Boyfriend can’t accept my past

[2026dreams]

My partner wants to know about my sexual past and everyone I have slept with, is this normal ? He wants to know details of people I slept with 27 years ago

Jesus. The fact that you consider this ‘normal’ is concerning. What good is a list when you don’t know any of the people on it ? For safer sex you both get an STI test and use a condom until you’re sure of each other. There is no earthly reason to compare ‘body counts’.

I am so glad you've ended - stayed strong and keep away from him.

Such toxic behaviour, at some point in the future you'll be able to look back and think, thank goodness he showed me who he really was before I got in any deeper.

It's good that you have ended it, his obsession would have made life difficult. Thank goodness you never lived together!

OP your updates are really concerning. They add up to what is coercive and controlling behaviour, which will only get worse. Once he has the information he wants, it will be something else - ad nauseam. Please ditch him ASAP - and tell him same goes - if you had known he was a controlling insecure arsehole you wouldn’t have dated him either.

Bingo. And there it is. He wants to know about your past so he can use it against you. You’re not to be trusted because you were ‘promiscuous’ (who is he to decide that anyway ?) so you end up a prisoner in your own home under his watchful eye. Next your friends won’t be trustworthy so he’ll isolate you from them. Same with family - most will be a bad influence in some way and before you can say ‘abusive shitbag’ you’ll be completely cut off from your social circle where he can keep an eye on you. Oh - and he’ll try to convince you that he’s only looking after your welfare. Get rid. Now.

THE REDDEST OF RED FLAGS. deadly serious. You need to end it now.

I don’t think it was meant to be unpleasant OP. I think it’s just meant to convey that older and more mature people tend not be hung up on this stuff because ultimately they know that it’s the person in front of them that matters, not their life history. They’re also more likely to be intolerant of the constant and repeated questioning because life experience tends to make you more aware of big, waving red flags for potential abusers.

Thank god for that !! You may not be able to see it now, but you’ve had a lucky escape. The hard part now is sticking to your guns if he contacts you again. And I suspect he will because he views you as his victim. After three years he will have been well on his way to ‘conditioning’ you and he won’t want to have to start all over again with someone else. Block him, and do yourself a favour - make a Clare’s Law application on him because I guarantee you, you won’t be the first partner he’s done this to, and if a worst case scenario already exists, you need to know.

And that’s a manipulative person - fake front to the world - the real him is the vicious, insecure, controlling man who wants to punish his partner behind closed doors.

That’s how it’s taken so long for you to see it or feel it - because of his good public performance which jars with his persona behind closed doors so you assume it’s your issue as everyone else thinks he’s great.

I would expect him now to play bitter and nasty. His ugly fragile ego will be bruised. Please be very careful for your physical security. If he contacts you two times after being told not to it legally constitutes the crime of stalking and harassment and you should tell him you will contact the police. These things can escalate very quickly. I would have a ring doorbell and dash cam on your car. Women are at their greatest risk of abuse, harassment, assault, death in the 2 years following a breakup. Be safe.

You've done the right thing ditching him; don't change your mind.

He demands you tell him stuff that isn't even his business, accuses you of lying when you answer, makes a fuss about you going out without him. Tries to tell you that it's his role to "accept" or not accept your life before you even knew him, like you need his approval to exist. Says he wouldn't have dated you if he "knew what you were like". He does it as a way to control you: you're supposed to accept the narrative that you're somehow not good enough for him and then spend the rest of your life trying to prove otherwise by doing whatever he says at all times. Like he's such a prize (there's a laugh) and you need to really work hard to deserve him. You're well rid.

Fabulous that you ended it, OP. This guy's completely toxic.

Weird as fuck. I’m glad you recognise that.

Glad you’ve ended it OP but he will be back. He’s lost control of the relationship and he won’t like that. Please block him and tell him to leave you alone if he shows up in person.

Please be prepared for love bombing or some other method to get you back. He sounds very controlling and won't be overly pleased you have escaped before he was done playing 😞

Do not answer any of those questions. Some things are forever private. Sounds like he would twist whatever facts you tell him. Very worrying behaviour. FWIW, we married in our early fifties so of course there was history on both sides but neither of us have ever queried any of it.

Any man that says the words 'body count' put them straight in the bin!

Well done for throwing him out OP you've dodged a bullet.

This.

Dump him.

Oh dear, poor little man. You haven't jumped through his hoop or wailed, "pick me, pick meeee".

He'll very likely chalk this up to you having such a wild past that you couldn't bring yourself to admit to it.

Let him. Who cares about the opinions of such a thundering charmless pillock anyway? You are free now, FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Bin him off. 🚩🚩🚩🚩

No, this isn't normal. He is insecure and if not yet, will be controlling. This is a form of jealousy based control.

He's going to start comparing himself to all of them internally or badgering you to compare him to them.

Get ready for this information to be used later in arguments, shaming or moral score boarding.

Prepare for a tantrum if you do tell him. Prepare for one if you don't. Basically no outcome to this conversation is going to be positive and you're in a shit position.

The only thing he is entitled to know is your current sexual health - are you free of any kind of sexually transmitted disease. He doesn't need to know if you have had one in the past.

I would ask him why he feels he's entitled to this information or why he feels he needs to know.

I would personally end the relationship. This is a massive red flag and a marker for abuse and control.

Guess you need to ask why he needs to know , almost like a job interview if one has a headcount of say 50 its rather like on a job interview one might be more confident with say someone that only had say two jobs in several years. Assume he has a history himself, whilst good to know some history of each other one moves forward as you find each other I would hope , it does not sound positive with this guy 🙄

That’s exactly why

fuck him I actually feel calm

Oh yes if the begging, pleading love bombing doesn’t work, expect ‘an emergency’ to get your attention and sympathy - either him health related or one of his - or the suicide threats - ignore all of them - if it’s the latter call the paramedics if it’s real then the appropriate professionals are in place to support him - if it isn’t he will be smoked out in public as a manipulative abuser. This is the classic thwarted narcissist move - when their brittle ego is exposed.

I suspect that other unsettling incidents will bubble up to the surface in your mind that indicate a pattern of behaviour to unnerve you.

I also thought you were both young from your earlier posts because his behaviour is exactly what I'd expect from an immature teenage boy who has a distorted concept of relationships. From a 50 year old its downright predatory.

What has stopped you giving him the boot? You know this behaviour isn't right and it's a red flag but it's concerning that you don't feel able to get rid - some of the recommendations for support programmes may be helpful. Men like this particularly prey on women who are less self confident or assertive and undermine them in exactly the way your "partner" is currently doing. Just block him and find a supportive friend or organisation to help with the self confidence.

Incidentally the "right" number of partners for you is the number you wanted and with whom you consented. Its also absolutely nobody else's business but yours.

Feeling calm is your body's way of saying you've done the right thing.

The older I get, the more I trust my gut.