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Original poster

DH has just confessed to going on a date with OW

163 replies

Lighthouse35 · 02/11/2026 21:14

Long story short we have been married 5 years and have two little children. DH gave me the script at the start of the year, I felt him pulling away and he rewrote our whole relationship. I had my suspicions but we carried on for months until one Monday he announced he was leaving me. He disappeared that weekend and phone was off.

The Sunday morning he arrived at our home begging to come home. I carried on as normal for the kids sake and we spoke that evening, he told me he had gone out drinking with a mate and regretted leaving us. So months go by and I repeatedly ask him the truth as my gut feeling was telling me something wasn’t right. He stayed on his best behaviour and was adamant his story was the truth until tonight.

A really good job opportunity came up near to where he claimed he went drinking that night. The whole thing was brought up again and he finally confessed that he had met OW at Christmas work do in December, we’re texting on and off until he finally met her on a date in may , the weekend he disappeared. He claims he felt guilt, left her after the date and stayed at a hotel by himself as he’d been drinking. Then came home to us the next morning. He had actually traveled 2 hours to meet her. I just can’t quite believe it. He has mad at me for digging and saying are you happy now? He’s not acted remorseful at all. I just don’t know what my next steps are. I know that no one is perfect, we all mess up but he made me think I was crazy for months. Any advice?

OP posts:
Slightyamusedandsilly · Yesterday 05:59

Kick him out. Bad enough that he did it. Worse that he lied for almost a year. But to be angry WITH YOU????

Mother fcker should be on his knees begging for forgiveness. The fact that he isn't doesn't bode well. There'll be an OW replacement along at some point.

Skybluecoat · Yesterday 06:00

You can’t trust him so the relationship is over. So sorry.

Francestein · Yesterday 06:05

Four words: DUCKS IN A ROW.

Don’t protect him. He will be very worried about how people perceive him. He will blame depression and claim to be overhwelmed by the burden of carrying the responsibility for you and your family. He will claim that he had a mental health break and that you and he have been having trouble for years.

The reality is that he saw something he wanted, felt entitled to it and emotionally abandoned his relationship with you to test the waters with the OW and feed his bloody ego.

JustMyView13 · Yesterday 06:17

Carry on as normal. Take time to find a decent solicitor, last winter I noticed them advertising on the tube with discounts after Christmas. Quietly get your ducks in a row, then leave him when you feel you have the strength. Take the initial fee from the joint account in dribs and drabs. Before you’re ready to serve, you could also pre-pay (some / all) of your legal expenses from it too. Money is often a barrier to freedom for some women - why fund his fuck ups?

Linnende · Yesterday 06:20

Lighthouse35 · 02/11/2026 21:14

Long story short we have been married 5 years and have two little children. DH gave me the script at the start of the year, I felt him pulling away and he rewrote our whole relationship. I had my suspicions but we carried on for months until one Monday he announced he was leaving me. He disappeared that weekend and phone was off.

The Sunday morning he arrived at our home begging to come home. I carried on as normal for the kids sake and we spoke that evening, he told me he had gone out drinking with a mate and regretted leaving us. So months go by and I repeatedly ask him the truth as my gut feeling was telling me something wasn’t right. He stayed on his best behaviour and was adamant his story was the truth until tonight.

A really good job opportunity came up near to where he claimed he went drinking that night. The whole thing was brought up again and he finally confessed that he had met OW at Christmas work do in December, we’re texting on and off until he finally met her on a date in may , the weekend he disappeared. He claims he felt guilt, left her after the date and stayed at a hotel by himself as he’d been drinking. Then came home to us the next morning. He had actually traveled 2 hours to meet her. I just can’t quite believe it. He has mad at me for digging and saying are you happy now? He’s not acted remorseful at all. I just don’t know what my next steps are. I know that no one is perfect, we all mess up but he made me think I was crazy for months. Any advice?

He clearly can't be trusted. He has sadly, gaslighted you. I would have to let him go, once the trust has gone, what is left?

SouthernSeaGlass · Yesterday 06:21

I just don't think I could deal with him flouncing off for the week and turning his phone off and then turning up a week later announcing it was all a dreadful mistake. The only reason that he might not have slept with her is that she turned him down. It's always been my belief that a woman having a hole in the corner affair with a married man with children must have very few options - I mean if he does divorce, he surrenders half of the joint assets, pays child support and she can look forward to spending the weekends with resentful stepchildren for years to come.

He may well have found that she was up for some dinners and sex but not really wanting to set up house with him for all the above reasons. I think he was seeing himself in a flatshare or a one bedroom studio apartment - taking the children out at the weekend to the zoo and paying child support.

The only reason to keep him around for a few years is to get the children to a slightly more independent stage and so you don't have to move house. On the other hand, you'd probably have to have sex with him and really, who'd handle that penis with anything other than tongs.

IronEverything · Yesterday 06:23

He's treating you like a fool, don't act like one. You know full well he didn't switch his phone off all weekend to stay in a hotel alone.

If he gets away with it this time, there's certain to be a next time.

OhBettyCalmDown · Yesterday 06:26

Pinkissmart · 02/11/2026 23:02

You’re only 5 years in and he’s lied, gaslit, betrayed you and your relationship, and cheated.

Don’t waste the rest of your beautiful life on this man

This sums it up perfectly. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone who treats you this way.

Also get an STD check just to be sure

Celer · Yesterday 06:31

The script is the most heartbreaking thing - when your history is rewritten so he never was really in love with you. And the dribs and drabs of truth finally oozing out of the quagmire of misery and lies. And facing his anger that you found out.

If they are capable of doing it once, they will do it again (it doesn’t hurt as badly the second time because the damage is already done. It’s easier to leave the marriage but you’ll wish you hadn’t wasted so
much time in it. You feel a right fool).

taupeshorts · Yesterday 06:41

He waited that many months and travelled hours to meet her? He’s in love with her.

He did not stay alone as he’d had MONTHS to decide not to go, so he will have reconciled cheating in his head.

MaggieBsBoat · Yesterday 06:42

Gosh that’s early in a marriage to start shagging around. What a prince. Please don’t believe him when he says he did nothing more. He is lying. They only admit what they have to. He realised that it was just a (shit) shag and he came home. Or she was clear with him that this is all it was and he knew he had to return. Accept him back and repent at leisure. He’ll just do it again. You deserve better.

ItsWoudHaveNotWouldOf · Yesterday 06:50

If he left her after the date and stayed in the hotel alone, it's only because she turned him down. If he's capable of this after five years, then sadly you are not going to have a long and happy marriage OP. He lies, he gaslights, he cheats, the trust is gone...good luck if you think you can ever be happy with someone like this.

TomHanksIsMyHero · Yesterday 06:58

LTB but also contact OW for her side of the story.

It’s not even the date (if that’s all it was) or the intention but the fact he’s gaslit and blaming you!

Makes me wonder what other scenarios he’s behaved like this in, whether you realise it or not.

MikeRafone · Yesterday 07:02

this is so sad that he is thinking you would believe this crap coming out of his mouth - shows so little respect for you.

Franjipanl8r · Yesterday 07:15

No decent man does all of this with a wife and young kids at home.

TheBlueKoala · Yesterday 07:24

Nah. He shagged her and she wasn't impressed and let him know so he came back to you with his tail between his legs. Disgusting !

Francestein · Yesterday 07:26

Also, gather your army. Get in ahead of his narrative and tell all your mutual friends, and both lots of families. You need your support.

nomoremsniceperson · Yesterday 07:27

Clear case of LTB.

Relationships are built on trust. How can you ever believe anything he says ever again?

Twiglets1 · Yesterday 07:28

ThatLilacTiger · 02/11/2026 21:16

Stayed at a hotel by himself? Girl please.

This. He did not stay at a hotel by himself.

I would be assuming he had sex with the OW and then got regrets. Ew.

Skippythemagnificent · Yesterday 07:32

He had his head turned, and immediately started rewriting your relationship so that you became what? The nagging wife who trapped him, treats him badly, makes him miserable, stops him having any life, expects him to give up time to parent his own kids… all the usual yes? All so he could leave and say it was your fault because you’re toxic. When in reality, he was having an affair. Possibly just emotional over text at that point, possibly more. But then he left and immediately went and met her.

Maybe the date didn’t go as well as he hoped and he came running back but he has now shown you who he is. He met a woman and a work night out and then tore down your marriage, left you and the kids and went to that woman. And now look at how he is treating you because you wanted the truth and he was forced to admit it. This isn’t a good man. You picked the wrong man but you do not need to spend your life with him. It’s no longer his choice to come home, you tell him it’s over and start the divorce proceedings. Do not waste your life and best years on the man who did this.

DiggerLily · Yesterday 07:35

Think the phrase is this is the tip of the iceberg

Dery · Yesterday 07:36

You say we all make mistakes but going on a date with someone else is very wrong but it’s not a mistake. It’s deliberate. He didn’t go on a date by accident. None of his behaviour was accidental. It was intentional.

You say you’ve been married only 5 years and you have 2 small children. He’s been pulling away, given you the script, rewritten your history, said he was leaving you and did actually leave you though he came back quickly enough. That timeline says he had his head turned and thought it was basically fine to act on it despite having his wife and little family at home. If he will cheat on you at this stage when he should be particularly protective of you and the family unit, he will cheat on you any time.

Fatherhood has a way of sorting the men from the boys. No doubt he’s a selfish manchild who can’t bear that he’s no longer the centre of your attention. Honestly, OP: you should be scorching him with your anger and ultimately planning a life without him because he will do this again.

Wildfairy · Yesterday 07:37

Dery · Yesterday 07:36

You say we all make mistakes but going on a date with someone else is very wrong but it’s not a mistake. It’s deliberate. He didn’t go on a date by accident. None of his behaviour was accidental. It was intentional.

You say you’ve been married only 5 years and you have 2 small children. He’s been pulling away, given you the script, rewritten your history, said he was leaving you and did actually leave you though he came back quickly enough. That timeline says he had his head turned and thought it was basically fine to act on it despite having his wife and little family at home. If he will cheat on you at this stage when he should be particularly protective of you and the family unit, he will cheat on you any time.

Fatherhood has a way of sorting the men from the boys. No doubt he’s a selfish manchild who can’t bear that he’s no longer the centre of your attention. Honestly, OP: you should be scorching him with your anger and ultimately planning a life without him because he will do this again.

Edited

a mistake means it is an action that’s wrong, not that it wasn’t deliberate.

Littlejellyuk · Yesterday 07:38

Francestein · 02/11/2026 23:35

Men get angry when they are caught out because they don’t like their self-image to be burst by the potential that everyone’s going to find out he’s a lying, cheating cliche.
That or the person he was dating didn’t want to go there and told him to go back to his wife, so he feels stupid, rejected and resentful that he’s stuck with “HER” instead of the goddess he feels entitled to.
Fucker.

This 👆 💯

FIND YOUR ANGER! 🙏
DON'T HAVE ANY MORE CHILDREN WITH THIS MAN. 👎
GET AN STI CHECK! 👍
GET YOUR FINANCIAL DUCKS IN A ROW! 🦆

He is angry that you got a little bit of the truth from him (there will be TONS more info, you mark my words, this is the tip of the iceberg of his lies).

I'm sorry this happened.
He wanted her and it didn't work out, and now he's angry.
I wouldn't want the OW's sloppy seconds in my house. 🤢

He will be SHITTING HIMSELF at the prospect of being EXPOSED TO EVERYONE as a lying cheating adulterous TWAT. 💩

LTB and expose all.

ETA: hope you're okay OP 🫂
@Lighthouse35

Stifledlife · Yesterday 07:41

If you stay, you will be looking over your shoulder for the rest of your life. You will assume he is cheating multiple times but you will look the other way, and all the time it will chip away at you. Eventually, when you are a husk, he will leave you for someone else citing "you aren't the woman he married" and it will be all your fault.
I can understand the need to keep the family together, but you will be the one who is paying.