How do you meet your intellectual needs?

[IntellectuallyStarved]

Just that really.

I think I must have a really high need for intellectual stimulation. It's what keeps me feeling energised and I'm really feeling the lack of it and have been for a few years.

I was with my ex husband for 15 years and I know that our intellectual connection was really the only thing that kept us together. I've never really found that in anyone else. And I know that he hasn't either.

I'm in a relationship with a lovely man whose company I enjoy and have a lot of shared interests with but he doesn't have the interest or the ability to engage on a much higher level. Thats fine and I know no one can tick every box.

Before him, I dated a man who was far more interested in this but it didn't work because he was only really interested in being right and feeling superior to other people, which isn't what I'm interested in either.

My 28yo son and I have an intellectual connection and I know its something he similarly craves so we talk to each other but it still doesn't feel enough.

I have worked for 20 years in a professional career that can be very tiring and involves long hours and a lot of mental activity and hard work but it isn't intellectually stimulating and is becoming increasingly less so. I've recently left that and am moving into a related field which has a much wider scope for challenge. I hope!

I think i need to diversify so that my career is more varied and intellectually stimulating, which I think this move would be. But I don't really know where to start.

It's not that I want to sit around for hours debating world politics or have indepth discussions on 19th century literature. It's more that I need deeper conversations, I suppose. Although, I love listening people talk about topics they are passionate about even if I don't share the passion or have the knowledge in their specialism to engage at their level. Nor is it necessarily about intelligence. I suppose it's a true intellectual curiosity and a desire to explore ideas with someone else that I need.

I have a lot of acquaintances but few close friends because of various life stuff that has happened. I'm also autistic and my two closest friends are too which means we're not always very good at meeting up. I do have deeper conversations with them but they're few and far between.

And maybe it not even someone else I need. Maybe it's a need I should be meeting in myself?

So I'm just hoping there will be others who share this need and who can share what they do - for inspiration.

Thanks.

“Man cannot stand a meaningless life" (Carl Jung)

Not so. I know plenty of men who can and do 😁

Non of my needs are met. I’m a mother of SEND kids with an abusive ex . We’re not allowed needs

Id say doing more education for me, highlighted the differences even more. I became energised and curious and he wasnt. So it was another thing that we didnt share.

@OneandFiveOnly im a mum too of send kids x

I think the sense of 'another thing' is hard.

I have nothing to say, OneandFiveOnly

I'm not in your position, I know, but know others who are. It's shit and I hear you 💐

if you’re interested in philosophy and the history of ideas you are an intellectual

the other stuff is ‘cultured’ which can be helpful to expand the core stuff but isn’t necessary in advance - you can add the culture to the ideas (and the historical periods during which they predominated) that interest you, to fill things out and add texture/relief.

imo it’s a very effective way to go about things. Start with the ideas and then sample some of the literature which the new ideas are reacting to, and some which reflects a struggle with or acceptance of the idea.

Full admiration for your intellectual ability.
But have you ever thought of taking yourself out of your comfort zone and doing something widely different?
You seem wholely in your peace with academia. But have you ever thought about going wider..and actually doing it?
You give off the impression, that whilst you state change would be nice that you would never change.
I would be happy to hear why your life has to be so academic...without watching the waves on a beach, why fish and chips may not be liberating, why not learning to how to knit may not be a thing.
I would like to think that generally, you are happy with your life. But from my perspective, you are missing a huge part of the world.
Go see waves on a beach and enjoy the experience. Find other aspects of your personality. I refuse to believe that someone is so academic, that they truly neglect viewing the world, countryside, seaside and searching out new places to travel.
You are comfortable with where you are now. But you are leading a hell of a sheltered life. I'm sure you realise that too. It takes a great deal of courage to explore new things when you are autistic.

Thank you. Especially since my reply was insanely unhelpful. Rough day - local authority refused an EHCP assessment due to school sending in zero evidence, 3 hours owed to work due to 1.5 hours sat outside school trying to get child into school and my car clutch and cable (which I’ve just spent £1000 on replacing the entire system a month ago) breaking again and being told I now need a new gearbox. I’m barely holding onto my job as it is.

Anyhoo, I’d imagine the best way to fill intellectual needs is look for groups/societies locally in your subject area or see if universities in your region do open lectures/discussion evenings on your subject of interest?

Hmm I don’t think I’d describe everyone who was interested in philosophy and the history of ideas an intellectual, myself included. I think wondering about philosophical and existential things is part of what makes us human. Maybe the difference would be, a regular person would enjoy wondering and talking about things like morals, ethics, the universe, and whether aliens exist in a more general way, but an intellectual would be quoting philosophers and historians in their discussion. And their conversation would be much more detailed and specific…maybe

'Intellectual' is really related to the capacity to think (and interest in thinking) about things, apply logic and reasons, critically evaluate, play around with ideas, engage in deeper thought.

You're still referring to 'intellectuals' as a class of people. There will be some people who fit that brief but any conversation which involves deeper thinking, questioning, reasoning, logic etc is 'intellectual' in nature.

You don't need to quote philosophers to have a philosophical conversation. Philosophising is just the love of playing around with ideas, examining the human condition, thinking about why people do what they do etc.

Eg a conversation about botox and lip fillers wouldn't be intellectual if you were just offering an opinion on them or talking about, which you prefer and why. But could be if you came at it from a feminist perspective ot were discussing the rise in popularity and theorising why that might be the case and the impact.

I did two Masters degrees while with my ex..lol. My now-partner and I have similar interests re politics, the news etc and it’s great to have those conversations. I’m not an intellectual btw, and my partner would absolutely not accept that tag either, he’s just really smart. I didn’t realise how much I missed that.

I've been watching a lot of the "Mini Philosophy"videos on You Tube for thinking about why life is like it is, Truly Criminal becuase.it approaches crimes from a purely factual and analytical way and I like to work out how people can commit such crimes.

Same for Fascinating Horror and i also watch a lot of Simon Whistler stuff but you have to pick out the really interesting stuff.

Reading with interest, as like you OP intellectually stimulating conversation is important to me. I don't equate this with 'being an intellectual'. You dont need to be an intellectual to have the capacity to take part in a lively and stimulating conversation. I think it is more a personality trait - a deep curiosity about the world and an enjoyment in sharing ideas and thoughts with a 'sparring partner'. I think people are either like this or not. Sadly my DH isn't really, despite being an intelligent man. I find book club, podcasts and reading help. I do have colleagues and friends who I can have such chats with. But it is a bit of an unmet need overall.

She doesn't sound like she has a chip on her shoulder at all!

he just hadn’t gained the wisdom and understanding about the world I’d gained in the last 10 years.

everyone gets older, not everyone matures. All of us know many older people who, while considered intelligent, appear to have not undergone that deep introspection that crystallises lived experience into the gold that you see glimpses of in others. (now paranoid about how clunky this post is 😂)

You can’t spell completely correctly though. Ha ha.

I agree with others. Many of you are a bore and arrogant with it.

Yes, she does. There’s no correlation whatsoever between any particular level of intellectual prowess/stupidity and ‘snobbery’. If that poster perceives one, she’s bringing it with her own bias.

As she freely admits to never reading and to only having a rudimentary understanding of politics, and her post has some odd ideas about what constitute ‘typical intellectual’ topics, it is, however, perfectly possible that someone having a conversation with her about any of these would legitimately consider her underinformed.

Oh god my husband was like this and he was such a bore. Constantly lecturing me as if he was literally delivering a lecture. I used to just sit there silent because his lack of awareness was shocking and he came across like an absolute self righteous, holier-than-thou self appointed guru who had to 'teach' me stuff. It certainly wasn't because I agreed with him, I was afraid to open my mouth incase he started branching off in more sanctimonious lectures! I remember thinking it would be great if he had a stroke and lost the power of speech, then I'd be whipping out the flip chart and lecturing him!

You don’t get everything you need from one partner

@Minasama I completely agree and it's important not to expect that our partner will fulfill all our needs, because it's an impossible expectation!

My DH is more intellectual than me. He reads alot, listens to podcasts and watches documentaries, we go to museums and galleries together, plus he has friends with whom he discusses politics, finance, etc., as I'm less interested in those subjects than he is.

OTOH, he's not into the same sport as me so I do that without him and I go to the theatre with other friends as he's not always interested in what we want to see.

I'm picturing this and it looks great. Both of you are engaging in reading material that is enjoyable to you both. You don't get extra points for reading "original" books.

@TheGander Yep, it's really important to give each other the space to do what you like.

I find fb groups based on interest and from there met many wonderful chat connections over the years. I am blessed to have highly educated and intellectual open minded husband but we have slightly different interests...right now I am into syclopian architecture and it is a hot topic on youtube

What I observed also, is that many amazing intellects have high value content on youtube for free and this has never been available before