Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Would you message him after a lovely holiday connection went quiet?

1000 replies

BigSpongyHelmet · 21/09/2026 14:04

Name changed obviously as I feel really pathetic.

Recently returned from a solo holiday, met a really lovely man on the Thursday evening (I went home the following Saturday), whilst watching a live band and we chatted for hours about everything and anything. It all felt really natural, he was a little shy but we had a lovely time and I felt comfortable when he offered to walk me back (near to) my apartment. I'd had a few drinks as had he and he asked if I wanted to link arms as I seemed a little unsteady...I probably was to be fair, I was merry but as I don't drink often, it probably takes me much less to get tipsy than others!

Anyhoo, the walk back was 20 mins, in that time we went from linked arms to holding hands, chatted all the way about our jobs, friends, holidays, the fact that we were both single, and ended up sitting on a bench near the apartment until 4.00 a.m. just chatting. It was so lovely. The next morning he messaged me saying he'd had a lovely time and could he see me again, we decided to go and see a singer we'd both talked about the night before, so I met him at 4.30 in a seafront bar, had a couple of cocktails, saw the singer at 6.30 and then he asked if he could buy me dinner. Ended up at the same bar as the night before watching the live band again, didn't stop chatting and laughing and we also had a couple of snogs (discretely, it was very dark). He walked me back again, took a bit longer this time as we were constantly stopping for a kiss, he was a gentlemen, didn't try anything else, walked me to my door, bit more kissing, said he'd love to see when he gets home and then he said he better let me go as I was leaving for the airport at 9 the next day.

He messaged me whilst I was at the airport, said how lovely it had been to meet me and he really wanted to see me again and he'd message/call me when he got home (he was there until Thursday last week). I responded to say I'd really enjoyed meeting him and I'd love to see him again....and then nothing. And still nothing.

I have to say this has really hit me hard and I'm almost embarrassed to admit that, I really liked him and I honestly thought he would get in touch. My friends are in 2 camps, some have said message him (mostly blokes), some have said you messaged last, you made your feelings clear and he DID say he'd message you once home. I have stopped myself from messaging him so many times as I don't want to feel like I'm prompting him, but I would have really liked to see him again. It could have been all bullshit on holiday but then why text me when I'm on my way home.

We're both 52 for context.

WWYD?

OP posts:
Beanosaurus · 22/09/2026 22:08

I'm happy for you OP, don't know why people are being so salty. It's nice to hear something lovely could be blossoming

FannybygaslightinGovan · 22/09/2026 22:09

Well this thread has had absolutely everything that mumsnet has to offer and I have thoroughly enjoyed it 😂

I cannot wait for the next installment.

Executrixnotextraordinaire · 22/09/2026 22:11

Excellent thread OP, well apart from the nutjobs, I look forward to the sequel. Happy to play bouncer and not let any of them in. Enjoy!😊

Jillybliss · 22/09/2026 22:13

Can't wait to hear how the date goes! Good luck x

prattheather1 · 22/09/2026 22:17

Ahh thanks for this thread OP, rarely have I read such an entertaining one. Wow you are patient with your replies 😃😃have a lovely time he sounds great! Huge luck 😃😃

Boudica70 · 22/09/2026 22:18

I for one, hope you have a lovely time when you meet up! Too many negative Nellies on here!

shuggles · 22/09/2026 22:19

@BigSpongyHelmet See, contacting him again turned out to be the correct course of action. Which is why advice about not speaking to, or messaging, men is bad advice.

IF I messaged, what the fudge do I say without appearing desperate

This issue doesn't apply with men. While everyone should know that sounding desperate to a woman is a very bad thing, men find it endearing when women display this behaviour.

shhblackbag · 22/09/2026 22:34

Chickpeacurrywithrice · 22/09/2026 21:13

What if they were the same, would it be red flag? If he had no socials that you feel appropriate to stalk, would it worry you or put you off?

That's a fair question, but when I started dating, social media didn't exist. I would go on a date to suss out chemistry, then decide based on what was said and how the date went. I would likely do the same now, if the first few days of messages were interesting.

It is a fair point that I look at social media when it's there. Because it's there. I should also say that I am single now and happy with it, partly because dating seems to me to have become complicated with all the apps and the men on them who are married, already in relationships, or 'talking to' however many at the same time. I'm too old for that game, and it isn't worth the peace I have.

Sorry, that was long.

But OP's story is sweet. I hope it goes well.

DonewhatIcando · 22/09/2026 22:36

@BigSpongyHelmet
Loved this thread ❤️
So glad you've got a date planned but if you go for your 2nd meet up in Leeds and it all goes wrong (I'm hoping not) I'm in York and know Leeds well, you can DM me and I'll rescue you 😉 I'll treat you to cocktails then DP can drive through to Leeds and rescue both of us!!

Zaza2020 · 22/09/2026 22:46

A lot of paranoid people out there. I am so pleased for you, i hope it all works out.

ThisUmberSwan · 22/09/2026 22:50

BigSpongyHelmet · 21/09/2026 14:31

IF I messaged, what the fudge do I say without appearing desperate 😆

I hate the dating world, I was in a LTR (30 years) until late last year, this is the first bloke I've actually met since and I don't want to come across as desperate/needy

You could ask if he got home safe and enjoyed the remaining of his holiday etc? And say again how lovely it was to meet him

Jennick · 22/09/2026 22:51

Message,let him know how you feel ,wait and see ,you may have to walk away but you have to

ThistleTits · 22/09/2026 23:01

BigSpongyHelmet · 21/09/2026 19:17

Ok well I think I'm going to leave this thread now, some people are taking all the fun/excitement out of it, and making it sound sinister and dark.

Anyway, i took a risk, it paid off hopefully so thanks all, and especially to those who made me laugh out loud

I hope it all goes better than expected 🙏 and you have a positive future together or at least a lot of fun 😁

Lumpismum · 22/09/2026 23:01

Message him!!! You have nothing to lose and everything to gain!

AnnieMay55 · 22/09/2026 23:03

I missed what the next thread will be called.. would someone mind just updating this info so we can all look out for it, thanks

Loulouboho · 22/09/2026 23:04

Good and light but I think short and sweet and less passive is better - keep first sentence and then just say ‘had a lovely time in X. Let’s catch up again if you’re up for it - insert ending you’re comfortable with X / 🙂/ leaving it open 😂

best of luck, hope it works out !

Medicalgrademusic · 22/09/2026 23:06

How are so many people still replying to the opening post?? This thread is 38 pages long. How can it not occur to so many posters that the op may have updated it?! It's mind blowing!

SoupSoup · 22/09/2026 23:11

Medicalgrademusic · 22/09/2026 23:06

How are so many people still replying to the opening post?? This thread is 38 pages long. How can it not occur to so many posters that the op may have updated it?! It's mind blowing!

It’s a mystery.

Oneisallandallisone · 22/09/2026 23:18

Please keep us uodated... the ones who weren't weird!

tooomanytortillas · 22/09/2026 23:25

I’m going to be devastated if I don’t find the new thread 😢
so excited for you OP and seriously CANNOT believe how many posters do not READ THE FULL THREAD. It really ain’t that tricky !!!!

rolloverbeethoven · 22/09/2026 23:27

I'm honestly wondering if there could be a technical issue at this point, and people actually can't see the OP's posts!

LifeTakeTwo · 22/09/2026 23:28

I absolutely love this thread.

The batshittery has actually had me laughing out loud. I've not laughed like this in a while.

OP thank you so much for this thread. The entertainment has been elite.

My highlights so far:
Suggestion of tracking the flights
Spitting in the face of feminism due to arranging a date.
Romance scammer/identity theft.

Please make sure you start another thread as this one is filing up. I really hope the craziest join that one too. Pleeeaaassseee!

It's made my night!

Thank you to all who have contributed 😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣

BewareTheGurus · 22/09/2026 23:35

JeanSimmons · 22/09/2026 19:28

I'm sorry, but you seriously think that it was the same person? That is unhinged. I think that some people both have main character syndrome and have watched far too many Harlan Coben series.

Bizzarely, my previous response to this has been deleted, which is a shame as it indicated that I am actually not 'unhinged' and never at any point indicated that I was referring to the same person.

In this post I went on to talk about my own experience, which I won't repeat. As I say, I have no idea as to why my post was deleted by MN, or indeed why anyone would think it appropriate to report it.

Have a lovely date OP.

Over and out.

Chickenhorse · 22/09/2026 23:39

AnnieMay55 · 22/09/2026 23:03

I missed what the next thread will be called.. would someone mind just updating this info so we can all look out for it, thanks

Gonners · Today 12:23
** ... If you do a follow-up thread and want to attract the undoubted stars of this one, perhaps you should name it Chip-Pissers' Corner.

I was invested enough to go back and find the next thread name for all of you who asked 😁

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 22/09/2026 23:43

Lumpismum · 22/09/2026 23:01

Message him!!! You have nothing to lose and everything to gain!

RTFT

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is not accepting new messages.
Swipe left for the next trending thread