Friend reported me to Social Services

[RainbowPeppercorns]

I have been a carer to my elderly parents for many years now. They are both in their early nineties and Dad has just been diagnosed with a terminal condition that means he probably doesn't have long.

Until a few weeks back he was in a care home whilst we made adaptations to their home with some assistance from Occupational Therapy.

He is now back home. We are nursing him in bed as he can't really get up.

It has been such a difficult time. Unfortunately there have been some clashes with my mother over his care. She used to be a GP and has always been very vocal and forthright. They also didn't have a particularly easy marriage. There has been verbal conflict and I ended up throwing stuff around and walking out.

All OK now, apologies etc. She still believes she did nothing wrong by shouting and screaming at me over a tiny thing but I understand as we are both suffering anticipatory grief.

I've been confiding in and leaning on a friend of many years. He was a social worker but had a nervous breakdown and left the profession. Unfortunately he has rang Social Services and told them I have been violent towards my parents.

The police have been to take a statement and my Mum is totally horrified and insisting she doesn't want me prosecuted. Adult Protective Services are investigating.

The case worker told me who reported me. Apparently they are legally obligated to do so.

I haven't spoken with friend yet but I feel really let down.

Spidey senses or not, people who say that he is obliged to report it or has s legal obligation to do so are plain wrong. I too have worked in the public sector, Nhs community elderly rehab and care, and have had the training. As I have slready posted, legal obligation ends when employment ends unless you maintain your registration and CPD which is difficult snd expensive once retired.

You’re being a pedant. When posters are saying obliged, they don’t necessarily mean the man will get in trouble legally if he does not. “Obliged” could totally apply to his morals too. You have researched the dictionary definition of obliged?

Your 'friend' is an absolute c*nt.

Would the mum have had some fear? Or would she have seen someone (her daughter) have an almighty strop?

Without the OP telling us her mum was scared it is unfair to think of this as abuse without fact. Am not keen on filling in the gaps with 'what if's'.

I really hope the op gets some support..

It is relentless caring for people with terminal illnesses in their 90s, where it sounds as though she's already done it for some years.

This is often characterised by very little sleep, continual being 'on duty', very little time off, and also having all the issues of caring for parents, which is completely different to professionally caring for someone else (when you can go home at the end of a shift).

It IS relentless. Additionally, in the mix, you have a professional woman who is also extremely elderly, who is worried about her husband and, no doubt, about her own health and her child's ability to cope.

Also, family carers are often characterised as being 'at fault', when it is purely the result of normal family relationships within a pressure cooker-like environment.

I hope OP gets some help and also some urgent respite.

He could have told op that he will be reporting her.

Another one and done thread eh?

Daily Mail, bored troll, who knows.

A safeguarding report does not need evidence, you are reporting that you are concerned.

It's reasonable to be concerned that elderly and vulnerable people might be intimidated by their carer shouting and throwing things, I think.

How about morally obligated?

Very few people are legally obligated to report abuse they witness or hear about, but I've always assumed most people still would report it if they saw a kid or a vulnerable person being hurt.

They are you so focused on legal obligation? Just because you can ignore someone being abused, doesn't mean you should.

Absolutely this. There is something odd going on here