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The Dating Thread 64 - the leaves are falling, and so are the irons (at our feet, hopefully, and not gently binwards....)

910 replies

Ilovelurchers · 04/10/2026 17:01

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy!

  • Be massively proud of yourself! Every boundary you put in place, big or small; every single iron you swipe left on, whatever your reasoning; every first date or fifteenth date you decide against pursuing..... These are all signs of how much you have learned to respect yourself, how far you have come, how you have finally realised that actually, remaining single a bit longer is hugely preferable to being with a partner who does not make you feel good about yourself. We all still make mistakes or errors of judgement occasionally - we are all still growing and learning - but every time you feel frustrated, just look at how far you have come, and how amazing you really are!

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

OP posts:
CleanShirt · 11/10/2026 21:36

Ilovelurchers · 11/10/2026 21:34

My mind went straight to drugs or BDSM!

You obviously don't have to tell us. Hope it's something you can work around. Or if you can't, I hope you can make peace with moving on....

I guess at least you know, now. Only the truth can set us free .....

Let's just say I'd prefer BDSM!

I'm a very open minded, live and let live person but my life / job means I can't be as open minded as I'd like.

Cryptic I know but hope that's enough 😀

ChatGPT has been in overdrive with me for the last few days 🫠

BoxOfCats · 11/10/2026 21:54

ThreeMogsAndCounting · 11/10/2026 20:57

You're so right. Its especially challenging because I'm the only person who does what I do at my org and ive just launched a new project that's still got bugs to be worked out and content to be added and i bloody love my job and the people I work with and I actually look forward to working, but not if I'm struggling like I am today. Fingers crossed I'll get a good night and wake up feeling better. I can at leastnpace myself and take it slow if I'm wfh. Not so much if I have to take into central London.

So. Now im curious. In broad terms. What do you all do for work?
I'm in communications, currently at an international org.

I’m an innovation specialist in the food and drink industry. Basically work for global companies identifying opportunities for new brands / products that will meet the latest trends, and the whole process of getting them from being an idea on paper to a food or drink brand/product that you can buy in a supermarket, bar, etc.

Nosdacariad · 11/10/2026 22:00

BoxOfCats · 11/10/2026 21:54

I’m an innovation specialist in the food and drink industry. Basically work for global companies identifying opportunities for new brands / products that will meet the latest trends, and the whole process of getting them from being an idea on paper to a food or drink brand/product that you can buy in a supermarket, bar, etc.

My job is food related 😁

ThreeMogsAndCounting · 11/10/2026 22:04

BoxOfCats · 11/10/2026 21:54

I’m an innovation specialist in the food and drink industry. Basically work for global companies identifying opportunities for new brands / products that will meet the latest trends, and the whole process of getting them from being an idea on paper to a food or drink brand/product that you can buy in a supermarket, bar, etc.

That's pretty cool. I love finding out abut jobs in didn't even know were a thing.
What's been one of your biggest successes?

And @CleanShirt what the hell would we do without AI? I would genuinely be in way more of a mess all round without it. Wishing you a clear head as well as a clean shirt and if you can ever tell us what the lifestyle thing is, just know that - like my cats - curiosity may kill me one day so I will never not want to know 😆 (sorry. Been there, done that with relationship incompatibility and I know its not funny to live through. It was ENM/poly in my case. Just couldn't do it.)

Reginablitzing · 11/10/2026 22:45

CleanShirt · 11/10/2026 20:51

@Ilovelurchers eurgh, I'm so sorry. What a disappointment. To use your wonderful phrase, you are the prize, and fuck him if he can't put effort in and see that.

Also 4th date - don't give it a second thought!! I'd say that's absolutely fine.

@Reginablitzing I had EMDR last year and it changed my life. Stick with it x

Been trying to catch up and sending love to all.

Oh really hope I get the same results. I’ve live d with my anxiety for such a long time. I want to be free of it.
Thanks for sharing that and giving me hope x

Reginablitzing · 11/10/2026 22:47

BoxOfCats · 11/10/2026 21:54

I’m an innovation specialist in the food and drink industry. Basically work for global companies identifying opportunities for new brands / products that will meet the latest trends, and the whole process of getting them from being an idea on paper to a food or drink brand/product that you can buy in a supermarket, bar, etc.

This is fascinating!!

im a careers adviser and lice finding out about careers I didn’t know about.

ThreeMogsAndCounting · 11/10/2026 23:08

Reginablitzing · 11/10/2026 22:45

Oh really hope I get the same results. I’ve live d with my anxiety for such a long time. I want to be free of it.
Thanks for sharing that and giving me hope x

It was transformative for me both times Ive had it.
It helps me get out of my own way to work through the trauma.

Reginablitzing · 11/10/2026 23:18

ThreeMogsAndCounting · 11/10/2026 23:08

It was transformative for me both times Ive had it.
It helps me get out of my own way to work through the trauma.

More hope!

I have my session on Thursday. So we start in my first trauma then. He reckons 5 sessions for this one trauma maybe more. But it’s the significant one and hopefully the biggest impact.

ThreeMogsAndCounting · 11/10/2026 23:39

Reginablitzing · 11/10/2026 23:18

More hope!

I have my session on Thursday. So we start in my first trauma then. He reckons 5 sessions for this one trauma maybe more. But it’s the significant one and hopefully the biggest impact.

Its helpful to think of it like kicking a log out of the way of a blocked river. The first sessions of emdr, once it starts (they'd a decent bit of prep work to do first. Not sure where you are with it) make a big immediate difference. It can leave you feeling a bit raw for a day or two, but your brain will continue to process in the background, so its not just during therapy sessions that it's working. You may have vivid dreams, too, that's all part of it, but it does help quite quickly to deal with the big blockage and then its moving smaller bits out of the way so the river can flow freely/processing can happen normally.

Reginablitzing · 11/10/2026 23:56

ThreeMogsAndCounting · 11/10/2026 23:39

Its helpful to think of it like kicking a log out of the way of a blocked river. The first sessions of emdr, once it starts (they'd a decent bit of prep work to do first. Not sure where you are with it) make a big immediate difference. It can leave you feeling a bit raw for a day or two, but your brain will continue to process in the background, so its not just during therapy sessions that it's working. You may have vivid dreams, too, that's all part of it, but it does help quite quickly to deal with the big blockage and then its moving smaller bits out of the way so the river can flow freely/processing can happen normally.

Yes the therapist described the logs to me and what happens after. Also about order logs coming to the surface. As I have a complete blank in my memory. We have done all the time lines and ratings and prep. So now we are going in. I’m excited hopeful and scared. And worried. What if it doesn’t work. But everyone’s experiences of it make me hopeful.

KittyKhamun · 12/10/2026 00:45

Hi, just wanted to join please - I've lurked for a little while and been in awe tbh - with how clearly and decisively some of you ladies can navigate men and relationships.
I don't think I'm in the right head space to be dating anyone yet, but I really love listening to how you all spot red flags and genuine beautiful moments too.
I've completed the freedom programme twice, but I still keep making poor relationship choices.
Awaiting emdr hopefully via talking therapies.
I just wanted to say that I appreciate hearing everyone's voices, because it reminds me that I might sort myself out and be one day meeting men and maybe a partner again one day.
Just saying that your thread gives me hope.
Thank you

BoxOfCats · 12/10/2026 03:01

Reginablitzing · 11/10/2026 22:47

This is fascinating!!

im a careers adviser and lice finding out about careers I didn’t know about.

Haha yep it’s super niche! On the plus side it usually makes a good talking point on dates. The company I currently work for has a lot of very cool brands that most people have heard of.

Nosdacariad · 12/10/2026 03:02

@KittyKhamun welcome ♥️💙♥️

BoxOfCats · 12/10/2026 03:07

ThreeMogsAndCounting · 11/10/2026 22:04

That's pretty cool. I love finding out abut jobs in didn't even know were a thing.
What's been one of your biggest successes?

And @CleanShirt what the hell would we do without AI? I would genuinely be in way more of a mess all round without it. Wishing you a clear head as well as a clean shirt and if you can ever tell us what the lifestyle thing is, just know that - like my cats - curiosity may kill me one day so I will never not want to know 😆 (sorry. Been there, done that with relationship incompatibility and I know its not funny to live through. It was ENM/poly in my case. Just couldn't do it.)

I wish I could tell you without outing myself! I worked in the UK for a number of years, and have worked on creating new products for brands that are household names there. When I’m out, I often see people buying / drinking things I have helped create - I often want to ask them if they’re enjoying them (but don’t because that would be creepy!).

Ilovelurchers · 12/10/2026 07:48

KittyKhamun · 12/10/2026 00:45

Hi, just wanted to join please - I've lurked for a little while and been in awe tbh - with how clearly and decisively some of you ladies can navigate men and relationships.
I don't think I'm in the right head space to be dating anyone yet, but I really love listening to how you all spot red flags and genuine beautiful moments too.
I've completed the freedom programme twice, but I still keep making poor relationship choices.
Awaiting emdr hopefully via talking therapies.
I just wanted to say that I appreciate hearing everyone's voices, because it reminds me that I might sort myself out and be one day meeting men and maybe a partner again one day.
Just saying that your thread gives me hope.
Thank you

Thank you so much - what a lovely post. I am so pleased we give you hope!

My view on healing is that it's never really finished, but it is possible to make huge leaps forward over time. And in the meantime, be so kind to yourself! Xxx

OP posts:
ThreeMogsAndCounting · 12/10/2026 11:07

Do men really not read their profiles before posting them? Do they have zero concept of what women are scanning for? I assume this guy on Hinge (details cropped out hopefully) was trying to be funny but its so tone deaf I almost wanted to like him so I could send him a message and point it out ..

The Dating Thread 64 - the leaves are falling, and so are the irons (at our feet, hopefully, and not gently binwards....)
AlwaysCarrieSATC · 12/10/2026 11:44

KittyKhamun · 12/10/2026 00:45

Hi, just wanted to join please - I've lurked for a little while and been in awe tbh - with how clearly and decisively some of you ladies can navigate men and relationships.
I don't think I'm in the right head space to be dating anyone yet, but I really love listening to how you all spot red flags and genuine beautiful moments too.
I've completed the freedom programme twice, but I still keep making poor relationship choices.
Awaiting emdr hopefully via talking therapies.
I just wanted to say that I appreciate hearing everyone's voices, because it reminds me that I might sort myself out and be one day meeting men and maybe a partner again one day.
Just saying that your thread gives me hope.
Thank you

Welcome lovely 🥂

AlwaysCarrieSATC · 12/10/2026 11:45

ThreeMogsAndCounting · 12/10/2026 11:07

Do men really not read their profiles before posting them? Do they have zero concept of what women are scanning for? I assume this guy on Hinge (details cropped out hopefully) was trying to be funny but its so tone deaf I almost wanted to like him so I could send him a message and point it out ..

This made me laugh 😂
I saw one yesterday that said “The way to win me over is by not being a dick” 🤯

ThreeMogsAndCounting · 12/10/2026 11:55

AlwaysCarrieSATC · 12/10/2026 11:45

This made me laugh 😂
I saw one yesterday that said “The way to win me over is by not being a dick” 🤯

"Probably won't kill you"????
Seriously, dude...

And don't be a dick seems a low bar to have to clear. Not that picky it would seem!

AlwaysCarrieSATC · 12/10/2026 11:58

ThreeMogsAndCounting · 12/10/2026 11:55

"Probably won't kill you"????
Seriously, dude...

And don't be a dick seems a low bar to have to clear. Not that picky it would seem!

It is mind blowing, no wonder they are single! I’m more concerned if they actually do get any swipes because then who is actually liking that stuff.

Clarabella77 · 12/10/2026 14:16

AlwaysCarrieSATC · 12/10/2026 11:45

This made me laugh 😂
I saw one yesterday that said “The way to win me over is by not being a dick” 🤯

I have seen that line a few times. 😅

And yip, a lot of men would benefit from a third party glancing over their profile before hitting send.

The bragging about being sarcasm always baffles me. It makes me think they like to cover up nastiness with humour (and I can be a sarky bitch when you get to know me, but it's hardly my most attractive quality!)

Nosdacariad · 12/10/2026 15:44

Sarcasm in men is linked to abuse according to Burned Haystack.

Thereisalight4 · 12/10/2026 16:51

Hi all so update went in hinge did a fairly limited profile - however have good some nice chats and a date arranged for Wednesday - that is Mr Moon - he is nice but quite a long way way - hoping to arrange a date with mr Football who is nearer - incidentally I put up a picture of a cake I baked and that has made a good talking point

ThreeMogsAndCounting · 12/10/2026 16:53

Noted. Add more baked goods to my profile! 😆

Hinge is feeling a bit - deja vu all over again now.
Ive moved onto rightmove instead.