Advice for dating man suffering from schizophrenia

[Cosmicprancer]

Good morning,

I’m really just looking for some practical advice on dating someone who suffers from schizophrenia. It’s early days and I don’t want to rush things. If anyone can recommend specific groups or resources I’d much appreciate it.
Thank you

You say it's early days so you're not in love with him, have no responsibility to him, have no history together and have no commitments together.

Even for those who do share those things with a schizophrenic partner, it is very difficult so why do you want to embark on this path?

Disgusting comment. Shame on you.

Possibly because they’re focused on the person rather than the illness? Disability doesn’t define you.

I don't have any advice but I just wanted to wish you both well. Individuals with well managed schizophrenia can and should live rounded, meaningful and love-filled lives, and the fact that you are even contemplating it says so much about you as an individual.

But men prepared to go out with you and talk and invite you to theirs aren’t exactly thin on the ground, OP. Why this one? Quite apart from the silence and the MH problems, he’s a colleague.

Be extremely careful not to get pregnant. There are clear genetic links.

In the real world that was still a disgusting comment.

I wouldn’t even do this, sorry. I wouldn’t entertain it for a second.

I wouldn't feel safe. You said it's early days. Just move on before feelings get involved. Choosing this life for yourself seems like a really silly thing to do. Why do that to yourself?

Speaking as someone who ended up watching a parent marry and have children with someone with schizophrenia, don't, just don't.

Because he is an engaging person who seems worth getting to know?

He will be fine while on meds but as soon as he stops it wont be so nice anymore.

Don't do it. My friend has done this. Anytime he was off his meds he was very variable in his behaviours. Unreliable. Hospitalised. Probably not actively dangerous, but how do you judge that?

Why would you complicate your life that way?

I do agree, but schizophrenia is nothing like your usual mental health problems is it? It can in some cases make someone unpredictable, possibly dangerous, difficult to live with etc.

If you’re not already involved with someone with this condition, it’s not worth it (for your own sake) jumping in head first.

And yes, I too know someone with this condition. He’s not someone I would be on my own with.

Life is hard enough.

But he’s not at all engaging. The OP’s previous thread about this man was about how monosyllabic he was.

I know people irl too. It's not a "just because". It's a dangerous illness. It's not a "range", it can go very bad very quickly for someone who was looking and acting normal for decades. Of course one shouldn't be disrespectful but also one shouldn't minimise it out of respect.
Don't op.

Oh and it gets worse by age BTW

@Cosmicprancer

Couple of resources for you.

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/schizophrenia/

https://livingwithschizophreniauk.org

If the relationship develops and you want to look for more support/information in your local area: https://hubofhope.co.uk can do a search for local organisations and groups.

stress kills. Find someone who isn’t going to make your life harder.

There's clearly something about him that interests her. She met him through work and so has presumably had ample time to see how he behaves and interacts with other people, and something about that gives her good vibes.

Someone being quiet doesn't make them unengaging. Their monosyllabic date could well just be a combination of normal first date nerves, and his nerves around his mental health condition.

I doubt the OP would be asking this question if she didn't fancy this guy and enjoy hanging out with him. So yes, she needs to be super eyes wide open and have STRONG boundaries around the way he manages his lifestyle and medication to control the condition, but she's up for exploring the possibility of a relationship with him.

It is entirely valid for other people to say, I just wouldn't even go there.

But she's clearly up for exploring it. Fair play - especially as she's exploring it with eyes open to what it might mean.

I think the posters talking about having children are making valid points. That is the one thing that should deffo put the brakes on.

Don't. You've said he's shy, extremely reserved, doesn't like to talk about himself, is very difficult to get to know, and then on top of that, he has schizophrenia.
It sounds like a recipe for stress, instability, and unhappiness.

Does the chemistry between you make you literally weak at the knees, or do you often find yourself wanting to 'rescue' people who have issues? Because I can't think of any other reason you'd actively pursue someone who seems like such a high-risk/low-reward choice.

This is also interesting. It makes the point than around 85% of people with schizophrenia are not violent and those that are usually have contributing factors, so definitely worth exploring if your potential boyfriend has issues around substance misuse etc in addition to his mental health issues.

https://www.healthline.com/health/schizophrenia/are-schizophrenics-violent

I think you need to know how his illness affects him eg does it cause bad behavioural symptoms and for him to be honest. Have his delusions caused him to be violent, arrested, criminal record. What are his delusions??

Antipsychotics also have side effects too like weight gain, lethargy and he'll probably be on those lifelong fyi

Yeah but a person who hardly manages to even speak to her on a date.

That's hard work on it's own even without a chronic, severe mental health condition thrown in.

Being monosyllabic isn’t engaging. That’s all I said.