Boyfriend can’t accept my past

[2026dreams]

My partner wants to know about my sexual past and everyone I have slept with, is this normal ? He wants to know details of people I slept with 27 years ago

Body count really is a disgusting, usually misogynistic term.

I m genuinely not worried for safety he is too much of a sulky little man for that, he might try and come back because he has a nice life with me but I can’t go back to feeling anxious all the time, I just can’t

Was this all over messages, not face to face or in person?

It was over WhatsApp in the night the Facebook reels, the rest is constant

I'm soo pleased for you op! You can finally feel FREEE...(.I know I did when I left my ex narc......I do not miss walking on egg shells and feeling anxious all the time!) Onwards and upwards! x

Nooooo red flag alert! RED FLAG ALERT!

My DH and I have known each other since we were 11, we went out with each other for a few years as teens before getting back together in our 20s. For this reason we happen to know more than most about who each other has been with. But I would still never dig for more details - it's none of my business! He knows about guys who were in my life which involved stories or context or he met or he knows anyway, but he doesn't need to know absolutely everything.

No one needs to know that level of detail about every person you've ever been with.

Boot him out of your life pronto.

"Taught" by who? Didn't it occur to you as nonsense when you were "taught" it?

What a weirdo. You're well shot of him OP, good for you. Sounds like he's disappearing down an Andrew Tate rabbit hole

I think having a discussion about body count is a normal thing at the beginning of a relationship. It's a curiosity and conversation thing, just like asking about previous relationships and generally getting to know each other. No answer should be a big deal one way or another. If it's massively high I might have some follow up questions but in general it doesn't really matter. I wouldn't be afraid of asking or answering truthfully in future. If nothing else you might spot some red flags early on. Him making it a big deal now after several years together is clearly not about the question. Good riddance.

Haven’t RTWT and I see you are now talking about him in the past tense. Well done. In my ( admittedly not exhaustive) experience men have not wanted to know my past beyond very broad brush strokes. And I haven’t wanted to know theirs. It just feels invasive and uncomfortable.

Bloody hell! That's normal?

No... some exes come up in general conversation others never get remembered and one night stands are nobody's business

Ye gods! The thought of making a list is itself ludicrous, swapping such lists is self flagellation - no!

Op- why on earth did it take you so long to realise this is not normal and to dump him!!!

By whom? And who are the ‘we’ in this context?!

This freak doesn't deserve a nice life with you. Does he expect you to fly back back in time.

Tell him to fuck off - it is none of his business.
Edited because I hadn't read the full thread! I have literally never had anybody ask me this and I've never asked anybody else.

Asking for a ballpark figure body count out of curiosity is one thing. Wanting specifics and details on people going back 27 years is insane. And intrusive. He's either incredibly, weirdly insecure or incredibly controlling and misogynistic. None of which are very attractive traits.

I can imagine him on the computer late at night, looking for ammunition to use against you Op, trying to say I told you so. Trouble is it's only deeply sexist men who agree with him_ body count for women but lots of experience is good for men according to them.
If he contacts you again tell him to get lost

Ah, OK. If he was just doing it when you weren't there I might wonder if he was ahem, getting off on asking you for details and calling you names.

Good decision anyway, hope he accepts it and leaves you alone.

No. Absolutely not.
Not his prerogative.

Controlling at this stage. Potentially, dangerous.

I'd get AI to generate a spreadsheet with 200-300 made-up names ranked in order of performance, put him near the bottom, and share it with him.

(Actually I would have the idea but never really do it.... Unless he'd made me very, very angry.)

Weird, not normal, very controlling, super judgemental, and not at all the way adults approaching sex responsibly speak to each other.

I don't know how many people my husband has slept with. He doesn't know how many I have slept with. We know each other's biggies - our Proper Relationships - and we navigated the STD conversation before having unprotected sex. We met when he was 40s/I was late 30s, so similar ages to you guys I imagine.

Being interested in each other's past is just normal.

CARING that much about it, wanting details, talking about body counts, constantly wanging on about your past and being suspicious of you today because of it - fuck that shit. It's not you, it's definitely him - rrrrrrrrrrrrun!

So let me get this straight - you've been with him for 3 YEARS.

Has he been asking this from the start? For the whole 3 years?

Have you been having sex in those 3 years?

Or is he asking now because you haven't had sex yet and he wants to know before you DTD?

It really is none of his business either way but I can't understand why he's suddenly asked this or why you've put up with him asking for 3 years or why he's been DTD with you if your "body count " (vomit) is so very crucial

Make it make sense!!!

He has always been a bit like this but it has ramped up since he found out that I dated someone when he found some old photos and he says that he doesn’t know me anymore

it doesn’t make sense because I think it’s irrational

we have had some lovely times together but not anymore he is too hung up on this

I’m confused, did he think you were a 50 year old virgin?!

Anyway, unless he has some massively redeeming features, I think throw this one back! He seems a bit off!

”no it’s because he was an arsehole like you”

honestly get rid of this loser!