Asking to be exclusive after 2 dates?

[Heyandheytoday]

He seems too good to be true.

Unspeakably handsome. Funny. Intelligent. Has his life together. Warm. Great in bed.

He told me before we met up for the first time that he doesn’t do casual, and he hopes this isn’t that. That’s after speaking for a while before meeting.

I thought this may be a sign of love bombing? He kept saying how he couldn’t believe I was available, how amazing I look, etc etc.

Met up for a walk. Then we had our first date. And then second date (had sex). He has gone away for the week now to Singapore for work and says he’s so happy, and really wants to talk about something properly when he’s back. And says he can’t wait (in an excited way).

Do you think he is going to ask for exclusivity? I mean, I am unofficially giving him that. Not because I feel I must but I just can’t entertain anyone else with him on the mind. He’s lush.

Is it a red flag that/if he wants to move things so quickly?

He seems to genuinely think I am too good to be true. Which is incredibly odd because I think the same about him.

He is like a male version of me, looks aside. He doesn’t just mirror. I’ve mentioned stuff and he’s said he likes the same, and there’s been examples of that happening where he either shows me that thing there and then or shows me on his phone pics of him doing that! So wouldn’t have had time to pretend he likes it etc

If in 20 years they are married, would it still have been casual sex? Or just sex early on in their very serious relationship?

I can't imagine being so hung up on the idea that ive sullied myself by fucking someone that Id overthink this shit.

How do you know it was casual?
Glad you've all judged someone you've never met and decided that he isnt allowed to have any feelings... its perfectly possible to sleep with someone early doors and then not sleep with anyone else 🙄

I think some of these people are from very conservative/religious backgrounds where they don't have sex before marriage.

It is, but it's also perfectly possible - nay, extremely common - to sleep with someone early doors and go pears.

Exactly.
Maybe it WASN'T casual for him??

And?
Doesnt mean either party is out to deceive.
It's just sex ...

Because it was casual?

He's known her for what ? Half a day? Had sex with her and left the country....

That doesn't sound like he isn't into casual sex 🤷

It sounds like he says things to manipulate potentially vulnerable women into having sex with him...

lol. I slept with my DH on the first date, and I'd imagine v v v v v few people here are from such backgrounds and don't have sex before marriage. It's not even about OP not having sex on the second date, she's free to make her choices. Merely urging caution about his level of intensity so soon, which she herself has raised as potential lovebombing. OP's already married the wrong guy and has 2 young DC in her 20s. It's not overthinking to be a tad wary when someone's giving too good to be true vibes so soon. If he's truly a long-term prospect, he won't rush the OP into anything she's not 100 per cent comfortable with.

Same @Doggymummar

you say he split with Someone as she didn’t want a family

you have a ready made family

is your ex /kids dad in the picture

but yes obv want a happy ending for you both

waits till Wednesday

I know. So fine to enjoy it without going so heavy on the 'this isn't casual I can't believe you're available' stuff and just be normal about it then see where it goes. It's the combo that's the flag. But clearly you know it'll all be swell and everyone here is a hardcore virgin until marriage all men are paedos panic merchant.

I think there are 2 broad categories of people.

1, you could call the optimists. If they haven't encountered something that makes them say no, the answer is yes. They tend to be happy go lucky and roll with the punches of life really well. They enjoy the good while it lasts and tend not to stick around if it starts to go bad. They don't see the point. Life is too short for misery and working hard in vain.

The others are pessimists. They won't "risk" anything unless they have a high level of certainty that it will all work out for the long term. Their answer goes between no and I don't know if there is anything unknown. They often feel let down by people because they ask them for long term assurances that people can't always reliably offer.

Did she say she married the wrong.guy?

But if they are married in 20 years, is it still casual? Or just early? Does it really matter?

Yes and a lot of people are okay with that. Not everyone thinks that a relationship that didnt work out is a failure. When you are free of the belief that every man you fuck has taken a piece of your soul, it doesn't seem such a big deal if you do have sex with someone and don't end up marrying them.

The compatibility you need with a life partner is a lot. Out of 1000 people you date, maybe 10 have that actual compatibility for you to actualy enmesh yourselves financially, practically etc. So you should expect most relationships to end before you get to life partner status. And that is ok. It doesn't make you a dirty slut or anything like that.

ha ha, okay, so now you're gonna tell me the guy she divorced was mr right too.

it could well have been 50/50 and just one of those things, but by definition if he was the right guy, they'd still be together. the fact you're picking battles to that extent shows it's pointless to engage any further.

This.
If we all only entered relationships or slept with people we were 100% certain would lead to marriage/long term relationships then the human race would die out.

Just enjoy the ride (Ooh -er)

I think we come from different perspectives. Ive been with my partner for nearly 20 years. We have kids and a lovely life together. In the future, it is possible we will grow apart as we enter a new phase of life. We might split up. That wouldn't make him Mr Wrong. It just means that our rormantic relationship no longer has a path forwards.

People grow and change. If you belieev that everyone who grows apart from you was wrong all along, you are going to have a very miserable existence

You won't know after 2 dates, it might be promising but it really isn't anything yet. The best thing is to just go with how you feel at the time and not thinking too much ahead, you really need to just see how things work out without reading too far ahead. With that said everything has to start somewhere and the two dates could be the first of many, the truth is at this point, you just don't know.

But now I just saw this and have to say - the dirty slut thing is in your head and totally unnecessary. And this post shows how much you're missing the point. It's this guy who's taking the line that a fuck is such a big deal. That's what people are reacting to. Him not the sex. You're being really weird, so I will bail now.

What has your 20 year relationship got to do with OP's situation? Nothing! Bye.

I dont think he is. I think he just said that he isnt into casual sex and he really likes the OP. I dont think I'm being weird. I think you have some archaic ideas about sex.

Dirty slut?? Where the fuck did that come from?

I am explaining that just because you split up with someone after time together, it doesn't make them or the relationship entirely wrong. Not everyone believes that a successful relationship has to last forever.

Oh gosh please please don’t get carried away by his words. Talk is so so easy and cheap. He is a hot handsome stranger and you do sound quite triggered by the lovely feeling attention. It sounds quite manipulative to me that he is hooking you in with these words and promise of wanting to talk when he is back. Go on another date with about man. De-centre the charming stranger from the internet. Become a stringent observer and don’t let what you desperately wish for cloud what you’re actually getting.

This kind of intensity in itself at the start is a bit of a red flag because where do you go from here? How can genuine, calm friendship, natural boredom, routine, real connection, small daily routines and all that other stuff fit in when you’ve gone from 0 to 100.