The Dating Thread 64 - the leaves are falling, and so are the irons (at our feet, hopefully, and not gently binwards....)

[Ilovelurchers]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy!

• Be massively proud of yourself! Every boundary you put in place, big or small; every single iron you swipe left on, whatever your reasoning; every first date or fifteenth date you decide against pursuing..... These are all signs of how much you have learned to respect yourself, how far you have come, how you have finally realised that actually, remaining single a bit longer is hugely preferable to being with a partner who does not make you feel good about yourself. We all still make mistakes or errors of judgement occasionally - we are all still growing and learning - but every time you feel frustrated, just look at how far you have come, and how amazing you really are!

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Thanks Lurchers. It's the becoming smitten I want to avoid. I think I slept with Planes too soon, though maybe it was good he showed his lack of character quite soon.

Eta I'm not sure how I feel really. He's very keen, not sexually pushy like Planes but (ahem) I detected quite an impressive erection 😂 which doesn't put me off him 😁

I'm not sure how much depth he's capable of.

How are you feeling?

So, when I cancelled my date with Nerd he gave a one word response. He probably thinks I am lying, which I don't blame him for, and I can't be bothered to prove my veracity by sending him a photo of myself with a paper-white face and hot water bottle clutched to my stomach (cat crushed weirdly in behind me next to the sofa - looks very painful and she has no purr, but I assume she would move of she didn't like it).

I am wondering whether to cut my losses and leave it there. There are several others that I am chatting to who I like the sound of a fair bit more. One from Bumble, Mr Sunglasses, I have already arranged to meet next weekend. There are a few others on Bumble who seem OK and are hinting at dates already.

And Hinge has given me two real gems, Mr Cheese and Mr Cars. (Does anyone else find Hinge is lower on quantity but higher on quality?). No fixed date yet but again, both are hinting. I am suspicious that Cars might still live with his wife tho, so am awaiting his reply to this very question......

But anyway, I think I have enough irons in the fire that I can cheerfully leave Nerd to smoulder - after all he has already icked up, and I am not sure there is any coming back from that.

By the way, who was it who mentioned Hinge kept suggesting they ask people out after about a day of chatting? It has been doing the same to me, too! Ridiculous, given that the whole raison d'etre of Hinge is as a platform to chat to men before dating them! Kinda dangerous too, I reckon....

And in other other news, one of my Bumble irons has THE hottest fish pic! Truly. He has beautifully tattooed, muscular forearms, and is cradling this epic trout and gazing at it like he has just given birth to it....... I did tease him about it, and he replied that because he spends every weekend fishing, these are bascially the only pics he has. Then offered to send me one of him in a towel, which was a shame as he had been doing quite well up to that point .....

"Impressive erection"

Bit not sure how much depth he's capable of? Sounds like he might manage quite a good depth if he's that impressive 😉

DD is 11. Way too young for dirty dancing. Id forgotten the violence and abortion.

It was me that said about Hinge suggesting I ask someone out after a few messages.

Haha shame about the towel pic, though if you date Beered you get the real thing date three 😂

Did Mr Nerd show any concern over your illness? If not you know where to put him 🗑

😂 honestly he's a bit older than MrX, Planes and Beered but keeps fit so maybe he's the holy grail, a functional male 😁

Zero concern. I think the bin is calling - it wants its rubbish back!

Oh, and Mr Cars is still living with Mrs Cars, alas. Shame - he is lovely over text and has a lot of really cool interests I'd love to get to know more about.

Can someone just remind me that it's not feasible to date someone who is still living under the same roof as their ex? Or should I say "ex"?

I wouldn't touch cars with someone else's.

I know some of us here are separated not divorced and (I'm sure dating thoughtfully and in good faith).

For me though, there is too much potential for drama. Also (very sexist) I trust women to maintain clear boundaries more than I trust men.

I started dating when I was separated, but I had moved out (and I'd mentally begun the divorce process three years earlier). Dated someone who was 'separated' but living with his 'ex' wife - that was very early on in my OLD experience - same guy who kept on about kissing before we'd even met - nice introduction to Bumble 🙄As for Hinge @Ilovelurchers yes quality of men seems to be better - and by better I mean most of them are already divorced and genuinely looking for a relationship. I prefer it because I spend hardly any time on there compared to the other sites, which I've now all deleted. But the men do seem to be a little bit less exciting, if I'm honest - do you find the same?!

I feel better tonight. I think the anticipation and then the knowing he was here and waiting for it to be over weren't much worse than just getting on with my lifeneithout him.

Plus its work tomorrow, and an office day, so that's something to look forward to. There are very few weeks when I look forward to the weekend more than I look forward to going back to work on the Monday.

Thank you all for being there for me today. It really helped.

And if any of you happen to be based near Nottingham, Liverpool or Glasgow, let me know and we can go for a drink when I visit.

@Nosdacariad, @Chocolatefreakyou are both so right. I wouldn't worry at all really if someone was technically still married, as long as they were living apart (and the break up didn't happen yesterday). But living together is just so messy - obviously I feel very sorry for people who end up stuck in that situation for a long time - it must be very hard. But I have to look after myself first and foremost. Just too much scope for drama there. I will unmatch now to remove any temptation.....

So pleased you are feeling a bit better, lovely. And God, I wish we all lived in the same geographical area - I would absolutely love a night on the town with you amazing women! Xxx

So he hasn't hurt me yet but I don't know if I trust him but I could just be over cautious.

So the last time we texted I asked e him if he'd text me later as we'd just caught up after a period of no contact but he didn't end up texting that night so i thought ok that's fine.

Next day he texts saying sorry with a ridiculous excuse. I just didn't buy it so I didn't reply.

Then no contact for weeks until a few weeks ago when he sent me a job advert as he knows I'm looking for a new job. I replied thanks so much and he texted you're welcome. That's it. I know this all sounds very childish but I want to talk to him again because we could have something.

!!! 😂

Is this someone you have previously been involved with? I was just wondering what makes you feel that you may not be able to trust him - is this based on his prior behaviour or just an instinct you have? (These are often very valid to be fair!).

And how did you meet, and how long have you known each other?

I don't think there is anything in what you have described that would make it necessarily bad to text him - but equally he isn't showing strong signs of interest, just based on what you have said - but obviously you know him, and it sounds like you have reasons to think that he might be wanting a relationship with you? X

Ditto on this 😁

Morning all, I'm off work today and seeing tennis at lunchtime.

Hope you all have a blessed week, @ThreeMogsAndCounting enjoy work.

@Ilovelurchers I hope Mr Nerd doesn't get friction burns as he's slid gently binwards 😘😘😘

@Ilovelurchers Wow, a quality fish pic?! Who knew those existed! A shame about Mr Nerd and Cars but what can you do. I would definitely want anyone I date to be living apart from their ex (ideally with a decent amount of time in between if it’s been a long relationship).

I generally find Hinge and Bumble in this part of the world have fewer people (Hinge especially) but better quality. My theory is that Tinder is better known so just attracts more people full stop. People who are serious about dating are more likely to sign up for multiple apps - so more likely to be on the lesser known platforms.

Agree, having looked at a few, the same old pros keep turning up on all the apps.

Hmmm I just re-checked Mr West’s Bumble profile and it says he’s using travel mode and is now in Colombia. Guessing he could be away on holiday…?

Womdering if I should just unmatch him, or wait and see if he gets in touch…

This sounds promising, you and Tennis seem to be meeting regularly now. Do you feel like you are warming a little more to him?

An extract of the statement read out at my 'award' last week...
"ThreeMogs has been wonderful ever since she joined the team. She has a strong sense of team work which makes collaboration easy and brings creativity into everything we do. She injects fun and enthusiasm into every conversation, is open and supportive in many ways, and a real pleasure to work with."

🥹🥹🥹

This is brilliant!

Awww that’s so nice!! Amazing work!

Would you guys date someone who calls itself a "zaddy"? And "chalant"?

What does that even mean??

Yup after my experience with mr lamb who is still living with his ‘ex’ I wouldn’t go anywhere near it - I would date someone who is separated I think if they had moved out