How do you meet your intellectual needs?

[IntellectuallyStarved]

Just that really.

I think I must have a really high need for intellectual stimulation. It's what keeps me feeling energised and I'm really feeling the lack of it and have been for a few years.

I was with my ex husband for 15 years and I know that our intellectual connection was really the only thing that kept us together. I've never really found that in anyone else. And I know that he hasn't either.

I'm in a relationship with a lovely man whose company I enjoy and have a lot of shared interests with but he doesn't have the interest or the ability to engage on a much higher level. Thats fine and I know no one can tick every box.

Before him, I dated a man who was far more interested in this but it didn't work because he was only really interested in being right and feeling superior to other people, which isn't what I'm interested in either.

My 28yo son and I have an intellectual connection and I know its something he similarly craves so we talk to each other but it still doesn't feel enough.

I have worked for 20 years in a professional career that can be very tiring and involves long hours and a lot of mental activity and hard work but it isn't intellectually stimulating and is becoming increasingly less so. I've recently left that and am moving into a related field which has a much wider scope for challenge. I hope!

I think i need to diversify so that my career is more varied and intellectually stimulating, which I think this move would be. But I don't really know where to start.

It's not that I want to sit around for hours debating world politics or have indepth discussions on 19th century literature. It's more that I need deeper conversations, I suppose. Although, I love listening people talk about topics they are passionate about even if I don't share the passion or have the knowledge in their specialism to engage at their level. Nor is it necessarily about intelligence. I suppose it's a true intellectual curiosity and a desire to explore ideas with someone else that I need.

I have a lot of acquaintances but few close friends because of various life stuff that has happened. I'm also autistic and my two closest friends are too which means we're not always very good at meeting up. I do have deeper conversations with them but they're few and far between.

And maybe it not even someone else I need. Maybe it's a need I should be meeting in myself?

So I'm just hoping there will be others who share this need and who can share what they do - for inspiration.

Thanks.

My partner isn't academic or intellectual and that wasnt a problem when we got together because he's intelligent just a bit 'unrefoned' with it.

We talked a lot in the early days about all sorts but, over time, i think I've realised it's more me talking and him listening but he doesn't really have much to contribute. He says that I process things very quickly and he finds it hard to keep up with me and he feels out of his depth.

He definitely learns but I'm not mentally stimulated by that.

Conversations that aren't purely functional tend to fizzle out very quickly. But that's just one part of him. We have a lot of shared goals and interests and I know I'd never get every need met by one person.

Thats why I need to meet that need in other ways.

There have been some good suggestions.

My son and I are going to find a weekend course /lecture to attend together anyway 😂

I recently changed jobs to one that has a lot more problem solving and I've realised that it's freed me up to relax after work a lot more since my mind has more to do. So I'd focus on that if you can.
During the period where I was in a bit of a rut at work, I tried to go to as many lectures and talks as possible in the evening to get a bit more simulation.

I'm hoping that my new role will provide more intellectual challenge and provide other opportunities too.

I've now contacted a charity about doing some voluntary work with them and have signed up to an online lecture this evening.

The voluntary role wouldn't provide much in the way of intellectual challenge initially but would give opportunities for some problem solving and conversation.

I've previously been a charity trustee so there is always the possibility of doing that again in the future.

I think I'd just beocme so overwhelmed by work that I just didn't have the capacity to do much else and then almost forgot what to do when I wasn't overwhelmed by work!

This thread has been really helpful for kickstarting me again so thank you.

I’m an academic. I have almost zero need for intellectual stimulation from anyone outside of work! I do plenty of thinking every day, plus I read lots. But with Dh and dc and friends I just want to laugh and talk about life. I absolutely do not want to talk about philosophy. Is it possible you’re just bored? I’m never bored. I have lots of hobbies and I travel and the kids have hobbies. There is no space for sitting around thinking someone should be entertaining me.

In terms of your relationship, you simply don’t sound compatible, sorry! Dh and I don’t talk about anything intellectual, but we never run out of things to talk about, even after nearly 20 years. If the conversation is just fizzling out, you don’t really sound right for each other.

I don't think I've suggested anyone should be 'entertaining' me, have I?

Bring up topics you think he may be interested in.

"The voluntary role wouldn't provide much in the way of intellectual challenge initially but would give opportunities for some problem solving and conversation." I find volunteers are very outward looking. I work with a very mixed bag politically, from a variety of professional backgrounds and the conversations are wide ranging.

A different source of free courses/lectures. https://ocw.mit.edu/

I go to things with friends, DH goes to football matches. Tomorrow evening we are seeing Prof Alice Roberts' live show Cell to Civilisation.

I do. But he still can't easily talk very deeply about those. It's still very superficial. Like an exchange of facts but with little exploration.

I just don't think he's ever had the opportunity to and so hasn't developed that depth of thinking.

He's not unintelligent. It's just a skill he hasn't developed.

Anyway, I shared with him the link to some of the lectures and there were several he was interested in. I'm going to do some alone but there are a couple we're going to do together.

I find volunteers are very outward looking. I work with a very mixed bag politically, from a variety of professional backgrounds and the conversations are wide ranging.

Of course. I was thinking more about the role itself than the people. But I'm looking forward to meeting new people definitely.

I have done some sort of education since forever, whether it be language classes (actual classes,) OU or something else. I go to lots of museums and exhibitions. I have friends I can talk history or art to. I listen to a lot of R4, especially In Our Time. I've just read an interesting article a friend sent.

You can't get it all from one person.

Yes, you're right.

I've said a few times I don't expect to get it from him. Which is why i asked what other people do to meet the need in themselves.

And when it comes to volunteering- there's such a range of things. I've a friend who is cataloguing behind the scenes at the local museum- that sort of thing would suit me far more than serving in a shop, for example, do you need to pick and choose carefully there.

Use your intellect to source intellectual stimulation; and enjoy your lusty man alongside this.

My DP is into fitness and mending/building electronic things, is articulate and has a brain but is not into anything in the studying/gaining knowledge thing anymore. Fair enough he's retired.

I retired recently and can now find time to pursue my history passions by researching and visiting WW1 sites like a recent trip to Flanders and the Somme, and am slowly making my way around as many Greek and Roman sites in Europe (and UK) that I can. I have done a few so far, and have a list as long as your arm! I do these trips on my own and I enjoy them so so much. It doesn't take up all my life, but is a passion and that's how I keep my brain oiled!

I've been chatting to ai this morning and learnt lots of new stuff. We were exploring the development of old English into various current English dialects. Also the role of Alfred's chronicles and how to access them. This will lead me to online access and library visits. Development of language through cultures and history interests me and I know a lot. Way more than anyone I come across irl. So it was great.
DH talks about musicians and the cat.

Oh I agree.

The role I'm interested in meets several of my personal needs as well as hopefully benefitting other people too!

I think work really had just become so completely all consuming that I'd just lost myself a bit.

That sounds amazing!!

We were exploring the development of old English into various current English dialects.

Development of language through cultures and history interests me and I know a lot.

This is one of my son's areas of interest!

I used to feel like this!

Now I’m senior in my job with a young daughter, and I feel like my brain has turned to cotton wool and I can barely hold a conversation. I just want simplicity lately!

If you live near a city there must be loads of events, literature festivals, talks, screenings you can go to. Public events at universities libraries, art galleries, etc. Do you have to discuss things with someone, or can you just enjoy reading stuff that’s intellectually stimulating? We love our MUBI subscription for international art house films at home, too.

Work and my eldest son
my husband isn’t too bad, but he’s not as intelligent as me

No, I can just enjoy things on my own too. It would be nice to have someone to share them with as a bonus.

I was feeling particularly frustrated when I started the thread (which is always the way, I suppose!) but there have been some good suggestions and things I suppose i already knew really but couldn't see the wood for the trees and just needed a bit of a kick start.

I will have a look to see what is going on locally. I think I was focused on trying to find things in could do with my partner beforehand and he isn't all that interested so I do just need to do more things alone.

I have already done a couple of things since starting the thead to get started.

My career should he intellectualy stimulating (and previously was) but has been overtaken by micromanagement and has become very descriptive. Whereas individuality and experitse used to be at least valued somewhat, it's become very rigid and personal input has become frowned upon.

I'm hoping my move will give me some of that back because it relies almost entirely on personal input, problem solving and creativity.

The moutain biking could be as equally as interesting as the book. I'd imagine there's a certain level of skill involved in both!

From my perspective as an example, my husband is more into his sports of all kinds, whereas I'm happy to stick myself in a multi volume history set or something medical. But I still find his interests very much intellectual in their own right. I couldn't tell you the rules of American Football, the full blown history behind it, just as one example. I don't feel my interests are more intellectual than his, I admire his attention to detail in a fast paced environment!

Intellect and academia don't always need to go hand in hand.

Many people can be intellectual in their own ways with their own interests. So if anyone comes across this thread and feels they don't live up to societies intellectual standard, I'm sure you absolutely do!

He might become interested if you start going to things. Does he have interests?

I did a local 12 week pottery class once and it was fabulous. Really enjoyed it. Not intellectual but something new, and a sense of achievement.

Do you work in academia? Your description of what your job has become sounds like mine!

Skill at mountain biking isn’t anything to do with intellect,

The obvious question is why are you with him?