Advice for dating man suffering from schizophrenia

[Cosmicprancer]

Good morning,

I’m really just looking for some practical advice on dating someone who suffers from schizophrenia. It’s early days and I don’t want to rush things. If anyone can recommend specific groups or resources I’d much appreciate it.
Thank you

I agree. I was in a relationship with a man with schizophrenia for decades. He could be fine for a long long time, then would decide he 'didn't need' his meds (they don't make you feel great) and then all hell would break loose, for both him and those who loved him. (sectioned 11 times in 50 years) MH teams can be good or can be lacking, even if he seeks/accepts advice & support in bad times.

He needs to be willing talk with total transparency (even then you're only getting his understanding of his illness which will not be complete when he's ill) If he isn't then I'd go no further. If he is then proceed with caution. My person was a LOVELY man. But his illness was not lovely at all. (he has passed now).
(remember that a common issue with the illness is not being med compliant)

Don't date him, unless you want a hard life

It can be enormously difficult being an informal carer. That's not 'stigma' it's just the way it is. As an informal carer you spend a great deal more time with the person living with the problem than health professionals do, and mental health facilities for people in crisis can be difficult to come by. Crises have a habit, in my experience, of occuring in the middle of the night over bank holidays when help can be especially difficult to summon. Whilst many professionals and those living with the problem place faith in medication, it doesn't always 'work' and may itself bring with it a significant side effect profile, which, as an informal carer, one may be involved in managing too.

On the positive side, it's also the case that some people experience significant improvement and can resume social roles and relationships. There's been a good deal of interest in recovery-based approaches in the UK. There's a sketch of some of this here: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0165178123000859

But even so, it's hard work, as I can attest from experience!

You're making excuses for him. I am curious why you would be so interested in someoene who doesn't communicate with you. Does it make you feel special to have someone in your life with such a dramatic sounding condition?

Early days you say?

Run a mile would be my advice.

But everyone has free will to date or not date anyone they wish

that's a difficult task to manage and it will be a task

Schizophrenia is not generally something that clears up with treatment like clinical anxiety or depression

and after onset...

its typically life-long management of symptoms via anti-psychotics as the first line of treatment, along with some form of therapy modality - can't comment on which therapy exactly, not my area... which is better than "consulting" Google AI overview and posting hallucinated LLM nonsense as faux expertise

It's going to take a serious amount of compartmentalisation - separating him, the person you are attracted to, from this serious condition, while being able to recognise when both are at play - his condition and your reactions to it

PP have mentioned med compliance being an issue. This is so true, with all types of serious mental illness. I cannot tell you how many times my exH randomly came off his meds, and the consequences for me were severe. I am convinced he was off them when he walked out on me and disappeared for a few weeks, although he will never admit that, Looking back, he was acting funny in the two weeks leading up to it. He would literally just stop taking his meds, without any discussion with me, without any warning, and without telling me or admitting that he'd done it, even though it was very obvious. He even did it while I was caregiving for my dad who was terminally ill. We were separated, but he kept sending me nasty messages, for months, which was the last thing I needed.

At that time, I just emailed his family and said he was off his meds and they needed to get help for him. And I continued doing that every time he too his illness out on me. I cannot describe the sheer bliss of simply handing the problem over to others.

OP, please, please forget about this man. You have NO idea what you're taking on. My entire life is scarred and ruined by my exH's mental health issues. Love yourself more and just don't.

This is incredibly naïve.

You do realise if he becomes non compliant they're not going to pin him down and jab him?

Run

It’s such early days. He’s told me how he gets his medication and said that I can come along if I want. I think that’s more than enough for so early into getting to know each other, no?

Incredibly hard to deal with imo and may lead to heartbreak or worse for you, and of course him. Not his fault he is ill of course but there's too many variables and uncertainties to this illness. Family friend came off the meds because he felt ok and he killed himself, absolutely heartbreaking illness.

No, because he won't have a conversation with you telling you exactly how his chronic mental illness affects him and the people around him.

Do you know anything about his family and close friends, or has he not opened up about them either?

What benefit would watching a nurse jab him with a needle bring?

Please don’t go over to his house. Meet in public places if you want to talk with him and take the relationship further. But don’t invite him to yours or go to his until and unless there is much more communication from him and you understand where he is with his condition.

No, because he won't have a conversation with you telling you exactly how his chronic mental illness affects him and the people around him.

This is the conversation you need to have before even considering anything with him. Look after yourself. It's important.

All new relationships can be tricky because it takes a while to understand how the other person thinks and feels, and how they express those thoughts and feelings. Schizophrenia complicates this beyond measure, because that person has a lifetime of disguising thoughts and feelings they recognise as unusual. Also, their entire worldview and capacity to deal with things rationally depends a great deal on compliance with medication.

It broke my heart to be with someone who turned out to be schizophrenic. Things got very dark indeed before I focused on self-preservation. The true content of someone else's mind is always unknowable to some degree, but in this case it was unimaginable.

If only it were as simple as "Oh, but he'll be fine with me because I care about him."

OP, my mother was schizophrenic. I would really caution against voluntarily choosing to live with a sufferer.