Asking to be exclusive after 2 dates?

[Heyandheytoday]

He seems too good to be true.

Unspeakably handsome. Funny. Intelligent. Has his life together. Warm. Great in bed.

He told me before we met up for the first time that he doesn’t do casual, and he hopes this isn’t that. That’s after speaking for a while before meeting.

I thought this may be a sign of love bombing? He kept saying how he couldn’t believe I was available, how amazing I look, etc etc.

Met up for a walk. Then we had our first date. And then second date (had sex). He has gone away for the week now to Singapore for work and says he’s so happy, and really wants to talk about something properly when he’s back. And says he can’t wait (in an excited way).

Do you think he is going to ask for exclusivity? I mean, I am unofficially giving him that. Not because I feel I must but I just can’t entertain anyone else with him on the mind. He’s lush.

Is it a red flag that/if he wants to move things so quickly?

He seems to genuinely think I am too good to be true. Which is incredibly odd because I think the same about him.

He is like a male version of me, looks aside. He doesn’t just mirror. I’ve mentioned stuff and he’s said he likes the same, and there’s been examples of that happening where he either shows me that thing there and then or shows me on his phone pics of him doing that! So wouldn’t have had time to pretend he likes it etc

Agree. So many red flags here.

Are you sure it's not his parents house?

Also please, OP, rein him in. It's lush that he's excited about you. But it's only been two dates.

Very wise words

I meant childless, it’s pretty obvious. I just wasn’t sure how to edit. What the hell is wrong with you to be so rude?

"He told me before we met up for the first time that he doesn’t do casual, and he hopes this isn’t that. That’s after speaking for a while before meeting."

He says this then has sex with a woman he doesn't know on the second date ?
Hmmmm.

I mean, it does sound pretty full on for so early into things, but if all the things you mentioned have checked out and he's a genuine person who appears to be totally open with then go with it, with some caution for self preservation.

I do remember the feeling of meeting people through OLD years back and found I'd make huge connections with some men really quickly, actually feeling like I might be in love even though I'd only been speaking to them weeks and in some cases, never actually met in person and it's really easy to get wrapped up in that feeling but if you're having fun and nobody's at risk of anything then just play it out and see what happens. I'm sure you don't actually need people to tell you but just don't let your kids into that world for a good long time.

If it is too good to be true then often it is. But occasionally it isn't. Proceed with caution and take everything he says with a pinch of salt. Establish his relationship record carefully. How long have his previous relationships lasted?

You can still enjoy the early days of a new heady relationship, but do keep your feet firmly on the ground especially as you have two children to consider. You will lose nothing if you prepare yourself mentally for the risk of love bombing, and the disappointment and distress if he is, and if he isn't, then all could turn out well for you both and maybe a happy ever after might happen.

In "olden times", people didn't do things quickly. You certainly didn't have sex with someone on a second date. You got to know someone as a whole person first You waited several months, possibly an engagement which lasted several years..

Out of all the red flags he is displaying being single and 37 is the least.

40% of adults in the UK are single.

I would be very suspicious. If something seems too good to be true, listen to your instincts.

He is still a virtual stranger and you have kids so take it slow.

Also someone who makes a big deal of how is not after casual sex and wants a relationship would not have sex with a woman on a second date.

This ^^

Be cautious, OP
Either you have really clicked OR he is a controlling love-bomber.
Making you wait for ‘exciting talk’ is very controlling.
Please take a breath.

I would just add that the majority of apparently perfect men are not actually perfect. i know a perfectly normal reasonably good looking man who at a similar age was divorced from a woman he loved who left him for somebody else. Typical case of he was the last to know..

He was devastated by his ex's affair and he then became a 'single swinger' and juggled several women all met on apps, but occasionally they were work colleagues ( added complication) , several of which were single mums, at the same time, and he expected exclusivity from his ' 'harem'.

I am not at all convinced all the women knew that this single man was playing the field. ' Membership' of the harem often fizzled out after 6 months and he managed the exit by saying he'd realised he wasn't the settling down type .

.After about 15 years of this lifestyle he did in fact settle down, with a single mum with two children, and as far as I know is happy and well adjusted back into a conventional relationship.

Just take care and keep your mind alert to the risk of possible red flags before you sink your life and soul into the relationship.

Aah but you see: He's never felt like this before /never been so sure of anything in his life/he's been waiting all his life..
I've been here OP and just make sure:
Meet his family and friends at the earliest opportunity, if he is so sure about you, he'll be happy to show you off.
You need to spend eons of time with him before even thinking of introducing him to your kids.
See him at his worst/when things go awry/when stuff gets in the say (like his current trip)
When he/you is sick/when you can't meet because you don't have childcare etc etc..

Can I be nosy & ask where you slept together? If it was his place, did he say that both cars were his and why? Like others, I think the 'tell you something when he gets back' is cringe at best and a red flag at worst.

He's just a dude, not the King making a xmas day speech.
It's game playing.

Oop 😬

I mean. He could be a total chancer, he could be totally sincere. You have to go forward hoping for the best and preparing for the worst - don't hold your heart back, don't ruin it by setting him impossible challenges/questioning his intentions all the time, don't move in with him after the third date or let him use your address for credit purposes... ;-) All the standard stuff.

But what's really coming through is your lack of self-esteem. You acknowledge that you're good looking but that's it. You seem to see your kids as a drawback (and yes, to some men they would be, but really not all) and you haven't once discussed your positive traits - traits that he may well be genuinely into.

Are you funny? Are you kind? Are you generous with your time to other people? Are you a good listener? Do you share the same faith as him, assuming either of you have a faith? Do you share the same values? It's not about your job or your income or whether you travel with work like he does - are you humans cut from the same moral cloth?

You must have a view on how conversation flows, on your calls and dates. And you say the sex is amazing - that's half you.

If you truly are a good looking vacuum of a human, you might have a point.

But I suspect you're not.

So try and think of all the reasons why he might be really enjoying getting to know you.

A man in my Pilates group has 7 cars. His wife's is their 8th.

Ridiculous. But. Really not uncommon.

I know how strange. @Blondiebeachbabe your dh is hideous.

@Westfacing Indeed - often on these threads, after a promising first or second date, the lovely guy is off abroad with work for a week and can't wait to return!

I had a few of those who said they were going on holiday and never made contact again. (I didn't have sex with them BTW)
One let slip where he lived (he mentioned a certain landmark in a village that I was familiar with and passed on the way to work) and I checked up on him. His car was there on several occasions and had moved position so I knew he was back from this "holiday" he said he was going on.

I don't want to be a "Debbie Downer" OP but I would tread warily.

What job does he do BTW ?

Yep. So many red flags here you could make enough bunting for a village fete

Don't go to Paris with him!
...
If this is genuine and you are not playing the game I think you're playing, then I apologise. Good luck and say safe.

Now we've 'found each other'?
You have been on two dates.
I would sincerely heed the warnings of others on here.

I mean this was my experience of my husband of 32 years. I set out before our first date that i was sick of being messed about by men. He was just like this and it was a breath of fresh air.

Odd thread - he’s just asking if you can both date only each other for now, not make a lifelong commitment. It used to be pretty normal (and respectful) to just date the one, same person and dump them before moving on…

Bit more than that. He’s a bona fide abuser and you were planing to leave him. He is awful @Blondiebeachbabe

I wouldn't worry about that poster. They are busy whipping up discord about poor brown people on boats.