby · 08/11/2026 19:46

As you have children then social services will automatically receive a referral. Are you aware of that?

Dollymylove · 08/11/2026 19:48

I think you need to make a complaint against the police

fireflyblue · 08/11/2026 19:48

FromFattoChubby · 08/11/2026 19:46

As you have children then social services will automatically receive a referral. Are you aware of that?

No I wasn’t :(

OP posts:
MeowDoku · 08/11/2026 19:48

Dollymylove · 08/11/2026 19:48

I think you need to make a complaint against the police

On what basis? Following due process?

FromFattoChubby · 08/11/2026 19:49

BertieBotts · 08/11/2026 19:46

As far as I can tell from TV, they take people's clothes off them in case they are needed as evidence, to avoid access to anything concealed in the pockets/lining, and also because clothing often contains things like cords, laces or belts which can be used to self harm.

If they are not needed as evidence you would get them back on release.

It’s not standard to make people wear a tracksuit when arrested though-only if the clothing is a risk or for evidence. Most people arrested stay in their own clothing.

fireflyblue · 08/11/2026 19:52

FromFattoChubby · 08/11/2026 19:49

It’s not standard to make people wear a tracksuit when arrested though-only if the clothing is a risk or for evidence. Most people arrested stay in their own clothing.

I had to put the tracksuit on, but my other clothes wasn’t taken off me - they were in the cell with me, apart from my shoes.

OP posts:
FromFattoChubby · 08/11/2026 19:52

fireflyblue · 08/11/2026 19:52

I had to put the tracksuit on, but my other clothes wasn’t taken off me - they were in the cell with me, apart from my shoes.

Very unusual

NewLifter · 08/11/2026 19:52

MeowDoku · 08/11/2026 19:45

How is it inhumane? An allegations was made of an assault the alleged victim had marks, the alleged perpetrator was conveyed to custody, this is exactly what you'd expect if someone made allegations of an assault surely? OP was then interviewed, the boyfriend will have been spoken to too, they then looked at the evidence at hand decided not enough evidence and NFAd it. What else do you expect to happen?

It's also not up to a victim if charges are pressed.

Edited

10 hours with no liquids
No food
Not allowed to ring anyone - her children will have been worried sick

Do you honestly think this is ok?

Ekitty · 08/11/2026 19:56

omg I can imagine this is so traumatic experience! I am so so sorry you had to go through it. I hope you will never see that man again.

FromFattoChubby · 08/11/2026 19:56

fireflyblue · 08/11/2026 19:48

No I wasn’t :(

Well, they’ll be contacting your children’s school, probably their father too. You should prepare to be contacted.

Mischance · 08/11/2026 19:56

To hell with the Christmas arrangements! Get rid for good.

NewLifter · 08/11/2026 19:56

OP, my husband was kept in custody in similar circumstances and also was made to wear a grey tracksuit

However he was given water and eventually food

NewLifter · 08/11/2026 19:58

Also, we had a visit from SS later that day, which we expected. It was absolutely fine, they interviewed the DC separately and spoke to their school and it was closed the next day.

Crymeariver86 · 08/11/2026 19:58

FromFattoChubby · 08/11/2026 19:46

As you have children then social services will automatically receive a referral. Are you aware of that?

Thats not true, it wasnt at the OP's house and the children weren't present......trust me ive been through it

fireflyblue · 08/11/2026 20:00

Crymeariver86 · 08/11/2026 19:58

Thats not true, it wasnt at the OP's house and the children weren't present......trust me ive been through it

I’m praying this is the case, I really don’t want to have to tell children what happened and have them questioned by SS

OP posts:
buymeaboaanddrivemetoreno · 08/11/2026 20:00

Dooooo not try to work through this! That is scary stuff and he obviously cannot be trusted.

MeowDoku · 08/11/2026 20:00

NewLifter · 08/11/2026 19:52

10 hours with no liquids
No food
Not allowed to ring anyone - her children will have been worried sick

Do you honestly think this is ok?

She will have been offered a call when she was booked in as is a legal right, OP says no access to her phone. If she wanted water it would've been available she said it wasn't offered, well no there isn't waitress service, if she'd asked it would've been provided. She also says she wasn't offered food for ten hours but went in at 9:30pm, I didn't eat from 9:30 last night until around 8:30 this morning and I wasn't in a cell. Police custody suites have set catered meals times.

As for the tracksuit given they let her keep her clothes I assume they weren't needed for evidence or to be taken for self harm risk, the tracksuit was probably warmer than whatever she was wearing given she said it was cold. Thin sheet and a mattress pad are standard. No sheet if there is a self harm risk and the mattress.pads have to be wipe clean.

I'm sure it wasn't pleasant, police custody isn't, but there's nothing to lodge a complaint about.

Ifyounevergiveup · 08/11/2026 20:01

This happened to a friend of ours, exactly the same way. Years later she still struggles to put it behind her, it’s left her permanently traumatised. It was the utter humiliation. She dumped the guy too but in all seriousness, if it still clings to you after a few months do consider talking to a professional, if only to hear someone who doesn’t know you tell you that you were a victim here.

millmoo · 08/11/2026 20:05

Crymeariver86 · 08/11/2026 19:58

Thats not true, it wasnt at the OP's house and the children weren't present......trust me ive been through it

It is true. Doesn’t matter that the children weren’t there. Once a police report is received by social services they will call OP and probably ask school to speak to the children.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 08/11/2026 20:06

It's also not up to a victim if charges are pressed.

BF wasn't a victim, was he? he was wasting police time accusing OP of having assaulted him when she says she didn't and showed her hands to the police to prove that. BF wasn't so upset that he wasn't straight round the police station telling them she hadn't assaulted him and was apparently OK she sat in a cell for 18 hours.

FromFattoChubby · 08/11/2026 20:11

Crymeariver86 · 08/11/2026 19:58

Thats not true, it wasnt at the OP's house and the children weren't present......trust me ive been through it

It is true. If a primary care giver for under 18s is arrested for assault then police have a statutory duty to inform social services.

Crymeariver86 · 08/11/2026 20:11

millmoo · 08/11/2026 20:05

It is true. Doesn’t matter that the children weren’t there. Once a police report is received by social services they will call OP and probably ask school to speak to the children.

Thats my point, the police wont notify SS as the children werent present. Like I say, I've been through it

Cantgetausername87 · 08/11/2026 20:13

I don't think OP is complaining about the police - I think she was describing how she felt and the ordeal it was.
But your boyfriend would know that it would be distressing and awful. He did that so that you wouldn't EVER call the police on him again and that you wouldn't EVER argue with him. That's the main thing to take from this - have you blocked him? Please tell me you're not considering making things up with him. He's clearly coercing you into being to afraid to report anything again x

professionalcommentreader · 08/11/2026 20:15

MeowDoku · 08/11/2026 20:00

She will have been offered a call when she was booked in as is a legal right, OP says no access to her phone. If she wanted water it would've been available she said it wasn't offered, well no there isn't waitress service, if she'd asked it would've been provided. She also says she wasn't offered food for ten hours but went in at 9:30pm, I didn't eat from 9:30 last night until around 8:30 this morning and I wasn't in a cell. Police custody suites have set catered meals times.

As for the tracksuit given they let her keep her clothes I assume they weren't needed for evidence or to be taken for self harm risk, the tracksuit was probably warmer than whatever she was wearing given she said it was cold. Thin sheet and a mattress pad are standard. No sheet if there is a self harm risk and the mattress.pads have to be wipe clean.

I'm sure it wasn't pleasant, police custody isn't, but there's nothing to lodge a complaint about.

Agree with this.

Also the op had been drinking so potentially it was decided therefore not appropriate to interview during the night.

She also had a solicitor who would have ensured the case was dealt with promptly as possible, if it was duty the Police may have had to wait for the solicitor to be available alongside their other clients. Often the duty solicitor also covers more than one station.

Custody also deals with multiple people esp on a Saturday night plus selfharmers, drunks, violent people etc.

People saying complain, custody isn’t a hotel.

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