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The Dating Thread 64 - the leaves are falling, and so are the irons (at our feet, hopefully, and not gently binwards....)

910 replies

Ilovelurchers · 04/10/2026 17:01

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy!

  • Be massively proud of yourself! Every boundary you put in place, big or small; every single iron you swipe left on, whatever your reasoning; every first date or fifteenth date you decide against pursuing..... These are all signs of how much you have learned to respect yourself, how far you have come, how you have finally realised that actually, remaining single a bit longer is hugely preferable to being with a partner who does not make you feel good about yourself. We all still make mistakes or errors of judgement occasionally - we are all still growing and learning - but every time you feel frustrated, just look at how far you have come, and how amazing you really are!

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

OP posts:
Nosdacariad · 16/10/2026 08:50

BoxOfCats · 15/10/2026 23:26

Forget “gently binwards” - send him flying!!

I called his bluff by saying if he couldn't decide I was happy to postpone, but ye gods! The hassle!

Kaltenzahn · 16/10/2026 09:12

ThreeMogsAndCounting · 15/10/2026 21:15

Well fuck
Apparently Tinder is where all the hot men are hiding out!

Don't yet used to it! They reel you in by showing you all the good profiles when you first make an account, after a couple of weeks you'll be back to seeing the same old gym photos and prison mugshots.

ThreeMogsAndCounting · 16/10/2026 09:38

Kaltenzahn · 16/10/2026 09:12

Don't yet used to it! They reel you in by showing you all the good profiles when you first make an account, after a couple of weeks you'll be back to seeing the same old gym photos and prison mugshots.

🤣🤣🤣

Well I've also matched with someone new on Hinge who's been quite keen. Good photos. Good messages. We'll see if it goes anywhere but since we've moved to whatsapp now he has earned a nickname so Mr Rugby it is.

How's everybody's Friday's looking? Anyone got anything exciting planned for the weekend? I have to argue with b&q over some untinted paint and eithet paint my sitting room or start excavating gravel from my front garden. Sigh.

Oh yes, and atay away from the house between 10 and 2 on Sunday. Which is making me feel... I dont know. Bad, but can't identify the specific bad.

AlwaysCarrieSATC · 16/10/2026 09:52

Nosdacariad · 16/10/2026 08:50

I called his bluff by saying if he couldn't decide I was happy to postpone, but ye gods! The hassle!

This sounds really annoying but maybe he is just a character that isn’t great at making decisions? (I would hate it though!)

AlwaysCarrieSATC · 16/10/2026 09:55

Date with Mr Christmas tonight which should be ok, Mr History sent me a message last night after a couple of days of quiet, I didn’t reply enthusiastically and we didn’t continue the conversation. We are supposed to meet on Monday but I think I’d rather stay in 😂 it’s a bit of a shame because I was excited when we reconnected but his messaging has been shite and I feel like he’s probably got a few people on the go

Lilaclane · 16/10/2026 11:31

Happy Friday, daters.

So I’ve just received my spare set of keys via recorded delivery from Mr Lax = great. But that petty man has included the keyring I bought him on one of our early dates as a joke gift. How mildly spiteful?! He’s 41 ffs.

@Ilovelurchers i hope you’ve managed to catch up on sleep and that your little upstart has been spoken to.

Nosdacariad · 16/10/2026 15:00

@Lilaclane if the keys are still attached that is just lack of awareness.

If they are separate then definitely spiteful 😘💐💐

Ilovelurchers · 16/10/2026 15:36

ThreeMogsAndCounting · 15/10/2026 18:42

Aww. I had a cross-business-unit function away day today (same function, four diff sister businesses). We do it three times a year.
I got voted team superstar and won a £50 one4all voucher, but the nice things that were read out about me were actually worth more to me. I nearly cried.

And now im home and I wanted to tell someone. Being recognised for my work and for my energy and joy and what I bring to the team as a person means so much. And yes. Fuck. Im crying now. But at least it"s (mostly) happy crying this time.

And i had a lovely chat on the train home with a random woman which I enjoyed.

That is awesome! So proud of you! Xxx

OP posts:
Ilovelurchers · 16/10/2026 15:36

Nosdacariad · 15/10/2026 20:51

Well, Tennis is being quite irritating.

He is apparently incapable of choosing a pub from a list of five.

My shoulders are round my ears. I don't care enough to...care.

Whereas that sounds really fucking annoying .....

OP posts:
Ilovelurchers · 16/10/2026 15:39

ThreeMogsAndCounting · 15/10/2026 21:15

Well fuck
Apparently Tinder is where all the hot men are hiding out!

I need to get back on the apps - maybe I should try Tinder. It's where I met FWB after all. And despite his somewhat problematic personality he is, and has always been, hotter than the sun.

And I need to meet someone I feel genuine desire for, I think.

OP posts:
ThreeMogsAndCounting · 16/10/2026 15:40

Ilovelurchers · 16/10/2026 15:39

I need to get back on the apps - maybe I should try Tinder. It's where I met FWB after all. And despite his somewhat problematic personality he is, and has always been, hotter than the sun.

And I need to meet someone I feel genuine desire for, I think.

Doooooo itttttt

Ilovelurchers · 16/10/2026 15:41

ThreeMogsAndCounting · 16/10/2026 09:38

🤣🤣🤣

Well I've also matched with someone new on Hinge who's been quite keen. Good photos. Good messages. We'll see if it goes anywhere but since we've moved to whatsapp now he has earned a nickname so Mr Rugby it is.

How's everybody's Friday's looking? Anyone got anything exciting planned for the weekend? I have to argue with b&q over some untinted paint and eithet paint my sitting room or start excavating gravel from my front garden. Sigh.

Oh yes, and atay away from the house between 10 and 2 on Sunday. Which is making me feel... I dont know. Bad, but can't identify the specific bad.

Nothing exciting planned here. Well I am going to the cinema with a friend on Sunday - that should be nice.

Feeling a bit low generally to be honest. Never mind, this too will pass.

OP posts:
Kaltenzahn · 16/10/2026 16:23

@Nosdacariad oh god, how tedious. I don't have the energy for indecisive men. Is he the type to be genuinely happy to go along with what you want or would he let you choose then grumble/pass judgement? If the latter I would be sending him swiftly binwards.

@ThreeMogsAndCounting brave of you to settle on that iron name for Mr Rugby - we've had quite a run of disappointing sports themed irons recently 😂 I hope he turns out to be the exception!

@Lilaclane petty bordering on spiteful. You're well rid of him.

Kaltenzahn · 16/10/2026 16:29

Oh and @ThreeMogsAndCounting congratulations on your work success, and all your DIY! Sounds like you're absolutely smashing it.

Nosdacariad · 16/10/2026 16:31

Ilovelurchers · 16/10/2026 15:41

Nothing exciting planned here. Well I am going to the cinema with a friend on Sunday - that should be nice.

Feeling a bit low generally to be honest. Never mind, this too will pass.

Sending love lovely lurchers.

Is Cricket in the 🗑?

Nosdacariad · 16/10/2026 16:33

Kaltenzahn · 16/10/2026 16:23

@Nosdacariad oh god, how tedious. I don't have the energy for indecisive men. Is he the type to be genuinely happy to go along with what you want or would he let you choose then grumble/pass judgement? If the latter I would be sending him swiftly binwards.

@ThreeMogsAndCounting brave of you to settle on that iron name for Mr Rugby - we've had quite a run of disappointing sports themed irons recently 😂 I hope he turns out to be the exception!

@Lilaclane petty bordering on spiteful. You're well rid of him.

It's hard to tell from text if it was indecisive or stubborn, but he jumped to it when I suggested postponement!

@ThreeMogsAndCounting I LOVE rugby but @Kaltenzahn is right that sporting names are inauspicious. Hope he bucks the trend.

Kaltenzahn · 16/10/2026 16:47

@Ilovelurchers I feel like Tinder gets a bad rap but I honestly got on with it better than any of the other apps I tried (although I think the apps in general aren't for me).

Ideally we would all meet our perfect partner out in the wild but that's so tricky nowadays!

Sorry you're feeling low Flowers I hope you have a lovely time with your friend this weekend!

Ilovelurchers · 16/10/2026 17:04

Nosdacariad · 16/10/2026 16:31

Sending love lovely lurchers.

Is Cricket in the 🗑?

Cricket is in some kind of pre-bin purgatory. I haven't formally binned him off yet, but he isn't messaging either so I reckon it's just fizzled out, to be honest......

OP posts:
Ilovelurchers · 16/10/2026 17:05

Nosdacariad · 16/10/2026 16:33

It's hard to tell from text if it was indecisive or stubborn, but he jumped to it when I suggested postponement!

@ThreeMogsAndCounting I LOVE rugby but @Kaltenzahn is right that sporting names are inauspicious. Hope he bucks the trend.

What are your feelings about Tennis overall, lovely? Do you see any future in it? I know it must be a struggle, after you fell so hard for Planescrash. Xxx

OP posts:
Ilovelurchers · 16/10/2026 18:44

So, a love life update:

Some of you may remember that I have had conflicted feelings about my dd's dad (we broke up about 10 years ago - remain very amicable and do lots of stuff as a family of 3) recently. And I had arranged to see him one on one while she is on a residential, to chat about it and get everything in the open.

He cancelled, pleading ill health. Which I honestly think gives me the answer I need - despite conflicting evidence, he clearly ISN'T interested in any kind of reconnection.

Lots of you advised caution anyway - quite rightly - because we broke up due to his cheating. So this probably is very much the best thing. Nontheless, has made me feel a little low, as I suppose I allowed myself to get carried away with ideas of how our life as a family might be ....

Anyway, I have pulled myself together tonight and started taking some steps towards cheering myself up/getting myself back in the game:

A) did a super-swipe on Bumble and have a few matches, including one very promising one, Mr Nerd, who is very much my type and who is being super-flattering (which I REALLY need right now).
B) I found an excuse to message the guy I have mentioned on here who I met in real life as he runs a hobby shop by DD likes - I will call him Mr Paint. I am being a little bit sneaky as I am using work as an excuse to contact him - and it may well lead to nothing romance-wise - but I just feel good about myself for going for it ....
C) FWB is back from France and he seems super keen to come over (which again is very flattering. My self esteem is fucking low right now and needs every positive it can get) and I have invited him over next week.
D) I have arranged to have my hair cut tomorrow. My hair dresser is a fucking genius. I can't fucking wait!

Sorry that is so long, everyone, and thank you all for listening. I bloody love you all! Xxx

OP posts:
Nosdacariad · 16/10/2026 18:45

Ilovelurchers · 16/10/2026 17:05

What are your feelings about Tennis overall, lovely? Do you see any future in it? I know it must be a struggle, after you fell so hard for Planescrash. Xxx

I don't really have any. I'm going out with him tomorrow night because he's picking me up and taking me out (he won't tell me where so could be anything!).

This will be date six and I don't feel I know him.

By now I had spent the night with planes and was (as the ex over the road called it) besotten.

Nosdacariad · 16/10/2026 18:49

Ilovelurchers · 16/10/2026 18:44

So, a love life update:

Some of you may remember that I have had conflicted feelings about my dd's dad (we broke up about 10 years ago - remain very amicable and do lots of stuff as a family of 3) recently. And I had arranged to see him one on one while she is on a residential, to chat about it and get everything in the open.

He cancelled, pleading ill health. Which I honestly think gives me the answer I need - despite conflicting evidence, he clearly ISN'T interested in any kind of reconnection.

Lots of you advised caution anyway - quite rightly - because we broke up due to his cheating. So this probably is very much the best thing. Nontheless, has made me feel a little low, as I suppose I allowed myself to get carried away with ideas of how our life as a family might be ....

Anyway, I have pulled myself together tonight and started taking some steps towards cheering myself up/getting myself back in the game:

A) did a super-swipe on Bumble and have a few matches, including one very promising one, Mr Nerd, who is very much my type and who is being super-flattering (which I REALLY need right now).
B) I found an excuse to message the guy I have mentioned on here who I met in real life as he runs a hobby shop by DD likes - I will call him Mr Paint. I am being a little bit sneaky as I am using work as an excuse to contact him - and it may well lead to nothing romance-wise - but I just feel good about myself for going for it ....
C) FWB is back from France and he seems super keen to come over (which again is very flattering. My self esteem is fucking low right now and needs every positive it can get) and I have invited him over next week.
D) I have arranged to have my hair cut tomorrow. My hair dresser is a fucking genius. I can't fucking wait!

Sorry that is so long, everyone, and thank you all for listening. I bloody love you all! Xxx

Great job getting back out there Lurchers.

Did ex know what the chat was about?

Pretty sure phones carry conversations (unless he was running to the loo every five minutes).

I think you've made a protective choice for you and your future self will thank you.

If I was your therapist (I'm not a therapist!) I might ask why you think a shady man is good enough for you 😘😘😘

Clarabella77 · 16/10/2026 18:50

Ilovelurchers · 16/10/2026 18:44

So, a love life update:

Some of you may remember that I have had conflicted feelings about my dd's dad (we broke up about 10 years ago - remain very amicable and do lots of stuff as a family of 3) recently. And I had arranged to see him one on one while she is on a residential, to chat about it and get everything in the open.

He cancelled, pleading ill health. Which I honestly think gives me the answer I need - despite conflicting evidence, he clearly ISN'T interested in any kind of reconnection.

Lots of you advised caution anyway - quite rightly - because we broke up due to his cheating. So this probably is very much the best thing. Nontheless, has made me feel a little low, as I suppose I allowed myself to get carried away with ideas of how our life as a family might be ....

Anyway, I have pulled myself together tonight and started taking some steps towards cheering myself up/getting myself back in the game:

A) did a super-swipe on Bumble and have a few matches, including one very promising one, Mr Nerd, who is very much my type and who is being super-flattering (which I REALLY need right now).
B) I found an excuse to message the guy I have mentioned on here who I met in real life as he runs a hobby shop by DD likes - I will call him Mr Paint. I am being a little bit sneaky as I am using work as an excuse to contact him - and it may well lead to nothing romance-wise - but I just feel good about myself for going for it ....
C) FWB is back from France and he seems super keen to come over (which again is very flattering. My self esteem is fucking low right now and needs every positive it can get) and I have invited him over next week.
D) I have arranged to have my hair cut tomorrow. My hair dresser is a fucking genius. I can't fucking wait!

Sorry that is so long, everyone, and thank you all for listening. I bloody love you all! Xxx

I love all these positive actions.

Good things are coming!

Ilovelurchers · 16/10/2026 19:50

Nosdacariad · 16/10/2026 18:49

Great job getting back out there Lurchers.

Did ex know what the chat was about?

Pretty sure phones carry conversations (unless he was running to the loo every five minutes).

I think you've made a protective choice for you and your future self will thank you.

If I was your therapist (I'm not a therapist!) I might ask why you think a shady man is good enough for you 😘😘😘

My therapist (well, life coach, but it's a similar thing) does indeed question this - you are quite right!

I think I have just allowed myself to have a stupid fantasy about this dream life we could have as a family - but it's sadly not realistic at all.

And this is a good wake-up call.

So I am getting back out there! No point in moping around..... There are so many men out there - surely one will be decent, attractive, and love me for who I am? Just need to keep looking........

Lota of love to you all, and thank you for listening . ❤️❤️❤️

OP posts:
Kaltenzahn · 16/10/2026 19:52

@Ilovelurchers good for you! I'm excited about Mr Paint - I love an iron in the wild! Even if it comes to nothing it's great that you've made that first step, I'd probably be too much of a wimp.