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The Dating Thread 64 - the leaves are falling, and so are the irons (at our feet, hopefully, and not gently binwards....)

910 replies

Ilovelurchers · 04/10/2026 17:01

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy!

  • Be massively proud of yourself! Every boundary you put in place, big or small; every single iron you swipe left on, whatever your reasoning; every first date or fifteenth date you decide against pursuing..... These are all signs of how much you have learned to respect yourself, how far you have come, how you have finally realised that actually, remaining single a bit longer is hugely preferable to being with a partner who does not make you feel good about yourself. We all still make mistakes or errors of judgement occasionally - we are all still growing and learning - but every time you feel frustrated, just look at how far you have come, and how amazing you really are!

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

OP posts:
BoxOfCats · 13/10/2026 21:32

@Kaltenzahn @Nosdacariad Thank you!!

@AlwaysCarrieSATC Absolutely ok! Go for it 🙂 Hope it goes well!

Nosdacariad · 13/10/2026 21:40

I'm definitely not looking but while all normal men were working this morning, Planes was posting sexist boomer jokes on fb and I am embarassed to have dated him. The only upside is no likes or comments. He just looks so bitter.

empirebiscuits12 · 13/10/2026 22:40

Nosdacariad · 13/10/2026 16:56

TBF I was in a pub in "his" village but I was going there ten years before he ever did so he can't keep it in the split 😂 also if he ever stayed out of the pub he wouldn't have seen me 😁

Surely it’s your pub, you claimed it long ago and he should find somewhere else to spend his (fiddled) benefits 😂

Nosdacariad · 13/10/2026 22:43

empirebiscuits12 · 13/10/2026 22:40

Surely it’s your pub, you claimed it long ago and he should find somewhere else to spend his (fiddled) benefits 😂

It was where me and late DH had our last anniversary 😟

The crap he's posting, he must be unraveling.

empirebiscuits12 · 13/10/2026 22:44

BoxOfCats · 13/10/2026 20:17

So Mr Charismatic hasn’t been in touch since last Friday. We often go a day, sometimes even a week between messaging, but I’d replied to him on Saturday and messaged again Monday and… no response. Not sure what is going on but it’s out of his usual pattern so I’m not feeling great about it.

Mr Bay asked if I’d bought anything on my trip - I mentioned a new sarong - he said he’d love to see a (pg rated) pic if I didn’t mind sending one. I got a very enthusiastic voice note in reply, telling me I look amazing. So that was nice. However I’m still on holiday, then he’s away for a week - so will be at least a couple of weeks before we can actually line up a meet in person…

Maybe Mr C doesn’t want to seem like a pest messaging a lot while you’re on holiday?

And hurrah for Mr Bay, you know how much we all adore getting complimented! Lap it all up, my love! I’m certain you completely deserve it 😍

empirebiscuits12 · 13/10/2026 22:45

AlwaysCarrieSATC · 13/10/2026 20:25

I have a date arranged with a new iron Mr Christmas this weekend. This is a new one for me because I’ve never arranged dates with more than one person at a time before? So I suppose I’m looking for a “that’s ok”

Yes I agree with the others that it’s okay to date more than one, so go for it!

empirebiscuits12 · 13/10/2026 22:46

Nosdacariad · 13/10/2026 21:40

I'm definitely not looking but while all normal men were working this morning, Planes was posting sexist boomer jokes on fb and I am embarassed to have dated him. The only upside is no likes or comments. He just looks so bitter.

Big.Fucking.Ick.

Just add that to your list to remind you of why you dumped his ass into the landfill!

empirebiscuits12 · 13/10/2026 22:48

Nosdacariad · 13/10/2026 22:43

It was where me and late DH had our last anniversary 😟

The crap he's posting, he must be unraveling.

Oh no, I just saw this. How horrible for you that this loser has invaded such a special place for you Flowers Please don’t let him blemish your precious memories x

Nosdacariad · 14/10/2026 00:43

empirebiscuits12 · 13/10/2026 22:48

Oh no, I just saw this. How horrible for you that this loser has invaded such a special place for you Flowers Please don’t let him blemish your precious memories x

Oh thank you 💐💐💐

ThreeMogsAndCounting · 14/10/2026 07:35

Well that was a crap night. After having the best time at my open mic and some really nice social interactions as well as a good response to my set i was just buzzing.

Then i cane home and the plumbing was making some loud banging noise, I thought the boiler was going to explode and I contacted BeardyEx for help.
He helped, remotely.
Then I was awake until 4 am crying my heart out.

How am I still this broken after over a year?

Nosdacariad · 14/10/2026 07:38

ThreeMogsAndCounting · 14/10/2026 07:35

Well that was a crap night. After having the best time at my open mic and some really nice social interactions as well as a good response to my set i was just buzzing.

Then i cane home and the plumbing was making some loud banging noise, I thought the boiler was going to explode and I contacted BeardyEx for help.
He helped, remotely.
Then I was awake until 4 am crying my heart out.

How am I still this broken after over a year?

Oh so sorry. It must feel horrible 💐💐💐

You had to deal with him at a very low ebb.

I hope you will feel a teensy bit better after some sleep, food, a warm drink.

How long before you can cease contact?

Have you done an ick list?

duckingclueless · 14/10/2026 07:39

ThreeMogsAndCounting · 14/10/2026 07:35

Well that was a crap night. After having the best time at my open mic and some really nice social interactions as well as a good response to my set i was just buzzing.

Then i cane home and the plumbing was making some loud banging noise, I thought the boiler was going to explode and I contacted BeardyEx for help.
He helped, remotely.
Then I was awake until 4 am crying my heart out.

How am I still this broken after over a year?

💐💐💐💐 Hope you’re ok and it’s sorted. Sounds like a great night. I’m sure we all have dips and crash back to square one. I do. But it happens less and less with time and I bounce back quicker and quicker. Is the open mic thing something you would have done with ex? I wouldn’t have done even 1/2 the things I’m doing now with mine. Good for you. That sounds like a hugely brave thing to do and sounds like to paid off! Onwards and upwards. ❤️

BoxOfCats · 14/10/2026 07:47

Nosdacariad · 13/10/2026 22:43

It was where me and late DH had our last anniversary 😟

The crap he's posting, he must be unraveling.

Sorry to hear that. Don’t let him ruin it for you. He doesn’t deserve the head space quite frankly.

BoxOfCats · 14/10/2026 07:48

ThreeMogsAndCounting · 14/10/2026 07:35

Well that was a crap night. After having the best time at my open mic and some really nice social interactions as well as a good response to my set i was just buzzing.

Then i cane home and the plumbing was making some loud banging noise, I thought the boiler was going to explode and I contacted BeardyEx for help.
He helped, remotely.
Then I was awake until 4 am crying my heart out.

How am I still this broken after over a year?

Oh so sorry to hear that. It just takes however long it takes to get over these things. Be kind to yourself 💐

BoxOfCats · 14/10/2026 07:52

empirebiscuits12 · 13/10/2026 22:44

Maybe Mr C doesn’t want to seem like a pest messaging a lot while you’re on holiday?

And hurrah for Mr Bay, you know how much we all adore getting complimented! Lap it all up, my love! I’m certain you completely deserve it 😍

Awww thank you!

Finally heard back from Mr C, who says he’s been slammed with work. He’s also off skiing again this weekend - it’s getting very close to the end of the season here so I understand why he might want to make the most of it, plus my mum is visiting me this weekend. Lord knows when I’ll actually see him next, it’s been a month already!

ThreeMogsAndCounting · 14/10/2026 08:07

duckingclueless · 14/10/2026 07:39

💐💐💐💐 Hope you’re ok and it’s sorted. Sounds like a great night. I’m sure we all have dips and crash back to square one. I do. But it happens less and less with time and I bounce back quicker and quicker. Is the open mic thing something you would have done with ex? I wouldn’t have done even 1/2 the things I’m doing now with mine. Good for you. That sounds like a hugely brave thing to do and sounds like to paid off! Onwards and upwards. ❤️

Thank you.

No, this is something I do entirely for me. Ive always written but only started performing this year. And I'm good. And I want someone to come home and share my success with. Someone to see how far I've come and be as proud of me as I am.

I just miss him.

I've tried making a list of his less good qualities but its not really...landing. it's not a long list. There was so much good.

empirebiscuits12 · 14/10/2026 09:07

ThreeMogsAndCounting · 14/10/2026 08:07

Thank you.

No, this is something I do entirely for me. Ive always written but only started performing this year. And I'm good. And I want someone to come home and share my success with. Someone to see how far I've come and be as proud of me as I am.

I just miss him.

I've tried making a list of his less good qualities but its not really...landing. it's not a long list. There was so much good.

Tell us about your successes! We’re all ears. Plus, we want to be remembered when you’re rich and famous, and off this thread because you’ve met a fantastic man who knows your worth and treats you as you deserve 🫶🏻

duckingclueless · 14/10/2026 10:01

Ooops gave my RL name. 🤦🏻‍♀️

duckingclueless · 14/10/2026 10:01

Wasn’t sure if I was allowed to share an insta post. It’s about the names we give men and definitely made me think of this thread 😂

Nosdacariad · 14/10/2026 10:59

I don't know any reasons not to x

Kaltenzahn · 14/10/2026 11:21

duckingclueless · 14/10/2026 10:01

Wasn’t sure if I was allowed to share an insta post. It’s about the names we give men and definitely made me think of this thread 😂

Do be careful as sharing Insta/FB posts from your own account can sometimes link back to your account 😬

comingintomyown · 14/10/2026 11:40

Hello to everyone I have been reading but after a funny few weeks I seem to have arrived at a sensible place in my mind with Mr Chef and feel ready to post.

For one reason or another I have only seen him maybe 3 times in the last month and I used this opportunity to dial down my crush on him. I have also been living up to my word on getting out and building a bigger life for myself, doing more and seeing friends more and it has made it easier to view my relationship proportionately.

We are now at 8 months together and after a serious chat we will now be spending some weekends together. Next weekend will be the first and I have been invited to a birthday drinks for a husband in my local friendship group and he will come along and meet them all in one fell swoop ! I told him I don’t intend dragging weekend dates out of him and I think what will be telling is how quickly he comes up with a second weekend without my asking.

When I read about ungrateful men not appreciating being cooked for by a hot hostess @Ilovelurchers or men serving frozen pizza @Nosdacariad or those in relationships where messages are exchanged WEEKLY @BoxOfCats (I know you are ok with that) I realise that Mr Chef is doing his best and for now that is enough.

I certainly can’t say, like was it @UmberSheep ? that my relationship is an inspiration to others but it’s making me happy but finally without all the limerence and endless ChatGPT advice 😂

Nosdacariad · 14/10/2026 11:48

@comingintomyown such a great update, thank you.

Please don't be a stranger and I hope meeting your mates goes well 😘😘😘

comingintomyown · 14/10/2026 12:13

Thank you @Nosdacariad I do struggle when I haven’t posted and then get behind and I never know where to start !

ThreeMogsAndCounting · 14/10/2026 12:31

empirebiscuits12 · 14/10/2026 09:07

Tell us about your successes! We’re all ears. Plus, we want to be remembered when you’re rich and famous, and off this thread because you’ve met a fantastic man who knows your worth and treats you as you deserve 🫶🏻

I wrote a silly nonsense piece, positioning a relationship as if it was a change programme and including as much corporate speak as I could. It got loud laughter and lots of people coming up afterwards and commenting appreciatively.
Another one about movi g house also gor some laughs, which is nice because I finished on a rather raw and pitiful piece so im glad I mixed it up. Funny is harder than emotive.

And last month I got asked to headline at a neighbouring open mic and actually gor some money for it 'to cover my petrol', but still, it was actuallmoney. I gor paid for my creative work and my performance. I am damn proud of that.

Im also doing bloody well at work. Just launched the organisation's first ever intranet which I built and populated by myself. It was a huge piece of work and so far has been received really well. I'm finding new ways to boost engagement and the leadership are all bought in. I feel successful and purposeful and I love my job.

I feel like me again, only better. I hate the thought that Beardy Ex's concept of me is the pre-HRT, pre-ADHD meds, mental health wreck I was last year rather than the incredible woman I am, again, now.

Mr Chef sounds like a decent sort. Have I missed some background where he's not been 100% what you want/need?

I've only had about 2 hours sleep, what with all the crying, so apologies if im a bit rambly.