How do you meet your intellectual needs?

[IntellectuallyStarved]

Just that really.

I think I must have a really high need for intellectual stimulation. It's what keeps me feeling energised and I'm really feeling the lack of it and have been for a few years.

I was with my ex husband for 15 years and I know that our intellectual connection was really the only thing that kept us together. I've never really found that in anyone else. And I know that he hasn't either.

I'm in a relationship with a lovely man whose company I enjoy and have a lot of shared interests with but he doesn't have the interest or the ability to engage on a much higher level. Thats fine and I know no one can tick every box.

Before him, I dated a man who was far more interested in this but it didn't work because he was only really interested in being right and feeling superior to other people, which isn't what I'm interested in either.

My 28yo son and I have an intellectual connection and I know its something he similarly craves so we talk to each other but it still doesn't feel enough.

I have worked for 20 years in a professional career that can be very tiring and involves long hours and a lot of mental activity and hard work but it isn't intellectually stimulating and is becoming increasingly less so. I've recently left that and am moving into a related field which has a much wider scope for challenge. I hope!

I think i need to diversify so that my career is more varied and intellectually stimulating, which I think this move would be. But I don't really know where to start.

It's not that I want to sit around for hours debating world politics or have indepth discussions on 19th century literature. It's more that I need deeper conversations, I suppose. Although, I love listening people talk about topics they are passionate about even if I don't share the passion or have the knowledge in their specialism to engage at their level. Nor is it necessarily about intelligence. I suppose it's a true intellectual curiosity and a desire to explore ideas with someone else that I need.

I have a lot of acquaintances but few close friends because of various life stuff that has happened. I'm also autistic and my two closest friends are too which means we're not always very good at meeting up. I do have deeper conversations with them but they're few and far between.

And maybe it not even someone else I need. Maybe it's a need I should be meeting in myself?

So I'm just hoping there will be others who share this need and who can share what they do - for inspiration.

Thanks.

Respectfully, The Housemaid is a disposable thriller. The OP is entitled to know perfectly well that it's not the kind of thing she wants to read, far less to discuss with other people.

Have a look around at what's on offer at local book groups, @IntellectuallyStarved. The longstanding monthly ones I know of around here are run by local indie bookshops and a small publishing house. In one the manager chooses the monthly book, at the other bookshop, the staff member who runs the book group will offer a choice of three books at each meeting for the next meeting, and go with whatever gets most votes. I go along only when the book choice interests me -- there's no pressure to attend regularly. One is purely literary fiction, one is a bit more varied and includes non-fiction, some poetry and work in translation (this year had Anne Carson and Olga Tocarczuk), while the publishing house has a regional focus, and often has authors in to talk about their work, if living.

I think the library also has one, but I've never attended that one.

You could always set up your own, if nothing appeals locally?

There is a medium somewhere between being a snob and looking down on the less educated ( which is often a marker of social class, something no one has yet dared touch upon) and hiding your interests and knowledge for fear of being called a snob. It is a very British thing, I grew up abroad and went to french schools where being intelligent was admired. I was surprised it was something my peers would often deny when the “accusation” was levelled at them, after I came back to England at age 15.

It’s just relentless, your attitude, which must pervade your life. I’m done with you. Thread unwatched.

Yes. I’m not British, though I lived there for many years, and I’m working class. No issue in my culture of origin with WC people hiding their intelligence.