The Dating Thread 64 - the leaves are falling, and so are the irons (at our feet, hopefully, and not gently binwards....)

[Ilovelurchers]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy!

• Be massively proud of yourself! Every boundary you put in place, big or small; every single iron you swipe left on, whatever your reasoning; every first date or fifteenth date you decide against pursuing..... These are all signs of how much you have learned to respect yourself, how far you have come, how you have finally realised that actually, remaining single a bit longer is hugely preferable to being with a partner who does not make you feel good about yourself. We all still make mistakes or errors of judgement occasionally - we are all still growing and learning - but every time you feel frustrated, just look at how far you have come, and how amazing you really are!

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

FFS

Good on you for not replying!!

@ThreeMogsAndCounting Happy to hear you’ve had some positive things happening and have got something to look forward to 💐

@Ilovelurchers I love that you have an iron in the wild! I also think it’s a good sign that he remembers you. I think you should go for it - nothing to lose!

@Nosdacariad That level of directness would potentially put me off, but it depends a lot on the tone in which it’s delivered! Does he know he’s pushing his luck a bit, or is he potentially a bit lacking in self awareness?

I think both. I don't find him pushy as I'd rather direct than manipulative like Planes 😁

@ThreeMogsAndCounting glad you have something nice planned😘

Midweek update mr football still fair amount of chat and discussing date no 2 on Sunday he asked to go on to WhatsApp and I said no partly because I am still not sure how attracted and also just because I like to observe what people are like with boundaries - he said fine - he is extremely respectful which is a plus I think - with regards to sex the last couple I have dated I was keen by date 3 but given how they worked out maybe I should wait a bit! Not heard from mr lamb and havnt messaged him but that is probably a good thing - also having a bit of chat with mr spain but he did use the phrase ‘making memories’ which I was not impressed by…

Saw this on Facebook today....its so true 😂

Brilliant! Very well observed ....

This is so positive - well done. It's so easy just to retreat into yourself when things are difficult, but I always find that spending time with friends puts things into perspective and cheers me up massively.

How are you feeling tonight?

Thanks everyone for the feedback re. Mr Paint - I showed Gemini his email and she agreed that his eagerness to chat about the workshop in person is a good sign. (As, realistically, it's the sort of thing we could easily and quickly sort out over email if we wanted to).

I mentioned I could pop in over half term next week and he has sent me details of exactly what days and times he will be around - so that's good!

I just need to find a way to bring the chat around to personal matters when I see him..... Last time he bought up weekend plans, so he seems pretty open to general chat.

It's interesting - I have quite a few nice chats going on over Bumble currently. In fact, I(even a couple of dates lined up on Sunday: Mr Runner, who wants us both to buy a charity shop book for each other and discuss why we chose those particular books on the date - it's a cute, fun idea; and Mr Sunglasses, who is interesting and chatty, just not sure I will fancy him sadly .... And there are three or four others where a date has at least been mentioned - all quite promising - but nobody is an absolute stand out to me so far.

But I am weirdly much more excited about Mr Paint - even tho I have no evidence he is even single, let alone interested! I think it's the fact I have seen him in person, so I KNOW there is some chemistry there.

FWB wasn't able to stay over tonight as originally planned, as he is having a bit of a nightmare time - he currently lives in a large camper van parked on his vest mate's land, but his best mate has basically told him he needs to move on, for reasons I don't fully grasp. I feel a bit worried for him of course, but I didn't immediately invite him to move in here, which is something Former Me would have done like a shot - I am proud of myself for holding boundaries on this one.

Speaking of boundaries, I will be attending a family meal tomorrow night which will include DD's dad. Am hoping I can enjoy the evening without suffering too many nostalgia pangs ..... I intend to try to to keep my mind firmly focused on the future, not the past!

Doing so well with the dates lurchers.

I feel like Mr Paint is more likely to be a functional adult what with not emerging from OLD 🤞

So true!! 😂

@Ilovelurchers-potential for proper, old-fashioned chemistry to build with Mr Paint! How exciting!

I had my date with the guy I didn’t even give a name to, and I have to say my suspicions were correct. Nice but just no click. It was a very quick date - an hour! and I thought I’d manage to do the whole thing without exchanging numbers, but unfortunately he asked me right at the very end, and I was too much of a coward to tell him to his face that I didn’t want to see him again. So now I have to do it over WhatsApp rather than via Hinge. 😩

Well, I won the argument with b&q, popped into town on my lunchbreak to pick up the new paint and, um, may have stayed up til midnight painting my sitting room.

So how am I feeling tonight? Tired, productive,pleased, distracted.

I may be finding the diy stressful because its on a clock, but boy is it useful for keeping me busy and out of my head.

My partner is 11 years older. I dont want to live without him if im being totally honest. He make my nervous system feel calm and safe.

Just take it one day at a time and enjoy it. Its good hes been honest. And just becareful at the same time iyswim. X

Great. I burst into tears at the office this morning.
Luckily only in front of one colleague, but honestly.

Take it 20 minutes at a time xxx

These things happen - don't be hard on yourself. I hope your colleague was supportive.....

Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. It's all you can do. It will get easier in time, I promise.

@Ilovelurchers how are you doing?

When is the outing with dd's Dad?

Thank you - it's actually turned into quite a good day. Lots of nice social engagement and interactions with colleagues. Glad I came in and I guess it's one way to form a closer relationship with colleagues - have a good sob on them! 😆

Tonight. Mom is going to be there too, and my daughter, so it's not going to have any romantic potentially, even if he was inclined that way, which he clearly isn't!

My mom is quite pissed off with him as she thinks he has everything his own way. I kind of are her point. Not sure whether she will portray her pissed offness in any way or not - she is a bit of a loose canon!

Maybe see if you can borrow a bit of her pissed-offness? Help keep you fortified

It's not a bad idea!

Meanwhile I have just had to cancel my date with Mr Sunglasses on Sunday, as I asked about his politics and they are quite radically different from my own. I have quite strong political beliefs, so I don't think it would work. Shame as he seemed nice in other ways.

I still have a date on Sunday with Mr Jogger, and now one on Tuesday night with Mr Suit, who, excitingly, has agreed to play mini-golf!

We had a date fixed up a few months ago, but I ended up cancelling, I think because I had started dating Cricket at that time and didn't want to multi-date? He seems to have taken this on the chin and was happy to arrange another date, so fair play to him - I am not sure I would have been .....

I have also got Mr Miner, who is talking about a date next weekend, though I will need to check and see when my daughter is here.

Not feeling wildly excited about any of them, though all are nice enough - ust trying to remind myself to trust the process and the law of averages suggests it will eventually pay off......

Hi all, pleased so many of you are getting dates quite so easily. @ThreeMogsAndCounting , I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time. I can feel your pain.

mr k is still not happening. We’ve gone 8 days now with no messaging. I feel like a lovelorn teenager, I’ve cried every single day since the break up.

ive tried getting back on tinder and hinge but I’m so fussy that there’s a really small pool and most of them have unmatched me anyway after a few messages. It really is bizarre.

Ive taken myself off to Prague for a short break but all I can think is that mr k would love it here 💔