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Advice for dating man suffering from schizophrenia

134 replies

Cosmicprancer · Today 09:54

Good morning,

I’m really just looking for some practical advice on dating someone who suffers from schizophrenia. It’s early days and I don’t want to rush things. If anyone can recommend specific groups or resources I’d much appreciate it.
Thank you

OP posts:
HeyThereDelila · Today 12:55

Just don’t.

BlackRowan · Today 13:04

Just don’t.

ThisMauveTurtle · Today 13:05

Why would you date somebody with any mental health issues.
Is there nobody else on the planet to date

PinkPerpetue · Today 13:12

Years ago I was pursued by a man with schizophrenia. As lovely as he seemed, I knew I would never completely trust him or feel 100% safe.

Urgentbiscuitrequired · Today 13:18

ThreeNewWords · Today 11:19

I do agree with everyone who says it can be utterly difficult and grim being close to someone with schizophrenia. But what I don't get is all the negativity around simply dating him.
Do you all really think that someone with schizophrenia should be assumed to be a total write-off? That you shouldn't embark on any level of involvement with them? That there would be no day-to-day pleasures in dating them and/or that there would be zero chance that they had characteristics that might turn out to be so positive that it would be worth becoming more deeply involved despite the downsides?

One in a hundred people have schizophrenia. I'm pretty sure that quite a chunk of them do have successful relationships.

I know of someone who is married and another who was in a long term relationship and seemed much more together than some people.

OP the relationships boards are frequented by lots of people projecting their own bad relationship experiences, just be mindful of that. I don't think it is the right place to ask. Maybe carer forums would be better.

You do need to know that the future isn't always going to be plain sailing though. Work is extremely difficult for those with Schizophrenia and there are relapses (sometimes even on meds) and each one isn't the same. I have seen some people completely change and not be able to do much for themselves at all. You have to be in the relationship for the right reasons and be willing to support the person through hard times, even if they are suspicious of you and not necessarily pleasant and thankful towards you whilst they are ill. You really do need to love this person unconditionally during this time. They may also be extremely vulnerable, but not necessarily take good advice.

I'm a carer to my child with severe learning disabilities. Your world does get small with severe disability. You will be this person's carer when they need you to take on that role. It is a very big job. Having said that, people can manage to do what the average person does if the medication works well.

I would gauge how they manage their illness and how responsible they feel for their own well being and managing it. They would be forthright in telling you what the early warning signs were in getting unwell. The people I saw who seemed to manage their illness the best had a good support network and appreciated what the medication did for them and didn't feel hard done by about what it took from them. They had accepted their illness and took responsibility for managing it.

Also I have seen schizophrenia passed down generations (although sometimes it is bipolar or other MH issues, not schizophrenia), so if you want kids then that is something to consider.

Hoppinggreen · Today 13:20

Why would you choose this?

Periperi2025 · Today 13:39

AngelinaFibres · Today 12:42

Oh for goodness sake is the dating pool so shallow that this is your only option .

That's harsh, she met him 'organically' and they like each other, and are communicating well, and she is researching and weighing up her options (something we could all learn from early in relationships).

Personally I think i would be out, but I am a single mum with a young child, and my DD safety is paramount. But OP may have different circumstances - who knows maybe she has a taboo health condition that would make dating awkward too.

Broadbean27 · Today 13:41

I appreciate this is a sensitive topic but I would concur with the majority here and advise approaching this relationship with extreme caution.

My partner of nearly 20 years was diagnosed with epilepsy around 10 years ago. A couple of years later he started to have episodes of post ictal psychosis which I'm told is very similar to schizophrenia, particularly in the way it manifests in paranoid delusions and breaks from reality.

He hears voices, sees things and becomes convinced things/people are trying to kill him or me. The episodes when they happen are so frightening. There is very little practical/medical help either in my experience unless/until things get really bad which someday will be too late. On more than one occasion I have genuinely thought I might not make it through the night alive.

We are a long established unit and I have remained with him as apart from the psychosis he is a man I love very much. But the illness is scary and there is always the nagging uncertainty/fear of when it's next going to happen. He is usually diligent about taking the medication but so many factors can influence how effective it is. On top of that his mood can occasionally affect his willingness to take it.

If I had known then what I know now would I have embarked on a relationship with him? - sadly probably not.

Periperi2025 · Today 13:43

ThisMauveTurtle · Today 13:05

Why would you date somebody with any mental health issues.
Is there nobody else on the planet to date

1 in 5 adults experience symptoms of a mental health condition in any given week, and there are two people in a relationship (most of the time), so it starts to narrow down rapidly if you exclude all mental health issues.

Is well controlled schizophrenia in a medicine compliant patient worse than someone with anxiety & dperession who won't engage with help?

I'm not a mental health professional, so wouldn't know the answer to that, but I'm guessing it would start with "it's complicated"!

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