Asking to be exclusive after 2 dates?

[Heyandheytoday]

He seems too good to be true.

Unspeakably handsome. Funny. Intelligent. Has his life together. Warm. Great in bed.

He told me before we met up for the first time that he doesn’t do casual, and he hopes this isn’t that. That’s after speaking for a while before meeting.

I thought this may be a sign of love bombing? He kept saying how he couldn’t believe I was available, how amazing I look, etc etc.

Met up for a walk. Then we had our first date. And then second date (had sex). He has gone away for the week now to Singapore for work and says he’s so happy, and really wants to talk about something properly when he’s back. And says he can’t wait (in an excited way).

Do you think he is going to ask for exclusivity? I mean, I am unofficially giving him that. Not because I feel I must but I just can’t entertain anyone else with him on the mind. He’s lush.

Is it a red flag that/if he wants to move things so quickly?

He seems to genuinely think I am too good to be true. Which is incredibly odd because I think the same about him.

He is like a male version of me, looks aside. He doesn’t just mirror. I’ve mentioned stuff and he’s said he likes the same, and there’s been examples of that happening where he either shows me that thing there and then or shows me on his phone pics of him doing that! So wouldn’t have had time to pretend he likes it etc

You need to look at this man clearly / without the rose tinted glasses and see how likely it is that a 37 year old man who is;

Unspeakably handsome
Funny
Intelligent
Warm
Great in bed
A successful business owner
Has a very nice house
2 good cars

i.e. the 'holy grail' of men, is so enthralled after 2 dates with you (lovely as I'm sure you are) that he has deleted all dating apps because you have "found each other" and is so "thrilled" to be dating you.

At your age I would have been equally thrilled and excited. At mine (50s) I'm thinking "As if" 😏

I’ve no idea if he’s genuine or not , but not being ‘snapped up’ by 37 sounds like we should be bringing back ‘left on the shelf’ for women. Not being married at 37 doesn’t equal incel, saddo, loser, male or female.

That doesn’t sound very consistent does it. 31 certainly isn’t ‘young’ to get with someone (unless she was the young one, 18 or something). Even if they met at school the drifting was within the relationship not any previous friendship. Sounds like he could be a bullshitter.

Not to derail Op's thread....yes, he has been awful at times, and so have I. We've had a long talk and are both trying to be better. So far, so good. We are not throwing the towel in on an 18 year marriage if we can help it. There is good stuff there. Maybe be both forgive too much, but it works for us. His job is stressful, very very stressful, but retirement is very close.....when he is off work he is perfect.

Also....he has lots of cars, as does his father 😂It's a thing.

This is insane
but ok

Lolz you appear somewhat clueless.

Do you only have one person of shoes? You know for work & running & smart & for beach etc. I assume not. Only have 2 rooms in your house, only need a loo & another room surely?

The car for thrashing round racetracks isn't the one that can tow the trailer or horsebox, or leave at the airport for a few weeks at a time multiple times a year, or be 50 yrs old & drop the top & cruise etc etc.

With a £500k fleet they aren't clapped old crap you know & if you buy & sell right you can make huge sums, I wasn't brave or wealthy enough to do the one my pal just did but £2.3 million profit in a couple of years tax free is pretty decent, I did £140k up on a more modest investment tho.

Has he known you’ve got children since the very beginning? My immediate concern would be that he wants access to your children so is throwing himself at your feet to open up that access. Hopefully not but men like that do exist. I mean, to me you’re exclusive once you meet up with someone and decide you want to see them again, but I would be very wary about rushing into things too quickly when you have children in the picture.

So you meet a man. Have sex with him on the second date despite him telling you he doesn't do casual sex?

That sentence does not make sense. He does do casual sex because no way can he know you, like, really know you, after a few hours together. Same goes for you.

Hope you used protection. At this stage you really don't know him from Adam. He could be a married conman or a perfectly genuine person. The thing is you don't know.

Google limerence, getting attached too quickly, dopamine and oxytocin.

I also really don't like the suspense around telling you something. Either tell me, or don't. That's just weird, sounds like control. Maybe I'm wrong, but he has you hanging on waiting to see what it is. Perhaps it's a genuine fantastic life change for him. But a super, super odd kind of trick to pull after two dates.

I'd LOVE to be wrong here..... he might be a great guy. But I think you need you feet firmly on the ground OP. Everyone is urging caution. Pay attention.

Yup!

No great big deal/discussion!

Exclusivity, for me, is the bare minimum. If I’m dating, I’m dating one person at a time and expect the same.

Relax OP. It’s 2 dates, take your time and you’ll know if he’s worth getting to know more, or not.

If someone told me they really want to talk about something properly and they can't wait, I'd expect something more exciting than asking to be exclusive, not least because to me this is the absolute minimum.

Just keep your wits about you, OP. It's fine to be exclusive etc but remember you don't actually know this chap.

You will have to get it in quick before you are exclusive!

Ted HIMYM vibes

How can we know? The only thing I do know is that you'll get people on here telling you it's all manipulation and he's a player. I don't need to read any of the comments to know this.

Just see how it all goes, OP!

Yes, he knows. He also knows they can’t be introduced for a long while, if it works well.

And we both made comments about liking how we have our own hobbies etc that are not at all related and one that is. The overall agreement is that it means we have separate interests outside each other

I am sorry, I don't understand how someone says that they don't do casual sex and then has sex on a second date? It seems dishonest at best and manipulative at worst.

Bit hard to believe that a 37 year old has sex on the 2nd date while saying they don’t do casual sex. Are we to believe this is the first time ever he has had sex this quickly after meeting someone? 🤔

A lot of people keep saying this but he probably means he won't start a sexual relationship if he already knows the relationship has a casual "ceiling". A lot of people, especially men, will start having sex with someone and meeting their friends etc knowing they wouldn't ever settle down with that person.

It'd be a good line though, wouldn't it, if you wanted a woman to come to the conclusion you have.

Is he KPs husband ????
Seems a bit suspect. Probably will ask you for money when he gets back.
Big investment opportunity or something

Be wary

Why?
Do you automatically assume they really hate the kids and hope they'll be with the father 95% of the time... or do you think they're a paedophile wanting access?

I'm sorry to be negative but this man sounds fake to me. Please be very very careful.

@Heyandheytoday The overall agreement is that it means we have separate interests outside each other.

You've gone on 2 dates with this man, you should be having fun, not establishing "relationship rules and agreements", You realize this man is a total stranger right? I would google extensively in him, check claires law and do the homework before anything else.

Probably more that they assume nothing and wait to get to know them better.

Having watched the tv programmes about the love bombers who soften you up then ask for your money, I'd proceed with caution. For you, I hope he is genuine, but I'd go much more slowly and keep a tight grip on my purse.