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DH has just confessed to going on a date with OW

163 replies

Lighthouse35 · 02/11/2026 21:14

Long story short we have been married 5 years and have two little children. DH gave me the script at the start of the year, I felt him pulling away and he rewrote our whole relationship. I had my suspicions but we carried on for months until one Monday he announced he was leaving me. He disappeared that weekend and phone was off.

The Sunday morning he arrived at our home begging to come home. I carried on as normal for the kids sake and we spoke that evening, he told me he had gone out drinking with a mate and regretted leaving us. So months go by and I repeatedly ask him the truth as my gut feeling was telling me something wasn’t right. He stayed on his best behaviour and was adamant his story was the truth until tonight.

A really good job opportunity came up near to where he claimed he went drinking that night. The whole thing was brought up again and he finally confessed that he had met OW at Christmas work do in December, we’re texting on and off until he finally met her on a date in may , the weekend he disappeared. He claims he felt guilt, left her after the date and stayed at a hotel by himself as he’d been drinking. Then came home to us the next morning. He had actually traveled 2 hours to meet her. I just can’t quite believe it. He has mad at me for digging and saying are you happy now? He’s not acted remorseful at all. I just don’t know what my next steps are. I know that no one is perfect, we all mess up but he made me think I was crazy for months. Any advice?

OP posts:
Jumpingpeas · 02/11/2026 22:49

I'd be willing to bet his version is the damage limitation version. I fear the actual truth would be a lot uglier. What a shit he is. So sorry OP. Hope you have someone to talk to IRL.

Hadenough32 · 02/11/2026 22:52

He shagged her for sure

mumumental · 02/11/2026 23:01

He’s an arsehole.

Pinkissmart · 02/11/2026 23:02

You’re only 5 years in and he’s lied, gaslit, betrayed you and your relationship, and cheated.

Don’t waste the rest of your beautiful life on this man

LivelyGreyShark · 02/11/2026 23:32

Oh i wish there was something i could say other than 'he's just not that into you' - actually a famous wiccan once said to me 'when the tears have dried you'll know you're worth more'.

Francestein · 02/11/2026 23:35

Men get angry when they are caught out because they don’t like their self-image to be burst by the potential that everyone’s going to find out he’s a lying, cheating cliche.
That or the person he was dating didn’t want to go there and told him to go back to his wife, so he feels stupid, rejected and resentful that he’s stuck with “HER” instead of the goddess he feels entitled to.
Fucker.

Lumpyteats · 02/11/2026 23:37

The way he treats you and speaks to you - the total lack of care and respect and goodwill - is even worse than the cheating IMO.

Even if you are prepared forgive the latter, he is not a good man and this is not a healthy relationship. I don't think you should.

Playedandfurious · 02/11/2026 23:38

Get rid. He's gaslit you for months and that in itself is unforgiveable.
You deserve better than this

DuggansBakery · 02/11/2026 23:40

He will have calculated what he thinks to be the least worst scenario to confess to. Assume the worst.

LibertyBustop · 02/11/2026 23:42

I’m very sorry.

You need to get an STD check.

Piknik · 02/11/2026 23:44

They stayed at the hotel together - of course they did! Who feels remorse at the level he is describing and doesn't come rushing home????

They had sex
She got the 'ick
or he got the 'ick

One way or another it was all a bit of a let down and not going to go any further so he quickly had to backtrack from 'leaving you' and come home.

He then lied and lied
And told you a half truth
And is now angry at you?

I am truly sorry this happened to your marriage, but this is not 'making a silly mistake' this is a campaign of cheating, lying, betrayal and gaslighting.

He has shown you who he is and what he thinks of you. Now you have to decide what you are worth. I'm not saying it's easy - especially with DC - but this is your chance. Please don't be a push over....

BibbityBoppityTwo · 02/11/2026 23:51

If he left you before he went off on this date, rest assured the only reason he returned is the OW never had any intention of sleeping with him and turned him down, or he told her he’d left you for her and she had no interest in anything that serious. He has not just suddenly developed guilty feeling after making a show of leaving the relationship.

How dare he get angry at you! Get rid of him, you deserve much better than this. He’ll certainly do it again if the opportunity presents itself.

Lavenderandbrown · Yesterday 01:29

While you are deciding how to move forward into your future please be sure you have reliable contraception in place and in use.

He’s lying.

catlover123456789 · Yesterday 01:51

He's annoyed at YOU because HE cheated?

In some ways, that's actually worse than the actual cheating.

MustardGlass · Yesterday 02:00

For the rest of your life if you stay with him, he will fuck up, blame you and you will be the one feeling guilty. Do you want that?

UnderMirkwood · Yesterday 02:14

I think it's more probable that he shagged her than that he stayed the night in the hotel alone, but personally I would find the lying, the gaslighting and the complete lack of remorse worse than the actual shag. He is a nasty, manipulative little shit and I would never trust him again and would certainly not want to live with anyone like that.

Starlia · Yesterday 03:45

He has the nerve to be angry with you? What a nasty little prick.

This will not get better; you need to get rid of him.

In the rare event that a relationship survives beyond infidelity, it requires total remorse, transparency, honesty and a willingness to do whatever it takes to repair the relationship. If he isn’t willing to do that, he isn’t worth the effort.

allthingsinmoderation · Yesterday 03:54

He seems to be gaslighting you by blame shifting .
He's betrayed your trust by cheating on you,lied about it for months and now your reaction is the problem?
This is psychological abuse.
What do you want to do about it?

kkloo · Yesterday 04:01

It would be over for me.
He cheated.
He lied.
He made you feel like you were crazy for months.

And when you found out the truth he is treating you like you did something wrong.

Iocanepowder · Yesterday 04:08

Sorry op i would never ever be able to trust him again and it would be over.

grinandslothit · Yesterday 04:20

Of course he slept with her he is lying to you
Something must have happened to where she didn't immediately take him in because he would have been gone

Chickpeacurrywithrice · Yesterday 04:32

Not sure which is worse the betrayal or the gas lighting or the anger at you!

Leave him.

missionaccomplished · Yesterday 04:51

He slept with her and didn’t like it.

QueenStevie · Yesterday 05:52

Leave him but make sure he knows why. It is because he is a liar and has gaslit you for months. Keep repeating this to him and anyone else. He will paint the picture he wants to portray which will see him as the wronged, misunderstood man so he and others need to know the truth.

LAMPS1 · Yesterday 05:57

You were right to push for the truth OP.
But I don’t think you are quite there yet.
Does it really matter now though. Only you can decide.

You already know that he’s a despicable coward subjecting you to his anger deliberately, just because he can’t face the truth of who he actually is.

Ask him calmly, if he wants his lie to sit there ruining the rest of your lives and your children’s lives. Or can he actually find the humility to cut the crap and tell you the whole of the real story behind his betrayal - because only when you know the real story can you decide how to go forward.

If he continues to deny you any respect, I’d pack his bags for him, and give yourself some space to think clearly without him and his anger in the house.
There is no peace between you now that the trust is gone.
Not much of a man is he. He has torn up the marriage like a stupid selfish boy and made a mockery of it with no regard for you or your precious little children.
He should be full of remorse, not anger.
Good luck OP. I’m sorry you are facing this awful time.