Advice for dating man suffering from schizophrenia

[Cosmicprancer]

Good morning,

I’m really just looking for some practical advice on dating someone who suffers from schizophrenia. It’s early days and I don’t want to rush things. If anyone can recommend specific groups or resources I’d much appreciate it.
Thank you

If you decide to have a relationship with someone with any major mental health / illness, life will be much harder for them and ultimately for you.

There is a big genetic component to these kind of illnesses and this is something to consider when you think about starting a family.

The same way no two people are the same no two schizophrenic sufferers are the same and violence is not terribly common, but there will still be lots of issues.

I have seen up close what this disease can do to families. I would love nothing more than my loved one to meet someone and start a life but I can’t imagine who could deal with them on an ongoing basis.

If I was giving advice to my daughter, I would say walk away and it makes me very sad to say that

Don't.

Are you a rescuer Op?

It will be a lot to take on

You can be supportive of the op and discuss these concerns without being disrespectful towards the man with schizophrenia. Are you not able to comprehend this?

OP, you’ve posted about this man previously and how he avoids people and social situations because his schizophrenia makes him feel like he doesn’t fit in. That might work for him, but I suspect it’s quickly going to lead to you being equally isolated because of it, which is a particularly dangerous position to be in when this is going to be a relationship where you’ll need the support of others more rather than less.

It’s a shame for him that he has a mental illness he didn’t choose to have, but you aren’t going to realise until too late how damaging it can be to those around him.

You have no idea whether that is the manner in which she would approach it. And she isn't asking about whether to marry the guy, or have children with him. She is asking about dating. It is entirely possible to have a great time dating someone who has currently well-controlled schizophrenia.
During that time, if that is what they both want, she can work out whther the person as a whole has any real and lasting draw for her. And at that point she will begin to have the sorts of deeper dilemmas that you mention. At THAT point, she will be able to decide on the basis of the person as a whole, taking his ilnness into account alongside everything else in his life, which may include wonderful positives. But she's not there yet. She is just wondering about dating thhe guy

Im not being disrespectful to anyone. I'm talking about the instinct to take on an enormous caring role - complete with seeking out support groups - fresh into a relationship. There is no great history, or love in any real sense in a new relationship, or obligation here. Just a desire to swoop on in and take this on for, well what? Why would you do that?

She isn't looking for have a fab fling advice here is she? She is looking at this specifically through a support lens.

Not all of us with severe mental health issues create misery thanks. Some of us create joy and our lack of conformity and idiosyncracies can actually make us far better company than more dull, judgemental people.

He is on medication and has a stable job (we met through work). He seems perfectly alright but seems embarrassed to talk about it in detail (which I understand).
Im just trying to understand the condition better without peppering him questions.

I hope your brother is doing alright.

I’m just asking because I want to understand it better, not because he is being difficult

Please love yourself more and walk on by.

I have given two decades to my exH's mental illness. And counting, post-divorce. Because it doesn't end. A funny, quiet, gentle man... until he wasn't. Even when controlled with medication, there is always the worry that things will turn. And the hereditary aspect is something I will mourn for the rest of my life.

Well, do what you want, op. I was raised by a parent who wasn't full of idiosyncratic joy and it is a trial endured because of love and obligation, I wouldn't adopt it.

You’ve posted about this guy before — he’s the monosyllabic one who is reluctant to tell you anything about himself. What’s the attraction? Extremely shy and has a serious MH condition?

You really imagine she is considering dating this guy so that she can be a kind of saviour? If THAT was the case, I think we would have to consider his vulnerability in the relationship!
I think the reference to support groups and resources is just about gathering info for herself, so that she better-knows how to navigate things. She isn't trying to work out sources of support for him! That would be v weird when you are just thinking about starting to date.

This.
I have an extended family member with schizophrenia. I also had a friend who grew up with a Dad with schizophrenia and it totally messed up her childhood and her mental health wasn’t great.
Another friend had a partner with schizophrenia and it was a total nightmare at times, he would stop taking his medication , and could be aggressive and frightening.
I absolutely would not date someone with this, however unfair this sounds. It’s far too risky.

If you’re seriously considering this (and I agree with others, I wouldn’t) then him not wanting to talk about it isn’t acceptable: you need his honesty and to really understand what his condition looks like for him. Is he medicated, has he ever stopped taking his medication because he “felt better”, when was his last episode of psychosis, does he have co-morbid mood disorders (common in people with schizophrenia), is he under a mental health team? He has to give you that transparency and confidence, and if he can’t or won’t then that’s a real red flag.

Please don't try to talk yourself into thinking this will be a good idea.

So many posters are warning you to walk away. Please listen.

Working out sources of support for him is a caring role. Looking for sources of support for her, is a caring role.

I absolutely do think it is wise to be cynical about motivations at play here. And I would say as much to him, but we aren't talking to him, are we?

Just don't.

My brother has schizophrenia and hasn't dated for 30 years because he just won't put a woman (or himself) through it.

In fact he won't even flat share due to it.

It's not an illness that lends itself well to relationships and this man should understand that.

Thank you, that is exactly why i was looking for the information.

He is talking more now and has opened up a bit, and also invited me over.
And he is on regular medication.

No just no! Life is difficult enough without taking on extra burdens.

Always ask yourself what does the person bring to your life.

Run

Between the last thread and this one, it does seem as though you want to take on a project.

Don't, men aren't this scarce on the ground.

And this one doesn't appear to be taking his mental health condition seriously enough to have an open conversation with you about it.