The Dating Thread 64 - the leaves are falling, and so are the irons (at our feet, hopefully, and not gently binwards....)

[Ilovelurchers]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy!

• Be massively proud of yourself! Every boundary you put in place, big or small; every single iron you swipe left on, whatever your reasoning; every first date or fifteenth date you decide against pursuing..... These are all signs of how much you have learned to respect yourself, how far you have come, how you have finally realised that actually, remaining single a bit longer is hugely preferable to being with a partner who does not make you feel good about yourself. We all still make mistakes or errors of judgement occasionally - we are all still growing and learning - but every time you feel frustrated, just look at how far you have come, and how amazing you really are!

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

@ThreeMogsAndCounting well done - we know you are brillant, and you deserve to meet someone as cool as you.🌟🍾🥂💐😘

@Ilovelurchers I would not date him because he is clearly twelve 😁

@AlwaysCarrieSATC it's going ok with tennis. It's like the other end of the spectrum from Planes, all action and no words. We'll see.

No 👎

No, unless they were clearly being ironic

Yes, because it can take ages to get divorced, it took us 2 years but I know some couples whose divorce took much longer.

Hell no.

I will explain all about let's call him Mr Van soon but firstly I need to say this, I dont know what it is but I find the thought of a guy talking to loads of others off putting, I dont know what it is but it puts me off.

At the same time I get it, that's what the apps do but personally I find it hard to even find someone I find that gets me so with Mr Van I feel that.

I was in a longish relationship before becoming single so maybe I'm just used to that way I don't know. I'm just very loyal and I feel like I'm wasting my time on the apps tbh as I'm not like that.

Oh god no. How old is he?

I miss having 'pebbles' sent.
It was nice to know someone was thinking about me.

Don’t be disheartened I find it off putting too, like who honestly needs that much attention 🤷‍♀️

But keep going and the right one will be there at some point. Just be yourself and date how you want to, and if someone else’s behaviour puts you off sack them off and move on 💐

Twelve 😂

We're thinking about you.

There is a rock on my sofa I can lob your way (my dog's pet rock).😘😘😘

This made me smile.
Thank you.
I'm being so daft right now. I lost my shit at the kids earlier because I just feel like im caring so much on my own.

And I think the Zaddy comment would give be the ick. Sorry

Unclear. He obviously thinks of himself as some kind of sexual dominant. He is doing this weird role play thing over message, suggesting I approach him nervously and tremblingly raise my eyes to his and so on.....It's the biggest ick imaginable! I am not encouraging this at all by the way, but I am sending non-commital responses just to see what he does next! I feel a kind of horrified fascination at the extent to which he clearly thinks he is devastatingly attractive and women will be swooning at his texts! (He is this absolutely ordinary looking mid 59s bloke by the way - balding, bit of a dad bod. Nothing wrong with any of that if one is also nice and sane and uses words that are actually words. But .....)

So THAT, ladies, is what a zaddy is. And a chalant. Or possibly someone who is chalant - I don't know if it's an adjective or a noun, and I don't think he does either.....

If the whole thing is ironic then he is actually hilarious and I would love to meet him.

Alas, I fear he is deadly serious.......

I love the fact that your pet has a pet. I love even more the fact that it's a rock ...

Does anyone remember Father Jack's pet brick? Probably showing my age there......

Thinking of you, lovely. Xxx

I feel in a surprisingly bouyant mood tonight. It's partly work based - I have started doing some tutoring as a bit of a side hustle, and it's going really well - I had my first session with a new tutee today and it was really enjoyable and the feedback from him and his mom (who was in the kitchen listening, bless her) was really positive. I have avoided tutoring previously as weirdly, despite the fact that I am happy teaching a group of 30, one-to-one has always felt slightly intimidating to me, and I have never thought I was very good at it. So it feels really empowering that it's going so well. (And the extra money will be a massive plus!)

FWB is coming over tomorrow night and I am looking forward to the sex and the company. And am seeing both of my closest platonic male friends soon, so I am kind of feeling good about the fact that, even though I am single, I can still enjoy male company, if that makes sense?

And I am actually quite enjoying the apps at the moment. I have a few dates lined up over half term +I will tell you more and give them names when I am less knackered. And even the idiots, like Zaddy, are amusing me rather than upsetting me.

I am going to really enjoy this feeling of positivity, as I know it won't last forever and there will be dips again in the future - I think I need to learn to relish the good times more, and remember how they feel, so that when my mood dips again I can remind myself it won't last forever .....

Good night, all you amazing women (and Me Flintsone if he's around ....) ! Xxx

This makes sense!

I'm an escaped chalk but still do tutoring and it's all the good bits with none of the bad (if the parents are annoying I can and do sack them!).

Sorry I’ve not caught up on the thread but wanted to say I met mr sweet. And blooming heck I just don’t fancy him. Which is a shame as he is lovely. I feel like I want to give him tips for the next Person he dates.

I have posted here before and read this thread each day and it has really helped me.
I became single, after 20 years, earlier in the summer and have been on such a dating rollercoaster! I am so much better now with boundaries, although still some work to do, and have much better self esteem than when I started. My issue has been being flattered after having ex who made me feel rubbish about myself. 8 people dated and now to be more selective 🤣 My new mantra is if it feels good carry on and if not stop...

@Reginablitzing Might attraction grow?

@Thiswillbefun it sounds a great mantra! Good to see you xxx

No unfortunately.
his clothes
his face
his baldness.
I know I sound very shallow.
I kept studying his face. Thinking could I ? But no I could not.
though when I first met ex I didn’t fancy him either. But we just clicked. And hung out together a lot as I’d see him after work on my way past. Whereas mr sweet is inaccessible really. More than an hour away to
my life and work.

Sounds like there’s nothing to work with there. Have you told him?

I’ve told him friends. I might use the distance as the excuse. I like to be able to have ad hoc options too. . But he did take my mind off ex for a couple hours.

This has made me laugh out loud at work.
I hope no one asks why. There’s students about and I don’t want to ick them out!

Not shallow at all.

Shallow is telling him 8 weeks in that he's not as good looking as your usual type.

(But like the Murphys...I'm not bitter 🍺)