Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The Dating Thread 64 - the leaves are falling, and so are the irons (at our feet, hopefully, and not gently binwards....)

910 replies

Ilovelurchers · 04/10/2026 17:01

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy!

  • Be massively proud of yourself! Every boundary you put in place, big or small; every single iron you swipe left on, whatever your reasoning; every first date or fifteenth date you decide against pursuing..... These are all signs of how much you have learned to respect yourself, how far you have come, how you have finally realised that actually, remaining single a bit longer is hugely preferable to being with a partner who does not make you feel good about yourself. We all still make mistakes or errors of judgement occasionally - we are all still growing and learning - but every time you feel frustrated, just look at how far you have come, and how amazing you really are!

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

OP posts:
Ilovelurchers · 12/10/2026 17:20

ThreeMogsAndCounting · 12/10/2026 16:53

Noted. Add more baked goods to my profile! 😆

Hinge is feeling a bit - deja vu all over again now.
Ive moved onto rightmove instead.

It wouldn't work on Mr Cricket, given he appeared entirely unimpressed by the fish Rogan josh, saaf paneer, pilau rice and naan bread I made him from scratch!!!!

Not that I am bitter or anything! (Actually he did say the bread was nice. Briefly, once).

Speaking of him, he has finally got round to replying and asked if I can go over to his on Tuesday instead of Wednesday, as he has aon thinr more pressing on it n Wednesday (cutting his toenails or rearranging his wheelie bins probably). Still no indication of what will be on offer on this "date" though a strong suspicion on my part that it's something that rhymes with "lock" and "dock"......

Shall I bin? I should bin, shouldn't I? Currently I am ignoring ......

Is there any chance I am being unfair on him? Be honest, please. Xxx

OP posts:
Clarabella77 · 12/10/2026 17:32

Ilovelurchers · 12/10/2026 17:20

It wouldn't work on Mr Cricket, given he appeared entirely unimpressed by the fish Rogan josh, saaf paneer, pilau rice and naan bread I made him from scratch!!!!

Not that I am bitter or anything! (Actually he did say the bread was nice. Briefly, once).

Speaking of him, he has finally got round to replying and asked if I can go over to his on Tuesday instead of Wednesday, as he has aon thinr more pressing on it n Wednesday (cutting his toenails or rearranging his wheelie bins probably). Still no indication of what will be on offer on this "date" though a strong suspicion on my part that it's something that rhymes with "lock" and "dock"......

Shall I bin? I should bin, shouldn't I? Currently I am ignoring ......

Is there any chance I am being unfair on him? Be honest, please. Xxx

I vote bin. You were starting to waiver on him anyway and his latest efforts don't really justify another chance. I think you are both incompatible with regards to what you expect in a relationship.

ThreeMogsAndCounting · 12/10/2026 17:46

Ilovelurchers · 12/10/2026 17:20

It wouldn't work on Mr Cricket, given he appeared entirely unimpressed by the fish Rogan josh, saaf paneer, pilau rice and naan bread I made him from scratch!!!!

Not that I am bitter or anything! (Actually he did say the bread was nice. Briefly, once).

Speaking of him, he has finally got round to replying and asked if I can go over to his on Tuesday instead of Wednesday, as he has aon thinr more pressing on it n Wednesday (cutting his toenails or rearranging his wheelie bins probably). Still no indication of what will be on offer on this "date" though a strong suspicion on my part that it's something that rhymes with "lock" and "dock"......

Shall I bin? I should bin, shouldn't I? Currently I am ignoring ......

Is there any chance I am being unfair on him? Be honest, please. Xxx

"Oh that's a shame. Im doing something more pressing all week now. Too bad"

Bin him.
You know you deserve more than this.

empirebiscuits12 · 12/10/2026 17:50

Welcome to all the newbies who’ve joined over the weekend! This is a fabulous corner of the internet, really invaluable advice ☺️

I loved reading the exercise on the lists of positives, great idea!

@Ilovelurchersi hate to say, but it’s time for Cricket to join the overflowing bin filled with all our rejects.

Ive been laying low for a few days and don’t have much to update on. Mr Handy (went on a coffee date recently) is in the bin. His chat was really boring and he kept talking about tea. How much he loved it, how many cups I drink in a day, telling me he was having his last cup of the day. One night last week I’d replied to him asking what I’d done with my evening….said I’d been getting Halloween decorations out the loft. Opened a message the next morning and it was a photo of him lying back in bed in a pair of tiny boxers with his eyes closed. Caption was “trick or treat”. Immediate ICK!! Yes, he is appealing to look at, yes he had a six pack. But once again I got the feeling he thought I should be feeling lucky 🤢 He went from zero to 100 with nothing in between. He had never given me any type of compliment but obviously thought I should be swooning at his feet. Binned!

Hot PT - I’ve not heard from him since I last messaged on Wednesday. I’d basically put the ball back in his court, but he’s clearly not up for casual. And I actually respect that. Seems like he’s focused on finding a LT relationship with potential, which is fair.

Ive had a few swipe sessions but nobody has peaked my interest.

ThreeMogsAndCounting · 12/10/2026 18:12

empirebiscuits12 · 12/10/2026 17:50

Welcome to all the newbies who’ve joined over the weekend! This is a fabulous corner of the internet, really invaluable advice ☺️

I loved reading the exercise on the lists of positives, great idea!

@Ilovelurchersi hate to say, but it’s time for Cricket to join the overflowing bin filled with all our rejects.

Ive been laying low for a few days and don’t have much to update on. Mr Handy (went on a coffee date recently) is in the bin. His chat was really boring and he kept talking about tea. How much he loved it, how many cups I drink in a day, telling me he was having his last cup of the day. One night last week I’d replied to him asking what I’d done with my evening….said I’d been getting Halloween decorations out the loft. Opened a message the next morning and it was a photo of him lying back in bed in a pair of tiny boxers with his eyes closed. Caption was “trick or treat”. Immediate ICK!! Yes, he is appealing to look at, yes he had a six pack. But once again I got the feeling he thought I should be feeling lucky 🤢 He went from zero to 100 with nothing in between. He had never given me any type of compliment but obviously thought I should be swooning at his feet. Binned!

Hot PT - I’ve not heard from him since I last messaged on Wednesday. I’d basically put the ball back in his court, but he’s clearly not up for casual. And I actually respect that. Seems like he’s focused on finding a LT relationship with potential, which is fair.

Ive had a few swipe sessions but nobody has peaked my interest.

Eww eww eww!

MrFlintstone · 12/10/2026 18:23

Ilovelurchers · 12/10/2026 17:20

It wouldn't work on Mr Cricket, given he appeared entirely unimpressed by the fish Rogan josh, saaf paneer, pilau rice and naan bread I made him from scratch!!!!

Not that I am bitter or anything! (Actually he did say the bread was nice. Briefly, once).

Speaking of him, he has finally got round to replying and asked if I can go over to his on Tuesday instead of Wednesday, as he has aon thinr more pressing on it n Wednesday (cutting his toenails or rearranging his wheelie bins probably). Still no indication of what will be on offer on this "date" though a strong suspicion on my part that it's something that rhymes with "lock" and "dock"......

Shall I bin? I should bin, shouldn't I? Currently I am ignoring ......

Is there any chance I am being unfair on him? Be honest, please. Xxx

You are being unfair on yourself, by even thinking of another date with him.
Block and delete, hold head high and don't look back.

MrFlintstone · 12/10/2026 18:27

Oh, on the jobs front, im involved in building refurbishment.

Nosdacariad · 12/10/2026 18:49

ThreeMogsAndCounting · 12/10/2026 16:53

Noted. Add more baked goods to my profile! 😆

Hinge is feeling a bit - deja vu all over again now.
Ive moved onto rightmove instead.

I'm howling at this 😁

Nosdacariad · 12/10/2026 18:51

Ilovelurchers · 12/10/2026 17:20

It wouldn't work on Mr Cricket, given he appeared entirely unimpressed by the fish Rogan josh, saaf paneer, pilau rice and naan bread I made him from scratch!!!!

Not that I am bitter or anything! (Actually he did say the bread was nice. Briefly, once).

Speaking of him, he has finally got round to replying and asked if I can go over to his on Tuesday instead of Wednesday, as he has aon thinr more pressing on it n Wednesday (cutting his toenails or rearranging his wheelie bins probably). Still no indication of what will be on offer on this "date" though a strong suspicion on my part that it's something that rhymes with "lock" and "dock"......

Shall I bin? I should bin, shouldn't I? Currently I am ignoring ......

Is there any chance I am being unfair on him? Be honest, please. Xxx

Send him a message that says

"So sorry haha we have crossed wires, I thought you were asking me OUT on a DATE"

Then block the bugger. You are not being unfair.

ThreeMogsAndCounting · 12/10/2026 18:52

Nosdacariad · 12/10/2026 18:49

I'm howling at this 😁

Chatgpt and I have been arguing over whether a grade 2 listed house is worth the building restrictions and how non negotiable an en suite is.

It feels marginally less futile than whether a fish photo is a deal breaker or not 😏

Nosdacariad · 12/10/2026 18:56

@empirebiscuits12 ☕️this reminds me of the youtube vid on why consent is like a cup of tea which TBH some of these irons should read.

I've been having a chat with a loser iron who is looking for a LTR on Tinder but is just explaining to me how he doesn't want to get into anything serious.

🗑 overflowing.

ThreeMogsAndCounting · 12/10/2026 19:22

My friend recently matched with a guy who wanted something casual, but also wanted her to be monogamous (to be clear she is currently in her post-divorce shagging around phase and trying to fill her dance card with as many men as she can). She laughed him out of her inbox.

AlwaysCarrieSATC · 12/10/2026 20:07

I have a new iron Mr History, date arranged for next week so we will see. I hate when a date is a week away 😬 don’t know why really think it’s just the waiting game.

How do you all feel about messages before a first date? We arranged the date within a day of messaging but now his messaging has tapered off (it’s only been 3 days since we matched but nothing from him today)

I feel like a mid week and then weekend check in would be ok?

Nosdacariad · 12/10/2026 20:08

AlwaysCarrieSATC · 12/10/2026 20:07

I have a new iron Mr History, date arranged for next week so we will see. I hate when a date is a week away 😬 don’t know why really think it’s just the waiting game.

How do you all feel about messages before a first date? We arranged the date within a day of messaging but now his messaging has tapered off (it’s only been 3 days since we matched but nothing from him today)

I feel like a mid week and then weekend check in would be ok?

I'm in the liking messages camp and I think messaging should be consistent up to the date 😁

AlwaysCarrieSATC · 12/10/2026 20:10

Nosdacariad · 12/10/2026 20:08

I'm in the liking messages camp and I think messaging should be consistent up to the date 😁

Glad it’s not just me! Not hearing at all today has left me a bit unsure 🧐

Nosdacariad · 12/10/2026 20:33

AlwaysCarrieSATC · 12/10/2026 20:10

Glad it’s not just me! Not hearing at all today has left me a bit unsure 🧐

It might be all good, though I have had a few fade out before the date.

The main thing is sensible confirmation.

Do you have a time & place?

AlwaysCarrieSATC · 12/10/2026 20:36

Nosdacariad · 12/10/2026 20:33

It might be all good, though I have had a few fade out before the date.

The main thing is sensible confirmation.

Do you have a time & place?

Yes day, time and place are all sorted so we will see, but I do like consistent communication so guess it’s one to watch. I actually met him for a couple of dates a couple of years ago but was bad timing so I didn’t continue then. Maybe he thinks I might be flaky 🤷‍♀️

Nosdacariad · 12/10/2026 20:43

AlwaysCarrieSATC · 12/10/2026 20:36

Yes day, time and place are all sorted so we will see, but I do like consistent communication so guess it’s one to watch. I actually met him for a couple of dates a couple of years ago but was bad timing so I didn’t continue then. Maybe he thinks I might be flaky 🤷‍♀️

Oh that's a blast from the past then!

Ilovelurchers · 12/10/2026 21:30

AlwaysCarrieSATC · 12/10/2026 20:07

I have a new iron Mr History, date arranged for next week so we will see. I hate when a date is a week away 😬 don’t know why really think it’s just the waiting game.

How do you all feel about messages before a first date? We arranged the date within a day of messaging but now his messaging has tapered off (it’s only been 3 days since we matched but nothing from him today)

I feel like a mid week and then weekend check in would be ok?

Ooh, good work - what kind of date is it?

I know quite a few people tail off with messaging a bit once the date has been booked in. For me that's not a red flag, but I prefer it if there is some messaging at least, so that I know for sure they haven't just changed their mind and ghosted (I have had that happen a few times too).

OP posts:
Ilovelurchers · 12/10/2026 21:32

empirebiscuits12 · 12/10/2026 17:50

Welcome to all the newbies who’ve joined over the weekend! This is a fabulous corner of the internet, really invaluable advice ☺️

I loved reading the exercise on the lists of positives, great idea!

@Ilovelurchersi hate to say, but it’s time for Cricket to join the overflowing bin filled with all our rejects.

Ive been laying low for a few days and don’t have much to update on. Mr Handy (went on a coffee date recently) is in the bin. His chat was really boring and he kept talking about tea. How much he loved it, how many cups I drink in a day, telling me he was having his last cup of the day. One night last week I’d replied to him asking what I’d done with my evening….said I’d been getting Halloween decorations out the loft. Opened a message the next morning and it was a photo of him lying back in bed in a pair of tiny boxers with his eyes closed. Caption was “trick or treat”. Immediate ICK!! Yes, he is appealing to look at, yes he had a six pack. But once again I got the feeling he thought I should be feeling lucky 🤢 He went from zero to 100 with nothing in between. He had never given me any type of compliment but obviously thought I should be swooning at his feet. Binned!

Hot PT - I’ve not heard from him since I last messaged on Wednesday. I’d basically put the ball back in his court, but he’s clearly not up for casual. And I actually respect that. Seems like he’s focused on finding a LT relationship with potential, which is fair.

Ive had a few swipe sessions but nobody has peaked my interest.

We are going to need a bigger bin at this rate! Some kind of cast industrial land fill site I think. Perhaps we need to look to find a way of recycling them? All this binning can't be good for the planet! 🤣

OP posts:
Ilovelurchers · 12/10/2026 21:36

Thanks everyone for your advice and support on Crikext.

I feel a bit sad as there was strong compatability in some ways & our conversations were really good.

But I am just not getting any sense that he particularly likes/fancies me, or that he is making any effort really ...

I really tried so hard with the last date. If he can't reciprocate that that really does tell me everything I need to know about his feelings towards me, I guess.

OP posts:
Nosdacariad · 12/10/2026 21:40

Ilovelurchers · 12/10/2026 21:32

We are going to need a bigger bin at this rate! Some kind of cast industrial land fill site I think. Perhaps we need to look to find a way of recycling them? All this binning can't be good for the planet! 🤣

Soylent green anyone?

JK - it would taste bitter and like used kleenex🤮

Nosdacariad · 12/10/2026 21:42

Ilovelurchers · 12/10/2026 21:36

Thanks everyone for your advice and support on Crikext.

I feel a bit sad as there was strong compatability in some ways & our conversations were really good.

But I am just not getting any sense that he particularly likes/fancies me, or that he is making any effort really ...

I really tried so hard with the last date. If he can't reciprocate that that really does tell me everything I need to know about his feelings towards me, I guess.

Sorry @Ilovelurchers

He sounds like a wet lettuce.

Just blocked a guy pretending to be a "lawyer" when he isn't. Some of the fibs even my dogs wouldn't believe.

ThreeMogsAndCounting · 12/10/2026 22:00

Even my 14 year old could work out why 'probably won't kill you' wasn't a smart thing to say in s dating app. How is s grown adult man more stupid than my daydreamy goof of a teenager?

ThreeMogsAndCounting · 12/10/2026 22:02

Nosdacariad · 12/10/2026 21:42

Sorry @Ilovelurchers

He sounds like a wet lettuce.

Just blocked a guy pretending to be a "lawyer" when he isn't. Some of the fibs even my dogs wouldn't believe.

Like...?
Don't just explain the stupid. Demo it!