TW DW Is this a genuine apology from a husband to his wife, or is he mainly talking about himself?

[Quitebulesky27]

Two days ago, my husband physically hurt my jaw during an argument. I already suffer from chronic TMJ problems. He pushed me onto the floor and forcefully pressed my lower jaw backward with both hands. I heard a cracking sound, experienced severe pain, and struggled to move my jaw normally for hours.
While I was crying and struggling to speak because of the pain, he repeatedly shouted that I was faking.
Our daughter became frightened and tried to pull me away to safety. Because moving was hurting my jaw, I eventually managed to shout, “STOP!”
The moment I managed to speak, my husband started laughing, jumping up and down, and shouting, “See! You’re faking! Look, she’s faking!” He even called our daughter’s attention to it.
We didn’t speak afterward. The following day, he sent me this message.
This is his exact message:
“I was wrong about that. Even though it was an accident it doesn’t matter now I wish that didn’t happened to you. I didn’t mean to hurt you at all, and I feel terrible that I did.
I wish that the words could change anything now. I am speach less.
And now just send this message and thinking if I said something wrong
Because the inside of me is Utterly drained of strength, deeply consumed by despair, and with low morale.
I swear to God I never want to be the source of your pain.”
I would genuinely appreciate independent, honest opinions.
When you read his message, do you see a sincere apology?
Does it demonstrate empathy and accountability toward his wife, or does it seem primarily focused on his own feelings?
What do you think about the fact that he doesn’t mention mocking me or accusing me of faking in front of our daughter?
I’m not looking for people to automatically agree with me. I want honest opinions about what this message communicates and what it leaves out.

It doesn’t matter what his message means or doesn’t mean. It doesn’t matter if your daughter is 19 or 9 or 9 months.

If he hasn’t first taken you to A&E to get your jaw checked and then handed himself into police for being an abusive piece of shit before sending that message, then his words are meaningless. You could analyse them for years but it wouldn’t change the fact that he is a violent monster. Please get yourself and your daughter away from him.

He will do it again but it will be worse next time if you accept this non-apology. It is not genuine, a genuine apology would include the actions he actually intends to take because he knows it is wrong. This is a way to get you to take responsibility for him abusing you.
Please leave this man, as all the other posters have said, he is dangerous and he will hurt you again.

Also I have read the message he sent you twice and don’t understand how you are calling it an apology? He doesn’t apologise? Not that it matters obviously but yeah, nowhere close to an apology.

I’m so sorry this happened to you and I hope you are feeling better. ❤️ Go to the doctor/ A&E asap as he could have caused some serious damage to you.
Get Out Now!

That is no apology. He’s not taken responsibility or apologised at all! It’s almost like someone else or something else caused your injury. Plus he has only used the ‘I’ word when saying how HE feels.

Plus to pick on your jaw that he knows is already weakened and injured shows that he wanted to hurt you badly. He is spiteful dangerous and abusive.

He hasn’t mentioned or apologised for all the vile words he said to you either.
He needs to apologise to your daughter too.

His words prove that he hasn’t taken responsibility or apologised to you.

Kick him out or leave him, and get help and support. Personally I would go to the police.
If he did that to a stranger he’d get arrested.
wishing you peace ❤️

No, his words are manipulative.

He physically assaulted you on purpose ur his text message claims it was ‘an accident’ and he’s trying to get you to feel sorry for him.

It’s all bullshit. You need to get away from this abusive, dangerous man as quickly and safely as possible. When he realises you are leaving he’ll probably escalate his abuse so speak to Womens Aid about how to stay safe while leaving.

Your poor daughter will remember this for the rest of her life. You say she's 19 as if that makes it okay.
His message is irrelevant. You need to choose your daughter's happiness now and leave him. I know it's hard, because somehow, men like him make women feel like this is what they're worth. But this isn't love, is it?

You are asking an impossible question OP because no message can be objectively remorseful

You can experience a message as remorseful, but in my humble opinion, remorse is shown through changed behaviour and sustained change

Any message is irrelevant if your partner is hurting you

WTF have I just read? This man potentially was trying to kill you or at least could well have done had he broken your neck. He physically attacked you. No apology would make up for that. Your post OP reminds me of details I read from a court case - it was either a murder or attempted murder case. Get support, report him to the police and get away from him. Your daughter is a witness to his violence.

Seriously, the only thing you are concerned about after your husband violently assaulted you is whether he’s sufficiently apologetic. Is it okay if he kills you one day as long as he’s sorry afterwards? Of course it bloody isn’t. Get away from this appallingly abusive man while you still can.

The message does not matter one bit.
The one and only thing you need to be concentrating on is the act itself.
please seek help immediately.

No. It is a 'performance apology'. There was no accident here. He did not accidentally push your lower jaw backwards & hold it there. He is creating his own narrative in writing to protect himself.

IMO this was definitely not an apology, certainly not one that I would be accepting. Your husband does not seem to be taking responsibility for his actions, I mean who behaves like this towards their wife or husband. This sounds like a deliberate act of violence towards you in which he wanted to cause you harm/pain.I would expect this behaviour from young men towards each other on a drunken night out not a married couple. Think you should be pointing your husband towards counselling for his anger and violence issues, he needs to understand that what he has done is unacceptable. Have you had your jaw checked by a medical professional.Good luck

She should be pointing him towards the door. In handcuffs.

That's no fucking apology. It's all about him and making excuses for his behaviour. If there's a next time you won't be around for the apology.

He's not sorry, well he's sorry that he might get into trouble if you report it to the police.
Go to a&e and get it looked at and tell them what happened. Get your daughter to go with you. And then report it to the police. He's assaulted you. He's not to be trusted. He sounds dangerous. You need to get away from him.

He’s a manipulative, gas lighting abuser. I sense from your posts that you’ve put up with this behaviour for a long long time, and I don’t think you’re ready to accept that you need to leave him. Or if you ever will be. It’s likely your 19 year old dd has also witnessed and been traumatised by the toxic environment during her lifetime. You’re normalising his behaviour and are just focused on whether his message is genuine. We could tell you that you should leave him and the obvious reasons why, but I don’t think you’d act on the advice.

Are you seriously asking a random bunch of butchers, bakers and candlestick makers on a random Internet forum what the intent and background psychology of a single message is (A message that looks to be written in a second languge)??
Why don't you focus on what actually happened?

If he was genuinely remorseful and had empathy his message would read:

From the bottom of my soul I apologise for attacking you. I'm a piece of absolute shit and a wife beating monster. I desperately need help to address my anger and violence. It's not up to you to get me that help though - I must do this alone. I'll be moving out immediately and you should change the locks. I also want you to get a non molestation order against me to keep you safe. I'm going to hand myself into the police and you must press charges against me. All our worldly goods are yours. Take care of yourself and make a safe life without me.

Though to be fair, if he was capable of genuine empathy or remorse, he'd never have done this to you in the first place.

IMO, OP, you are asking the wrong question.

But, no, this is not a genuine or remorseful apology. It's a self-indulgent and gaslighting screed about the 'accident', partly written in the passive voice - this physical abuse did not 'happen' to you, it was inflicted on you deliberately by your husband. Your husband is covering his ***. It's irrelevant anyway whether this 'apology' was genuine or remorseful because:

His behaviour was domestic abuse, witnessed by your adult daughter. Appalling. Notably, the presence of your daughter did not deter him from inflicting abuse on you and mocking you. This shows a degree of confidence in getying away with his violent behaviour. The 'after apology' is classic abuser behaviour in intimate violence.

Please check for any injuries to your jaw at your doctor or hospital.
It's not what you asked about but IMO there are two questions you might consider asking yourself: police report/ leaving... and with a degree of urgency.

I don’t want to engage about the message because it’s not relevant here and I think you’re focusing on the wrong thing. It’s well known that many abusers feel and express remorse after incidents. But that means nothing and they always do it again.

Not in the slightest. It's almost mocking. He's apologising to humour you, not because he's sorry. And it wasn't an accident.

You need to get out. This man is violent, he has no empathy and if you stay, he WILL kill you.

You also need an X Ray as your jaw may be fractured.

It’s not a genuine apology and nothing would excuse a physical transgression like this. It wasn’t an accident!!

Get your daughter and yourself away from this man and to safety. How old is your child? You have a duty to ensure she doesn’t witness violence like this and that you are in a safe place where you can get treatment for your injury. You may have fractured your jaw and need to get it checked out. Tell the hospital staff what’s gone on so you can get the ball rolling to remove this man from your home.

If you let this slide and try to hide it I can guarantee he’ll do it again and you might not survive.

Wake up. He hurt you. Deliberately. He knows this. The text was him attempting to cover his tracks. Of course it is not sincere. What do you think would happen if you responded saying it was not an accident and he hurt you..?

Get your jaw checked out at the hospital asap. Do not cover for him. Teach your daughter well.

Do his words show genuine remorse and empathy, or do they focus on his feelings?

His words are a cynical attempt to gaslight you into thinking he has remorse and feelings for you. But more importantly @Quitebulesky27 they are a cover for if/when the doctors see your jaw and report for suspected domestic violence - he has a cover.
Everything else will be his word against yours but he has written proof that he didn't mean to hurt you and in his view it was an accident.
It's his alibi. He doesn't really care so even in his cover message he isn't able to show that he actually cares. He can't even fake it.

If it was an accident and if he cared he would have been taking you to a&e getting an x-ray not drafting cover messages.

The rest, pp have said and you have your fingers in your ears so I won't add anything. You already know what you need to do. You just don't want to acknowledge it.

Because the inside of me is Utterly drained of strength, deeply consumed by despair, and with low morale.
No not an apology in the slightest. This his excuse for abusing you. It's all about him.

OP you shouldn't be looking for an apology in what he says or writes, you need to protect yourself and your daughter. Please reach out to one of the domestic violence charities to make a plan to leave safely. Don't tell him your plan. Women are at the highest risk of serious harm and being killed when leaving a relationship.

What would you say to your daughter if her partner did this to her.

So he could have killed you but you are wanting to decipher his message. OP get real!!
To answer the question NO it doesn't, he just wants to relieve guilt, make sure you stay quiet etc in truth its bollox.
So you carry on looking at his excuses and burying your head, he's a danger to you and your daughter!