Date tried to put a hood on me during sex

[solosunflowers]

I've been trying to date and honestly not had the best time so far.

I don't get a lot of free time because I'm a solo parent to my son.
So I went on a date recently. It was a low pressure walk (my suggestion). It went really well and we hit it off a lot better than expected. The only thing was that he made reference to being interested in the D/s dynamic. Can't remember how the conversation came up. I didn't make much of it because that is something I can enjoy, but didn't want to discuss at that point.

So second date we were at his house. He kisses me and things get heated. We're about to have sex and he gets about a hood to put over my head. Apparently one of his fantasies. I said no.

This doesn't sound like a man who's looking for a relationship, right?

Yes. Quite.

Or even, for free - can I give you multiple orgasms? Oh actually sorry no I can't I don't know how to do that. I'm a sad fck who wanks over porn hours a day and I know nothing about giving anyone else pleasure.

The more you post, the more this does not feel real but im going to comment on the off chance it is.

You seriously need to stop dating and figure out why your boundaries are so completely not there to the point you put yourself at unbelievable risk. You went into the home of practically a stranger, when he whips out a hood to basically turn you into a faceless sex doll, that wasnt enough of a red flag to you (never mind the kink chat on a first date not setting alarm bells off), you still had sex and were happy with a stranger choking you, something that could literally kill you in seconds. You have a child to think about here and you are seriously putting yourself at risk.

If this is remotely real, please look into some kind of programme or something to evaluate why you put yourself at so so much risk, before you end up a headline in a news story and your child ends up without a parent. There are ways to find a relationship and this just isnt it.

Absolutely what @Crojo said!

@solosunflowers, like it or not, you put yourself in a vulnerable position and things could have gone badly wrong. This was a stranger. I'm all for women having the sex they want... but there is no escaping the fact that men can be dangerous and whilst knowing someone doesn't take away all the risk, it does remove some of it.

Sadly, that's the world we live in...you have to think of your safety. If you're looking for a relationship, I'd focus on getting to know someone first....

You’ve had a lucky escape.

oh and also - this with bells on..!

So you could have been left brain damaged or dead.
You do realize this?

Yes he did.
I'm trying to remember back to what I said.

This is awful. You write about choking as if it’s ordinary thing to do. It really isn’t. You’re a mum. Think on how your child would feel for the rest of his life telling people his mum died after kinky sex with a stranger .

This isn't a made up post, I assure you it's all real.
Now I'm looking back I see it's much much worst. Everything happened very quickly.

This. How dare he without having a conversation about likes/absokute no’s first?

I do now I've researched

He sounds like an absolute shitshow

Fuck that, he would give me serial killer vibes. And sex on the second date won’t end up with a relationship.

I'm old too and had sex on the first date with two of the men who became long term partners as did many of my friends, lots of us (tho not me and that was only because of how my life worked out) had one night stands, even had a couple of friends who had a few wild years when this was what they prefered. But there seemed to the best of my knowledge to be none of this choking stuff, none of the straight in there with requests/demands for more unusual things. It sounds so risky and troubling out there for women these days, glad those days are over for me. Men seem worse than I remember them being or is it that society has changed to the extent that some of them feel they can say and try anything?

Online porn (of all kinds) available for free all hours of the day, has made things much worse.

As well as the internet enabling the sad fckers to get together online.

OP, my DH has a sexual sadism kink. What you described falls into this category, not into BDSM. Its easy enough to find willing and consenting parters to indulge these kinks. Your date did not so that because your fearful reaction will have given him a lot of pleasure. None of this is acceptable and shows a serious level of selfishness on his part.

I've had a lot of casual/risky sex over the years. Not much shocks me anymore, so it's good to hear what others think.
Are you surprised that people are shocked?

I believe you op, this kind of thing isn't that uncommon. I know it's a blur but if you didn't consent to chocking I might consider reporting. Sorry you're going through this.

I feels wrong now I'm thinking back

What the actual…..

These types of men prey on what they perceive to be vulnerable women. The fact that you are on here asking this question is the reason he felt able to do what he did. It’s absolutely disgusting of him and things could have ended up way worse than they did. He was after someone he could manipulate and use to carry out his fantasies. I think you need to understand what made you ignore the red flags before you got to the point of being in bed with a stranger on date 2 where he felt he could put a hood over you and choke you!

I would have reported this as it sounds like the next one might not get away so easily!!!!!

If this is real you really do need to take a massive step back from dating until you can figure why on earth this happened, why you didnt feel able to stop it and do some work to get to the point where you dont engage in things you arent comfortable with or that put you at risk.

You are genuinely lucky you didnt end up injured or dead, its really that serious. Anyone letting someone put their hand around their throat really needs to consider how a split second could kill them but its so unbelievably concerning that a pretty much stranger did this and you didnt see this as a concern. I do worry for you if this is genuinely what happened.

Do you feel safe around your husband knowing he has that kink? Genuine question, not meaning any disrespect, just curious.

You did nothing wrong. He is the one who did wrong. Don't let people here shame you into believing that you are at fault for what happened.

I feels wrong now I'm thinking back
Im glad you are safe.

It did happen.
I made this account because I wanted to discuss the evening.
I know it probably feels like I'm adding bits here and there, but it's a case that I'm thinking about it all.
Also my lips were bruised the next day after his kissing. I did tell him about this.