Page 7 | DH has just confessed to going on a date with OW

Lighthouse35 · 2026-11-02T21:14:05+00:00

Long story short we have been married 5 years and have two little children. DH gave me the script at the start of the year, I felt him pulling away and he rewrote our whole relationship. I had my suspicions but we carried on for months until one Monday he announced he was leaving me. He disappeared that weekend and phone was off. The Sunday morning he arrived at our home begging to come home. I carried on as normal for the kids sake and we spoke that evening, he told me he had gone out drinking with a mate and regretted leaving us. So months go by and I repeatedly ask him the truth as my gut feeling was telling me something wasn’t right. He stayed on his best behaviour and was adamant his story was the truth until tonight. A really good job opportunity came up near to where he claimed he went drinking that night. The whole thing was brought up again and he finally confessed that he had met OW at Christmas work do in December, we’re texting on and off until he finally met her on a date in may , the weekend he disappeared. He claims he felt guilt, left her after the date and stayed at a hotel by himself as he’d been drinking. Then came home to us the next morning. He had actually traveled 2 hours to meet her. I just can’t quite believe it. He has mad at me for digging and saying are you happy now? He’s not acted remorseful at all. I just don’t know what my next steps are. I know that no one is perfect, we all mess up but he made me think I was crazy for months. Any advice?

grinandslothit · Yesterday 21:32

So he thought the solution to his problem was jumping in bed with another woman
Instead of going to the GP maybe getting on medication getting referral to a therapist to actually solve his problems

I wouldn't take him back either because he spent all those months lying to your face how could you ever trust him again

Superhumanfemale · Yesterday 22:43

Peace of mind is priceless and sometimes we have to go through some really difficult stuff in life to achieve it but it’s absolutely worth it.

mmmarmalade · Yesterday 22:47

Lighthouse35 · Yesterday 19:52

My main issues are he planned to meet the woman while we were together, then left me and met her to sleep with her. He keeps saying how depressed he was and how he just had enough of his life. It clearly didn’t work out so he came running back and rather than telling me the truth, made me look a fool for months.
Hes acting impulsive now, it’s sunk in this is real that he’s now at his parents house with his belongings and having to tell them. He’s even just changed his mobile number now to prove to me and he’s downloaded the tracking app and shared it with me. The fact my marriage has come to that I just can’t believe it.

This is an another meaningless move on his part - changing his number and sharing his location - there are a thousand loopholes in this - he can give her his new number, does his phone allow 2 SIM's (1 physical, 1 virtual or soft SIM), does he have another phone, can you see what he spends his money on (e.g. buying a 2nd phone), do you even know about all of the accounts he has, etc. Fundamentally you no longer trust him - he's an idiot if he thinks he can ever fix that. Go the whole hog - tell him you want a face to face with her - all 3 of you - see how much he really wants to go to try and fix things - it's not going to happen is it? I don't know how you can ever fully trust him again - clearly done people do work through it but I doubt the relationship is ever the same. It's so disappointing that he has followed every step of DARVO to the letter - he's not special in any way is he? Just a run of the mill moron.

outerspacepotato · Yesterday 23:03

Lighthouse35 · Yesterday 19:52

My main issues are he planned to meet the woman while we were together, then left me and met her to sleep with her. He keeps saying how depressed he was and how he just had enough of his life. It clearly didn’t work out so he came running back and rather than telling me the truth, made me look a fool for months.
Hes acting impulsive now, it’s sunk in this is real that he’s now at his parents house with his belongings and having to tell them. He’s even just changed his mobile number now to prove to me and he’s downloaded the tracking app and shared it with me. The fact my marriage has come to that I just can’t believe it.

Things didn't work out quite how he planned and now he's at his parents' with his tail between his legs because oh, boohoo, he had ED. Sure ya did, dude. 🙄He's full of 🐂💩.

He left you for the OW. If things had worked how he wanted, he would be at the OW's place. You wouldn't be a blip on his radar and he would expect you to suck it up.

Do you want to be his soft landing spot when his affairs go south? Because this isn't a one off.

Original poster

Lighthouse35 · Yesterday 23:23

I have to agree he really isn’t special is he, I see him so differently now. I wish he had just left me for the OW , moved on and not played this game for the last few months. I can’t have him back in this house , my pride won’t allow it. He’s becoming more and more remorseful over text, all the anger has gone as he’s realised that’s not going to wash with me, I won’t be manipulated into thinking it was my fault. I sat there and remembered all the arguments and I did not deserve to stabbed in the back like that. I’ve managed to confined in my mum and a friend tonight, I couldn’t keep it to myself much longer. I just need to take it one day at a time. I really appreciate all the comments and support

OP posts:

Nursegladys2 · Yesterday 23:34

Glad you've managed to confide in someone OP. You shouldn't have to go through this alone. Sending hugs. 💐

45fh · Yesterday 23:39

He is doing the pity party act now.

It won't last, then he will go back to being angry at you that he will be looked at as the guilty part by others.

Because, of course, he is

PixelatedLunchbox · Today 00:18

One line gives you the answer: He’s not acted remorseful at all.

Yes we do all mess up. But the good humans have remorse and show remorse when they’ve hurt another person. He doesn’t.

What are your next steps? You know the answer @Lighthouse35. Time to take out the trash.

Nearly50omg · Today 01:40

I was stupid and let my husband come back after he had his first affair. He changed for all of 5 minutes then spent years coercively controlling and domestically abusing me. Along with trying to have another affair of course which he finally did. I wasted all those years of my life and wish I had stayed firm at the start and divorced him years ago when I had the chance to start over again

SandyY2K · Today 02:34

Lighthouse35 · Yesterday 23:23

I have to agree he really isn’t special is he, I see him so differently now. I wish he had just left me for the OW , moved on and not played this game for the last few months. I can’t have him back in this house , my pride won’t allow it. He’s becoming more and more remorseful over text, all the anger has gone as he’s realised that’s not going to wash with me, I won’t be manipulated into thinking it was my fault. I sat there and remembered all the arguments and I did not deserve to stabbed in the back like that. I’ve managed to confined in my mum and a friend tonight, I couldn’t keep it to myself much longer. I just need to take it one day at a time. I really appreciate all the comments and support

You need space from him. You've had a massive shock. He needs to get his head straight and stop blaming you. What a cheek.

Don't rush to make a permanent decision at the moment.

He needs to smarten up his ideas and realise this could lead to the end of your marriage, if he doesn't do right.

He can start with going on www.survivinginfidelity.com (wayward forum)
Let him be honest and seek support to help try and fix this... or even have a chance.

PinkyBrain290 · Today 02:52

Wow. This was me 12 years ago. "DH" met someone else at a Christmas party and I felt it the moment he came home. Dump him. Please do not stay like I have. It's not worth it. He is MINIMISING!! You know there is more to this than he is letting on. Please feel free to PM me if you want to chat, I understand how difficult this is and I truly sympathise with you xx

kkloo · Today 05:54

Lighthouse35 · Yesterday 19:52

My main issues are he planned to meet the woman while we were together, then left me and met her to sleep with her. He keeps saying how depressed he was and how he just had enough of his life. It clearly didn’t work out so he came running back and rather than telling me the truth, made me look a fool for months.
Hes acting impulsive now, it’s sunk in this is real that he’s now at his parents house with his belongings and having to tell them. He’s even just changed his mobile number now to prove to me and he’s downloaded the tracking app and shared it with me. The fact my marriage has come to that I just can’t believe it.

And this is just what you know, the truth could be much much worse.

Don't be surprised if he switches back to anger at you soon also.

Granville82 · Today 05:58

If you split up from him, your kids will go there half the time with him and his new wife/girlfriend, who won't like/love the children and will feel threatened by them. Whatever face she puts on it. Don't do that to your kids. Try to work through this with DH.