Date tried to put a hood on me during sex

[solosunflowers]

I've been trying to date and honestly not had the best time so far.

I don't get a lot of free time because I'm a solo parent to my son.
So I went on a date recently. It was a low pressure walk (my suggestion). It went really well and we hit it off a lot better than expected. The only thing was that he made reference to being interested in the D/s dynamic. Can't remember how the conversation came up. I didn't make much of it because that is something I can enjoy, but didn't want to discuss at that point.

So second date we were at his house. He kisses me and things get heated. We're about to have sex and he gets about a hood to put over my head. Apparently one of his fantasies. I said no.

This doesn't sound like a man who's looking for a relationship, right?

That is genuinely terrifying.

nothing wrong with dating sites used properly but be safe using them
after two dates is early to go to a private place
personally i would continue with open places for a few dates
walks in wooded areas etc not a chance

Isn't it terrifying! He thought this was fine like it was normal .

It's not nasty to advise a fellow solo parent that trying to find a new partner isn't the way. Our kids need us. Women across the board need to de-centre men and centre themselves and their children.

How about asking to tie him up ?

If he agrees then do it then nick off home

No way. If people want to do that in a consensual relationship, whatever, but for a first time sexual encounter with this man? That’s very scary.

I'm looking for a few nice dates that could have potential. I'm not looking to rush anything or involve my child.

Telling a single mother who has asked for advice on a disturbing encounter with a recent date that she should 'focus on her child' implies that a) she is not focusing on her child and b) that it's not possible to date and focus on one's child. You may think that's true but it's not what she asked for advice on.

Either way, you didn't administer the advice very sensitively so I thought your username was somewhat ironic.

Bringing up a sexual kink on a first meeting low pressure walk is a serious red flag in my world. I'd have "Oh I got a text" that meant I had to go home early. Doing what he did on a second date - dangerous selfish fucker.

OP you sound nice but I think you really need to work on your boundaries and - not sure what the word is but the thing that makes you recognise red flags - before you get out there again. Your descriptions sound like you were almost grateful to this man for dating/meeting you.

Don't meet him again. He is not a nice man.

#StopBeingNasty

Was he happy to wear the hood as well ..
What's good for the goose and all that

A man who doesn’t seek your consent before doing something like that is always dangerous. No exceptions.

If they start out with little to no respect for you and your boundaries, they don’t improve as things progress - men are generally on their best behaviour at the beginning of a relationship.

You think this is a question of incompatibility rather than psychopathy?

A man whose fantasy is kidnapping a girl for rape - and has so few limits on his fetish that he's prepared to try and enforce it on a woman he barely knows the first time they have sex?

Jesus Christ.

To each their own! I think my personal experience is spilling over into my bias.

I mean, as everybody else does on this godforsaken website, I was simply expressing my viewpoint. Sorry I didn't coat it in sugar and serve it with a bunch of flowers!

Without speaking to the ex wife i dont think that means anything.
If you are considering seeing this man again . Do a claires law request to be safer.

Absolute psycho.

His wife is a forensic psychiatrist. They're not divorced yet.

Don't bother with Claire's Law requests. Just don't see this man again. If talking about kink on the first meeting and trying to put a hood on you the first time you have sex - on the second time you meet - gets a third date then god help you.

I actually don't think he has interest in seeing me again.
I'm not expecting to hear further.
There was talk of going for a meal, he was ill, then radio silence.

It's possible that him watching lots of porn made his marriage break down.

If he was watching lots of porn and then trying to act out his porn-driven fantasies on his wife, and she wasn't into it, but he refused to accept her boundaries...

It's possible that she got sick of him and his demands and ended it.

He is not even divorced yet! OP I am going to sound horrible here but every response you had to him - not doing a double -take on the kink, still having sex with him after the hood, seeing him when he is still married - said to him "I'm here for sex and up for anything". He is still a piece of shit but you need to really work on yourself and your expectations here. If your expectations/wants are kinky sex on a second date, great. But clearly they aren't.

I only know what he told me.

1. she wanted another child, he didn't
2. she ended the marriage, then was with her manager at work very quickly afterwards.

dom / sub

What he means is, he's a sadist and gets joy out of humiliating / hurting / controlling you during sex. WHY does a man want to do that, and what does it mean, really. People can try and justify it with ramblings of 'kinks' and wtf they like, but at root - he doesn't like or respect you.

Get rid. At least you found out early with little harm done.

Would be interesting to hear HER side of the story.