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TW DW Is this a genuine apology from a husband to his wife, or is he mainly talking about himself?

346 replies

Quitebulesky27 · 01/11/2026 05:05

Two days ago, my husband physically hurt my jaw during an argument. I already suffer from chronic TMJ problems. He pushed me onto the floor and forcefully pressed my lower jaw backward with both hands. I heard a cracking sound, experienced severe pain, and struggled to move my jaw normally for hours.
While I was crying and struggling to speak because of the pain, he repeatedly shouted that I was faking.
Our daughter became frightened and tried to pull me away to safety. Because moving was hurting my jaw, I eventually managed to shout, “STOP!”
The moment I managed to speak, my husband started laughing, jumping up and down, and shouting, “See! You’re faking! Look, she’s faking!” He even called our daughter’s attention to it.
We didn’t speak afterward. The following day, he sent me this message.
This is his exact message:
“I was wrong about that. Even though it was an accident it doesn’t matter now I wish that didn’t happened to you. I didn’t mean to hurt you at all, and I feel terrible that I did.
I wish that the words could change anything now. I am speach less.
And now just send this message and thinking if I said something wrong
Because the inside of me is Utterly drained of strength, deeply consumed by despair, and with low morale.
I swear to God I never want to be the source of your pain.”
I would genuinely appreciate independent, honest opinions.
When you read his message, do you see a sincere apology?
Does it demonstrate empathy and accountability toward his wife, or does it seem primarily focused on his own feelings?
What do you think about the fact that he doesn’t mention mocking me or accusing me of faking in front of our daughter?
I’m not looking for people to automatically agree with me. I want honest opinions about what this message communicates and what it leaves out.

OP posts:
LondonLass2026 · 01/11/2026 08:36

He tried to snap your jaw with his bare hands.

He could write to you to say he's bought you Buckingham Palace and I would hope you'd still tell him to fuck off and to never even look at you again.

YouCantBeSadHoldingACupcake · 01/11/2026 08:37

Given he is calling a deliberate act an accident, there is no real accountability so no in my opinion the apology is not genuine. If he had said he was wrong, he is going to get counselling and sort himself out, then maybe I could see it being genuine. I’d still ltb though.

RunningJo · 01/11/2026 08:38

That’s not an apology, his wording is not from someone who is sorry, remorseful or taking any accountability of what he did to you,
it wasn’t an accident. He chose to behave this way.

He is abusing you, OP and he sounds unhinged.

Seagulldancing · 01/11/2026 08:38

Leave. And ideally leave and call the police. You even have an adult witness to domestic violence.
You should probably also seek medical help and get your jaw xrayed.

If he broke your jaw in front of your daughter, is any apology ever enough?

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 01/11/2026 08:38

It doesn't matter if it's a genuine apology. You need to leave. It will happen again.

NovaF · 01/11/2026 08:39

The message is insincere. Firstly, there can be no apology big enough for pushing someone to the ground and then dislocating their jaw.

He claims pushing you then putting his hands on your face was accidental. Everything about this message is gaslighting. He has focussed on the most violent bits, the dislocating your jaw, and not the mockery, not the doing this in front of your daughter, not any of it. He is a bad man and to be frank you are letting this happen.

you are fixated on whether his apology was sincere enough (presumably so you can stay with him for more of the same). The way you explain tour daughter is 19 like that somehow makes that ok is so wrong.

would you be ok with a man treating your daughter like this? Because every time she has to witness this you are teaching her this is normal and what she should expect.

the most sickening bit was when you managed to say stop and he jumped up and down all happy. He sees nothing wrong with pushing you, putting his hands on you, being violent to you, belittling you, and doing this in front of your adult daughter. I feel so sorry for you that you do not get the severity of this and for your daughter who is being set up for a lifetime of pain

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 01/11/2026 08:40

Also go to the walk in and get an X ray. Tell them truthfully what happened.

Katkins17 · 01/11/2026 08:40

So read your message as if your daughter had sent it to you….take yourself out of the equation.

if this had happened to your daughter, what would you be telling her???

it doesn’t matter a flying fuck whether he’s showing empathy or whether it’s a genuine apology…because as sure as the stars will come out at night, if he’s been violent once…he’ll do it again.

no amount of empathetic apology changes that fact.

longtompot · 01/11/2026 08:40

@Quitebulesky27 I don't see a sincere apology reading his message. I see a person covering his own back. What he did to you wasn't an accident. An accident is something someone didn't mean to happen and what he was doing to you sounds very much like he did mean to happen, a deliberate act of violence.

Enko · 01/11/2026 08:40

No it is not an apology. An apology doesn't shift away blame and this is what is happening when he says "even though it was an accident" it diminishes his responsibility as he "could not help it as it was an accident aka he is not to blame"

An apology would be. I was wrong I am so sorry that happened to you please forgive me.

WildflowerMeadow · 01/11/2026 08:41

It's one of the least sincere messages I've ever read. There is zero accountability - he's trying to pretend it's an accident. It's about as far from genuine as it's possible to be. I think the only point of it is to cover his back in case you try to press charges as he knows this is a full on assault.

Girlwithavibe · 01/11/2026 08:41

I hope I realise that your daughter being exposed to your DH behaviour may well end her up in the exact same situation you find yourself in because your DH is abusive and you are allowing it she will then think it's normal .
He isn't apologising he is telling how he feels he have assaulted you and you want to know if his apology is for you ???
Get some help and get you and your daughter out of this and stay safe

crumpet · 01/11/2026 08:43

Quitebulesky27 · 01/11/2026 05:27

Just to clarify something in my original post, my daughter is 19 years old. I wanted to mention her age so there isn’t any misunderstanding. I’m particularly interested in everyone’s honest opinions about my husband’s message, including whether it demonstrates genuine remorse, empathy, and accountability.

No. It doesn’t. He might be feeling a bit sorry, and has surprised himself by how far he actually went, but isn’t feeling empathy or real remorse.

there’s also nothing in his email to suggest that this is the first time he has been really angry in your relationship.

This man is violent. He is abusive. He does not value you. Do you really want this for the rest of your life? Can you respect a man who would do this (even if he only does it once)?

what are your options?

Headflip · 01/11/2026 08:43

Quitebulesky27 · 01/11/2026 05:27

Just to clarify something in my original post, my daughter is 19 years old. I wanted to mention her age so there isn’t any misunderstanding. I’m particularly interested in everyone’s honest opinions about my husband’s message, including whether it demonstrates genuine remorse, empathy, and accountability.

Show her this is never something you should accept from a man and stop the cycle repeating.

No, he's not sorry, he's aiming to protect himself.

Gizlotsmum · 01/11/2026 08:44

Even if it did show genuine remorse ( which for clarity it doesn’t) what he did was unforgivable. You deserve to be treated like an equal and not gas lit into thinking he was not aware of exactly what he was doing. He will hospitalise you and still not see any of it being his fault. Flowery words to not make him a nice person

NewGirlInTown · 01/11/2026 08:44

It doesn’t matter what he says, get the fuck away from him.
He knew you had an existing health issue and deliberately targeted that area to physically harm you with all his strength.
I would be calling the fucking police and reporting this assault.
What an absolute piece of shit, you must be in agony. Please also see your doctor.

ThreadGuardDog · 01/11/2026 08:45

Quitebulesky27 · 01/11/2026 05:22

I appreciate your concern and thank you for responding. I understand why you feel that way. What I’m hoping for is an honest opinion about his message. Do his words show genuine remorse and empathy, or do they focus on his feelings? I’d appreciate your thoughts on what he acknowledges and what he leaves out I wanted to add my daughter is 19

No. This is nothing like genuine remorse and it’s totally lacking in empathy. It could have been written by AI. He’s trying and failing to placate you for the violent act he committed against you. He’s framing it as an accident, which you should be taking as a massive, waving red flag - as is his mocking you afterwards. He’s a violent bully, he knows it and that whole screed was him trying to excuse it - there is no accountability and I don’t see any sorrow, other than for himself, but if there is, it’s only in the moment and until he does it again.

From the way you’re posting I suspect this isn’t the first time he’s laid hands on you and I also suspect that this is an escalation of the violence. I’m at a loss as to why you’re posting on Mumsnet instead of immediately getting yourself and your daughter out of there before he kills you both.

BumpyaDaisyevna · 01/11/2026 08:45

Are you approaching this by thinking “if he is genuinely apologising then it’s ok, but if he’s not genuinely apologising then it’s not ok?”

It’s not really relevant. Many violent offenders are sorry afterwards but they are still locked up because they’re dangerous. He’s crossed a massive line (and I’m sure this is not the first incident) and there is no way back even if he is the most sorry person in the world. You’ll always be frightened of him and so will your Dd.

But to answer your question a genuine remorse and apology would focus on what he has done to you and Dd, and set out the steps he would take to make sure it didn’t happen again. But a violent man will never made that kind of apology because it requires a level of emotional and psychological development he doesn’t have.

You are wishing for something that doesn’t exist.

Thisismetooaswell · 01/11/2026 08:48

No he doesn't show remorse. That was no 'accident'

somanychristmaslights · 01/11/2026 08:49

Quitebulesky27 · 01/11/2026 05:27

Just to clarify something in my original post, my daughter is 19 years old. I wanted to mention her age so there isn’t any misunderstanding. I’m particularly interested in everyone’s honest opinions about my husband’s message, including whether it demonstrates genuine remorse, empathy, and accountability.

No, it doesn’t show that at all. It shows an abuser trying to get you back on side. You need to phone the police. Why are you letting him do this to you? The impact this must be having on your daughter too. She doesn’t want to see her mum get abused. Do you have family or friends you can talk to? He needs to be stopped. Please do something about this.

TheOwlShootAtNight · 01/11/2026 08:49

You are saying your daughter is 19 years old and it sounds like you are saying she is an adult now so it does not matter she saw the abuse. It’s still matters very much . Also I’m pretty sure your partner did not become an abusive POS the minute your daughter turned 18. I bet that poor girl witness a lot of abuse during her childhood because of her horrible father and because of her mother who did not remove her from that environment.

who cares if he was remorseful or not (btw he was not). I am so sick of women who stay in these relationships because “they love him.he is sorry.he said sorry” and expose their children to witnessing abuse.

2chocolateoranges · 01/11/2026 08:51

No it’s not a genuine apology, this would be done to your face not a shitty text message.

if your 19 yr old daughter told you that her boyfriend had done this to her , what advice would you give her.

mine would be to leave and run for the hills before reporting him. He will kill you one day.

Soulhorse · 01/11/2026 08:51

How is it an ‘accident’ to push someone to the floor and then push their jaw back? It is an assault and you need to get your jaw xrayed and the assault reported to the police.

wildnwilde · 01/11/2026 08:51

If your daughter told you this exact story,what would your opinion be ? Your answer is in front of you ♥️

MagicThanks · 01/11/2026 08:52

Don’t worry about the message - get you and your daughter away today and never go back/ allow him back