Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The Dating Thread 64 - the leaves are falling, and so are the irons (at our feet, hopefully, and not gently binwards....)

910 replies

Ilovelurchers · 04/10/2026 17:01

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy!

  • Be massively proud of yourself! Every boundary you put in place, big or small; every single iron you swipe left on, whatever your reasoning; every first date or fifteenth date you decide against pursuing..... These are all signs of how much you have learned to respect yourself, how far you have come, how you have finally realised that actually, remaining single a bit longer is hugely preferable to being with a partner who does not make you feel good about yourself. We all still make mistakes or errors of judgement occasionally - we are all still growing and learning - but every time you feel frustrated, just look at how far you have come, and how amazing you really are!

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

OP posts:
AlwaysCarrieSATC · 14/10/2026 20:15

Clarabella77 · 14/10/2026 20:09

This is me. 💯

I have stopped.

But I also think it is worth pushing through that feeling if you want to meet someone. Ultimately what we are doing is meeting up with strangers. It is hard to get excited about that. It is a leap of faith. It's hard for someone new to compete in with an easy, safe night on the sofa. I never regret the dates when I go. I always try to make sure I go somewhere interesting so it's not just about the person. I used to see it like going to the gym. It's the consistency that gets results but you always want to skip a session.

That’s such a good way of putting it!

im actually finding it quite refreshing because usually I care too much but now I’m secretly hoping for a night in to myself instead 😂

Thereisalight4 · 15/10/2026 12:55

Oh so date with with Mr Moon - admittedly after work after a bit of a stressful day - wasn’t great - he wasn’t unpleasant but I immediately thought no I don’t fancy you when I saw him and then conversation couldn’t really get a flow - I do think sometimes dating is a way for everyone to feel bad - I think he got that i wasn’t feeling it but not sure whether to message saying so . however have a date with mr Football on Saturday - this was also always more promising as he is nearer and the chat has been pretty funny at times so we will see - also have an ongoing situationship with mr lamb but after a nice meet up a couple of weeks ago he seems to be too busy to see me

Nosdacariad · 15/10/2026 14:11

Thereisalight4 · 15/10/2026 12:55

Oh so date with with Mr Moon - admittedly after work after a bit of a stressful day - wasn’t great - he wasn’t unpleasant but I immediately thought no I don’t fancy you when I saw him and then conversation couldn’t really get a flow - I do think sometimes dating is a way for everyone to feel bad - I think he got that i wasn’t feeling it but not sure whether to message saying so . however have a date with mr Football on Saturday - this was also always more promising as he is nearer and the chat has been pretty funny at times so we will see - also have an ongoing situationship with mr lamb but after a nice meet up a couple of weeks ago he seems to be too busy to see me

I would just leave it with Moon if you think he knows too 😁

comingintomyown · 15/10/2026 14:23

I’m going to be honest and admit occasionally I’m a quite wistful when I read about those of you with irons on the go. All the chats, banter and flirting and the weird stuff too, like totally bizarre profiles which beggar belief !

However I had a small reality check earlier when a random email from Ourtime landed with 4 profiles recommended. I haven’t received any emails or been online since Mr Chef and I took up 8 months ago. I’d forgotten that it would be disheartening to look at them and feel they were either unappealing or unsuitable for whatever reason. On a good day I didn’t care and might spend a while swiping in high spirits keeping going until I found a couple of guys to like/message but on a bad day I sometimes felt so lonely and as if I would never find someone substantial. I should add here being single at that point 16 years didn’t help. Seeing my “choices” today gave me a surge of gratitude for Mr Chef who I’m absolutely crazy about and I’m actually enjoying the relationship now I’m not obsessing over how little time we get.

I know it’s difficult for many reasons to keep heart when you just aren’t either getting dates or they aren’t progressing. It’s such a time consuming process, I dread to think how many wasted words were sent but from an almost scientific standpoint I mostly enjoyed it. At then rising 60 years old I got into a 4 month long text relationship with a much younger guy who was all “send me a pic” and it was a lot of fun. I sense some of you are a lot younger so would already have experienced that kind of thing in previous relationships ? I think my year messaging/dating was really positive for me getting back into the man game after such a long time

I was online dating fairly consistently for a year and put in a lot of effort I think so I didn’t just fall upon Mr Chef I’d put in the grind. I really hope all you lovelies and lurkers find someone to be with and one thing I know were Mr Chef and I to part company I would be back online in a shot ! If I am honest I would not be surprised if it goes that way but for now I want to be his partner in spite of everything ❤️

Ilovelurchers · 15/10/2026 15:50

Just checking in & thank you everyone for your support with my horrible work situation. I actually went to safeguarding in the end, as I felt that speaking to staff like that, especially publically, actually jeapordises the emotional and mental safety of staff. Luckily, the head of safeguarding was amazing, and it is being dealt with - so I feel a lot better now.

OP posts:
Thereisalight4 · 15/10/2026 16:17

comingintomyown · 15/10/2026 14:23

I’m going to be honest and admit occasionally I’m a quite wistful when I read about those of you with irons on the go. All the chats, banter and flirting and the weird stuff too, like totally bizarre profiles which beggar belief !

However I had a small reality check earlier when a random email from Ourtime landed with 4 profiles recommended. I haven’t received any emails or been online since Mr Chef and I took up 8 months ago. I’d forgotten that it would be disheartening to look at them and feel they were either unappealing or unsuitable for whatever reason. On a good day I didn’t care and might spend a while swiping in high spirits keeping going until I found a couple of guys to like/message but on a bad day I sometimes felt so lonely and as if I would never find someone substantial. I should add here being single at that point 16 years didn’t help. Seeing my “choices” today gave me a surge of gratitude for Mr Chef who I’m absolutely crazy about and I’m actually enjoying the relationship now I’m not obsessing over how little time we get.

I know it’s difficult for many reasons to keep heart when you just aren’t either getting dates or they aren’t progressing. It’s such a time consuming process, I dread to think how many wasted words were sent but from an almost scientific standpoint I mostly enjoyed it. At then rising 60 years old I got into a 4 month long text relationship with a much younger guy who was all “send me a pic” and it was a lot of fun. I sense some of you are a lot younger so would already have experienced that kind of thing in previous relationships ? I think my year messaging/dating was really positive for me getting back into the man game after such a long time

I was online dating fairly consistently for a year and put in a lot of effort I think so I didn’t just fall upon Mr Chef I’d put in the grind. I really hope all you lovelies and lurkers find someone to be with and one thing I know were Mr Chef and I to part company I would be back online in a shot ! If I am honest I would not be surprised if it goes that way but for now I want to be his partner in spite of everything ❤️

Yes I think this is a good reminder that is not a quick thing - can I ask did you move about apps or stuck to the same one?

comingintomyown · 15/10/2026 16:36

Ilovelurchers · 15/10/2026 15:50

Just checking in & thank you everyone for your support with my horrible work situation. I actually went to safeguarding in the end, as I felt that speaking to staff like that, especially publically, actually jeapordises the emotional and mental safety of staff. Luckily, the head of safeguarding was amazing, and it is being dealt with - so I feel a lot better now.

Well done it’s not always easy to stand up for yourself 💐

comingintomyown · 15/10/2026 16:38

@Thereisalight4 I stuck to Ourtime until the last month or so and then did Tinder where I met Mr Chef

ThreeMogsAndCounting · 15/10/2026 17:05

Proud of you @Ilovelurchers - look at you recognising your own worth in work as well as dating! W00t w00t!

And sharing an ig dating funny - don't worry, this is not my actual name.

www.instagram.com/p/DdynvWRo26g/?mdxt=NGZvN2kzMDB2eHFy

ThreeMogsAndCounting · 15/10/2026 17:10

comingintomyown · 15/10/2026 16:38

@Thereisalight4 I stuck to Ourtime until the last month or so and then did Tinder where I met Mr Chef

I thought Tinder was just for hook ups.

Technically Feeld should be a decent place for me to find like-minded men but it's been infiltrated by a bunch of creeps who think kinky=easy and I can't be doing with it.

Thereisalight4 · 15/10/2026 17:39

ThreeMogsAndCounting · 15/10/2026 17:10

I thought Tinder was just for hook ups.

Technically Feeld should be a decent place for me to find like-minded men but it's been infiltrated by a bunch of creeps who think kinky=easy and I can't be doing with it.

I don’t think Tinder is more for hookup than most of the sites - according to my ex boyfriend who was a LOT more kinky than me and mainly why we split up fabswingers is still a thing and he met his current GF on it - I met Mr Lamb on Feeld - I had just split up with Mr Kinky and thought I just wanted something casual - met mr lamb and turns I don’t really do casual anymore,’hence the situationship

Ilovelurchers · 15/10/2026 18:34

ThreeMogsAndCounting · 15/10/2026 17:05

Proud of you @Ilovelurchers - look at you recognising your own worth in work as well as dating! W00t w00t!

And sharing an ig dating funny - don't worry, this is not my actual name.

www.instagram.com/p/DdynvWRo26g/?mdxt=NGZvN2kzMDB2eHFy

That link is hilarious. And so true ....

OP posts:
Ilovelurchers · 15/10/2026 18:36

ThreeMogsAndCounting · 15/10/2026 17:10

I thought Tinder was just for hook ups.

Technically Feeld should be a decent place for me to find like-minded men but it's been infiltrated by a bunch of creeps who think kinky=easy and I can't be doing with it.

I met my ex, now FWB, on Tinder and we did actually have a committed relationship for 5 years. I don't think it's for hook ups more than any other site..... I know it has that reputation.

OP posts:
ThreeMogsAndCounting · 15/10/2026 18:42

Aww. I had a cross-business-unit function away day today (same function, four diff sister businesses). We do it three times a year.
I got voted team superstar and won a £50 one4all voucher, but the nice things that were read out about me were actually worth more to me. I nearly cried.

And now im home and I wanted to tell someone. Being recognised for my work and for my energy and joy and what I bring to the team as a person means so much. And yes. Fuck. Im crying now. But at least it"s (mostly) happy crying this time.

And i had a lovely chat on the train home with a random woman which I enjoyed.

BoxOfCats · 15/10/2026 18:51

Ilovelurchers · 15/10/2026 15:50

Just checking in & thank you everyone for your support with my horrible work situation. I actually went to safeguarding in the end, as I felt that speaking to staff like that, especially publically, actually jeapordises the emotional and mental safety of staff. Luckily, the head of safeguarding was amazing, and it is being dealt with - so I feel a lot better now.

Glad to hear it, sounds like that was the right call!

Nosdacariad · 15/10/2026 20:48

ThreeMogsAndCounting · 15/10/2026 18:42

Aww. I had a cross-business-unit function away day today (same function, four diff sister businesses). We do it three times a year.
I got voted team superstar and won a £50 one4all voucher, but the nice things that were read out about me were actually worth more to me. I nearly cried.

And now im home and I wanted to tell someone. Being recognised for my work and for my energy and joy and what I bring to the team as a person means so much. And yes. Fuck. Im crying now. But at least it"s (mostly) happy crying this time.

And i had a lovely chat on the train home with a random woman which I enjoyed.

Well done that's fabulous news and well deserved 🥂🍾💐

Nosdacariad · 15/10/2026 20:50

@Ilovelurchers great job and I hope the upstart gets told off.

@comingintomyown that was such a thoughtful post and I'm glad you're loved up 😘😘😘

Nosdacariad · 15/10/2026 20:51

Well, Tennis is being quite irritating.

He is apparently incapable of choosing a pub from a list of five.

My shoulders are round my ears. I don't care enough to...care.

ThreeMogsAndCounting · 15/10/2026 21:14

Nosdacariad · 15/10/2026 20:51

Well, Tennis is being quite irritating.

He is apparently incapable of choosing a pub from a list of five.

My shoulders are round my ears. I don't care enough to...care.

🗑?

ThreeMogsAndCounting · 15/10/2026 21:15

Well fuck
Apparently Tinder is where all the hot men are hiding out!

Nosdacariad · 15/10/2026 21:31

ThreeMogsAndCounting · 15/10/2026 21:14

🗑?

Probably.

ThreeMogsAndCounting · 15/10/2026 21:35

Nosdacariad · 15/10/2026 21:31

Probably.

Sorry Love 😔

Nosdacariad · 15/10/2026 22:00

ThreeMogsAndCounting · 15/10/2026 21:35

Sorry Love 😔

It's fine.

I'm not bothered 😁

Though he has finally made a decision.

BoxOfCats · 15/10/2026 23:25

ThreeMogsAndCounting · 15/10/2026 21:15

Well fuck
Apparently Tinder is where all the hot men are hiding out!

Haha not where I live! It’s pretty slim pickings… enjoy!!

BoxOfCats · 15/10/2026 23:26

Nosdacariad · 15/10/2026 20:51

Well, Tennis is being quite irritating.

He is apparently incapable of choosing a pub from a list of five.

My shoulders are round my ears. I don't care enough to...care.

Forget “gently binwards” - send him flying!!

Swipe left for the next trending thread