The Dating Thread 64 - the leaves are falling, and so are the irons (at our feet, hopefully, and not gently binwards....)

[Ilovelurchers]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy!

• Be massively proud of yourself! Every boundary you put in place, big or small; every single iron you swipe left on, whatever your reasoning; every first date or fifteenth date you decide against pursuing..... These are all signs of how much you have learned to respect yourself, how far you have come, how you have finally realised that actually, remaining single a bit longer is hugely preferable to being with a partner who does not make you feel good about yourself. We all still make mistakes or errors of judgement occasionally - we are all still growing and learning - but every time you feel frustrated, just look at how far you have come, and how amazing you really are!

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

I haven't yet ditched Mr Cyclist but he has been messaging me and I can tell is building up to asking me out. Considering maybe giving it one more chance. . .but then again my instinct after every date is "no thank you" 😅

As for Mr Casual. I am starting to feel strangely detached from him. Genuinely unbothered. I think I am just bored of being stuck in a repetitive casual dynamic. That was one of the reasons I ended it back in June. Recognition that it had a shelf life.

Regardless I am just going to enjoy a man-free weekend and not give any of them too much thought.

I've just counted up and I am chatting to 8 irons on Bumble at the moment. Three of them have already pinned down dates over the coming week - I am thinking of giving the others a deadline to do this.....

I am almost hoping that some of them will come out with some red flags, as 8 seems slightly too many, but I can't choose between them!

All are only getting about 3-4 messages a day, as that's all I have time for. But far from putting them off, it only seems to be making them keener! Every time I log on I have 7 "your turn" indicators waiting for me ....

And so far, they all pass all four of the "Pillars of Dating Compatability" Gemini helped me draw up:

• spark of attraction (as far as you can tell from a photo)
• respectful conduct towards me so far
• interests in common
• financial and domestic stability.

I guess I just need to cram in as many dates as I can over the next week (half term) - as things will get a lot clearer once I start meeting them in person.

Meanwhile, I emailed Mr Paint yesterday and said I would come in and see him on Weds. I said afternoon - I have a half-baked plan to come in as late as I can to shop closing time, in the hope he suggests going for a drink afterwards, if we get chatting...... I know it's unlikely, in fact he may not even be allowed to do this under his terms of employment (I have never worked in retail - are there rules about asking customers out?)

And yes, he is very much a nerd. That particular sort of male nerd who looks like a viking. He has lovely long brown hair which he wears in a plait for work. For all I know he dresses up as one and does Sealed Knot events. He'd look amazing! I bet he loves real ale and Tolkien and all that. That's my kind of nerd! 🤣

You might need a spreadsheet to keep track! 😅 Great stuff. I am hoping for a Mr Paint romance though.

It seems already that Tennis is pretty reliable, so hopefully he'll be careful with your heart. I especially like this "trying quite hard to sleep with me", bless!

Go Tennis!😂

Am also Team Paint!

God I would love this.

We could have a big shed full of lawnmowers and motorbikes that needed tinkering with where qe could keep the men and just get them out as and when we need them.

Ive got my friend staying this weekend. We met at work in February and instantly clicked and she's now one of my closest friends. It seems so weird this is the first time she's seen my home and kids.

Anyway. The kids are off eith their dad and now and she and I went for a long run, a sauna and wild swim and are now on thw sofa with blankets, cats, chocolate snacks of differing types, pampering stuff and 80s films. Its fucking lovely.

She's also told me three times that I'd make an amazing boyfriend 😆😆😆 (such things as remembering what flavour syrup she likes in her coffee etc).
If only men were as easily impressed and valued such things as much.

Also - @Ilovelurchers - I think we have similar taste in men. Masculine needs are my cryptonite.

Your weekend with your friend sounds absolutely blissful!

I am catching up with a couple of female friends over half term - both former colleagues who have been friends for years (one was actually my bridesmaid at my first wedding). Even though we don't get to see each other that often these days, both are absolutely amazing friends.

I can't wait!

And God, yes, I feel this so hard! Nothing as attractive as a man who is passionate about his interests and just likes what he likes, and doesn't care what the world thinks about that .... And if he looks like a big sexy viking too, even better!

@BoxOfCats I hope you're feeling ok about your surgery. Mr Page sounds promising. My first boyf was a Mr Page 😁

About six weeks with Tennis

Thank you @Ilovelurchers I looked back at Crashing and realised I let him rush me. He pushed to see me a LOT more than I really had headspace for so I think I was slightly hazed. Looking back he gave pick up artist vibes despite having been on paper married for 27 years.

It's hard to know with Cricket if you had the ick because of your ex or FWB, or if you had the ick because he was just icky.

Are bridges burned with 🏏?

@Ilovelurchers what was that sixties show filmed in Portmeirion? The Prisoner!! TBH if we all lived in the same place I'm not sure men would get much of a look in😁
Please can we also have an 80s nightclub?!

Depends. Can we have 90s indie and dance nights, too? 🤣

Ok.
So when I win the lottery tonight we're starting this commune, right?

@Ilovelurchers I have a bit of a thing for engineers. Beardy, needy, engineers. I found a makerspace near me when I was looking for somewhere to try out different woodworking equipment and stuff. Im wondering if it might be a potential wild- man meeting spot for the type of practical, engineering minded man I find attractive 🤔 might be a nice side effect!

I'm so glad you're having such a gorgeous, bountiful time with your friend ♥️

90s indie sounds ace.

I'm team paint too 🎨 I feel like not meeting him on OLD means there is a better chance he's a functional adult.

Also @Ilovelurchers there is probably a tv series in this half term of dating.

Ah thank you, that’s kind.

I guess we will see whether Charismatic steps up or not. He did ask yesterday what date the surgery is, and I made it clear yesterday that I’m keen to see him before it. I do genuinely think he’s been busy (as have I), but then we also live so close to one another that 5 weeks of not seeing each other seems a bit outrageous.

I do indeed have some real life support, so thank you. My mum will be staying with me and a good friend has also been great at checking in on how I’m doing health wise. Work have also been great and not even blinked that I’ll need 2 weeks off.

Haha I would love that kind of a village! It’s pretty difficult to make new friends IRL at this age. Nearly all my friends are coupled up with kids - I’d love some awesome single ladies such as yourselves to hang out with!

Just on Cricket, in my own experience when I’ve felt that slight icky feeling you describe, it’s because my gut was telling me it wasn’t right. I had this last year with Mr Eager. In retrospect a year later, there were some amber flags giving me that slightly repulsed feeling, which I didn’t spot at the time being so fresh from another relationship. I wouldn’t over think what happened with him, just trust your gut and move on.

@ThreeMogsAndCounting Lol, I would love a man shed! I actually just had a new garden shed put in the back garden of my new place. It’s fairly roomy. There’s probably space for a burly man 😂 Sounds like you’re having an amazing weekend! I think I might do a movie and pamper night myself tonight!

I hate how it keeps changing nerdy to needy and I miss it when I proofread!

Love hearing that ive inspired a pamper evening.

I now have lovely legs and painted toenails.

This is my type! Plus maths geeks. Nearly all the ones in chatting to are one if these. types. One even has a locomotive!

I’m up for this commune. It gives me a warm feeling!

I’m so pleased I didn’t fancy mr sweet as he is terrible at being responsive. I still haven’t had chance to tell him he’s relegated. I’ve also got rid of the ones that are not near me.

If he's not responsive do you need to tell him?

How do you guys keep going?

i find it so deflating. I’m 57 and thinking of giving up.

I give up regularly and concentrate on othet things.

But I am now fully enmeshed with this group so im staying whether I date or not!

oo do I not ?

ok I’ll see if he messages me then see.
tho he has tried to call me.

I try to not over invest. I treat each interaction as if it’s just a chat in a train journey.
it gets harder on meeting. last time I think I only got to 3rd or 4th dates.

I read this thread regularly and the stamina of some of you dating regulars is incredible. I find it so tiring. I’ve come off the sites again as sick of being ghosted/ignored. It’s soul destroying.