Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The Dating Thread 64 - the leaves are falling, and so are the irons (at our feet, hopefully, and not gently binwards....)

910 replies

Ilovelurchers · 04/10/2026 17:01

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy!

  • Be massively proud of yourself! Every boundary you put in place, big or small; every single iron you swipe left on, whatever your reasoning; every first date or fifteenth date you decide against pursuing..... These are all signs of how much you have learned to respect yourself, how far you have come, how you have finally realised that actually, remaining single a bit longer is hugely preferable to being with a partner who does not make you feel good about yourself. We all still make mistakes or errors of judgement occasionally - we are all still growing and learning - but every time you feel frustrated, just look at how far you have come, and how amazing you really are!

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

OP posts:
BoxOfCats · 20/10/2026 17:12

Reginablitzing · 20/10/2026 12:00

No unfortunately.
his clothes
his face
his baldness.
I know I sound very shallow.
I kept studying his face. Thinking could I ? But no I could not.
though when I first met ex I didn’t fancy him either. But we just clicked. And hung out together a lot as I’d see him after work on my way past. Whereas mr sweet is inaccessible really. More than an hour away to
my life and work.

I don’t think that’s shallow. Physical attraction is important. You can’t help what you like or not. If you were only judging someone on looks alone that would be different.

AlwaysCarrieSATC · 20/10/2026 17:14

Does anyone else hate the first month of dating the most? I say this because I’ve had a run of guys flaking around week 3 😂

BoxOfCats · 20/10/2026 17:14

@IlovelurchersGlad to hear you’ve found your groove again!

Reginablitzing · 20/10/2026 17:27

I was going to say I hate all dating. But having said that im having some interesting conversations. One train enthusiast
one artist
one QS- who gave me top tips for my students.
a gardener who’s offered to do my back garden I hope that’s not a euphemism. 😂

Thiswillbefun · 20/10/2026 17:32

@AlwaysCarrieSATCI wish I could get beyond date 3!! They all want xxx and I would rather get to know someone....yawn...

ThreeMogsAndCounting · 20/10/2026 17:41

I have chinned men off for the night (possibly longer) and am headed to a gig on Oxford with an ante natal friend I javent seen in about a year. The artists is a singer songwriter I've followed since I was 17 and I love that I still get to see him perform live.

And at the weekend my work bestie is coming to stay and we have plans.

And B&Q have agreed to fix my paint issue. Which i haven't bored you with, but am very pleased about!

Zaddy sounds grim,as expected.

Reginablitzing · 20/10/2026 20:01

Thiswillbefun · 20/10/2026 17:32

@AlwaysCarrieSATCI wish I could get beyond date 3!! They all want xxx and I would rather get to know someone....yawn...

Yes same
I’m too slow for many.

Thiswillbefun · 20/10/2026 20:29

@ReginablitzingSxx talk is easy compared to actual talk!

Reginablitzing · 20/10/2026 21:16

Thiswillbefun · 20/10/2026 20:29

@ReginablitzingSxx talk is easy compared to actual talk!

Absolutely
one guy did good chat and moved over to preferences in bed I asked him to stop.

Ilovelurchers · 20/10/2026 21:17

Evening all! Quick update from me - FWB is over tonight and I have just bought his dog out for a last wee, whole he (FWB) recovers from giving me some of the best sex imaginable! The man is a wonder. And so hot. Such a shame we aren't compatible as a couple. But I am just feeling grateful right now for the friendship and connection we share.....

Oh, and remember Mr Paint - guy I met in the wild at a hobby shop he runs and cunningly emailed with the idea of bringing a group of kids I work with for an activity workshop?

He has replied, very keenly, saying he remembered chatting to me, and his email suggests we either talk on the phone or in person to plan more details of said workshop ..... Am I deluding myself in seeing promise here? DD has witnessed us interacting several times and thinks he fancies me for sure - I am less convinced, but stating to hope slightly...... But perhaps he is just professional and keen on workshops?

OP posts:
Nosdacariad · 20/10/2026 21:41

@Ilovelurchers I think he could be the man for you if he's single.

Sex on the third date...do men really expect that?!

ThreeMogsAndCounting · 20/10/2026 22:29

Ilovelurchers · 20/10/2026 21:17

Evening all! Quick update from me - FWB is over tonight and I have just bought his dog out for a last wee, whole he (FWB) recovers from giving me some of the best sex imaginable! The man is a wonder. And so hot. Such a shame we aren't compatible as a couple. But I am just feeling grateful right now for the friendship and connection we share.....

Oh, and remember Mr Paint - guy I met in the wild at a hobby shop he runs and cunningly emailed with the idea of bringing a group of kids I work with for an activity workshop?

He has replied, very keenly, saying he remembered chatting to me, and his email suggests we either talk on the phone or in person to plan more details of said workshop ..... Am I deluding myself in seeing promise here? DD has witnessed us interacting several times and thinks he fancies me for sure - I am less convinced, but stating to hope slightly...... But perhaps he is just professional and keen on workshops?

Oh he definitely sounds keen. Worth a shot anyway, right?

MrFlintstone · 20/10/2026 22:44

Ilovelurchers · 20/10/2026 21:17

Evening all! Quick update from me - FWB is over tonight and I have just bought his dog out for a last wee, whole he (FWB) recovers from giving me some of the best sex imaginable! The man is a wonder. And so hot. Such a shame we aren't compatible as a couple. But I am just feeling grateful right now for the friendship and connection we share.....

Oh, and remember Mr Paint - guy I met in the wild at a hobby shop he runs and cunningly emailed with the idea of bringing a group of kids I work with for an activity workshop?

He has replied, very keenly, saying he remembered chatting to me, and his email suggests we either talk on the phone or in person to plan more details of said workshop ..... Am I deluding myself in seeing promise here? DD has witnessed us interacting several times and thinks he fancies me for sure - I am less convinced, but stating to hope slightly...... But perhaps he is just professional and keen on workshops?

In my humble opinion, if he remembers talking to you, he likes you.

On the plus side, you have already broken the ice, and can easily talk with one another, you just need to move it on. Good luck 🤞

Reginablitzing · 21/10/2026 01:07

Yes agree with the others sounds like he does like you when can you go in?

Nosdacariad · 21/10/2026 07:41

Morning all🌞

Hope you're all having a good week, any dates planned for the weekend?

Chocolatefreak · 21/10/2026 08:20

Morning @Nosdacariad ! Seems like things are progressing in a nicely respectful fashion with Mr Tennis.

I have a date tonight with a guy who lives near me (luckily not too near!) Chat has been polite and unremarkable. I'm trying to be positive.

Chocolatefreak · 21/10/2026 08:36

@Ilovelurchers promising-sounding reaction from Mr Paint! Even if it's not a romantic success, at the very least you've shown initiative and probably done great pr for a local business.

@Reginablitzing that's a shame about Mr Sweet. It's so often the way when everything else is good on paper.

Nosdacariad · 21/10/2026 09:03

@Chocolatefreak the local guy could be promising!

Tennis IS respectful but also trying his luck 😂 I've been to his (astonishingly clean and tidy) house twice.

"Shall we go upstairs" "No"
"Can I undo your bra" "No"

I'm not sure about his intelligence, emotional or otherwise, but he has a successful business apparently so that requires some brains surely?

Chocolatefreak · 21/10/2026 09:44

@Nosdacariad a clean and tidy house is great - is his personal hygiene at the same level? I've met quite a few men who are seemingly great at cleaning themselves - except when it comes to dental hygiene, which is the absolute worst.

Good that he's being respectful - if he hadn't shown any sexual interest you might be wondering why not, by now! In what way is he not showing emotional/other signs of intelligence - the clumsy way he's trying to get you into bed? At least he's asking for consent...

Nosdacariad · 21/10/2026 10:25

Chocolatefreak · 21/10/2026 09:44

@Nosdacariad a clean and tidy house is great - is his personal hygiene at the same level? I've met quite a few men who are seemingly great at cleaning themselves - except when it comes to dental hygiene, which is the absolute worst.

Good that he's being respectful - if he hadn't shown any sexual interest you might be wondering why not, by now! In what way is he not showing emotional/other signs of intelligence - the clumsy way he's trying to get you into bed? At least he's asking for consent...

Yes he seems clean too.

There's not really any emotional depth to conversations and he's not super articulate.

Very un academic background. That doesn't mean he lacks intelligence of course...not sure!

AlwaysCarrieSATC · 21/10/2026 13:24

So a couple of months ago I had three lovely dates with someone, really thoughtful long dates, walk on the beach, flowers etc.

Then he ghosted me.

Popped up last night with a “hello stranger” message

whats wrong with these guys 😂
I didn’t reply

Nosdacariad · 21/10/2026 13:27

AlwaysCarrieSATC · 21/10/2026 13:24

So a couple of months ago I had three lovely dates with someone, really thoughtful long dates, walk on the beach, flowers etc.

Then he ghosted me.

Popped up last night with a “hello stranger” message

whats wrong with these guys 😂
I didn’t reply

Good decision.

What an arse!

Thiswillbefun · 21/10/2026 13:37

I am away far from home visiting my DS at uni. I have a breakfast coffee tomorrow with someone I have met online! Madness :)

Summertime2012 · 21/10/2026 14:51

Hello all! Just to say that I continue dating Mr Physics and somehow unexpectedly I feel closer to him as days go by. He is caring, sensitive as well as very intelligent and honest and the sex is great, which hasn't happened that often in my life! He is taking me out for a late birthday dinner tonight. He is still 9 years' older than me and I have never dated anyone with that age difference, so this is a bit new to me. It may not be necessary to think in these terms but as I am nearing my 50s I am wondering whether it could be something I would need to pay more attention to. I more or less explained to him about my situation with Mr Lawyer and he was ok. He told me that he still loves his ex but that he is no longer in love with her. I sense that he is still hurt from his break-up. Mr Lawyer sent me more photos of landscapes and of him from his trip and I couldn't help but texted him back to say that I loved them and that he looked very happy (and so handsome, but I didn't mention that!). He just put a 🙏. @Ilovelurcherswell done for Mr Paint, that sounds like a great way to connect with someone! And good luck to everyone with the dates and chats!

ThreeMogsAndCounting · 21/10/2026 15:19

I have a friend staying with me this weekend. I am really looking forward to it.

Swipe left for the next trending thread