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Would you message him after a lovely holiday connection went quiet?

1000 replies

BigSpongyHelmet · 21/09/2026 14:04

Name changed obviously as I feel really pathetic.

Recently returned from a solo holiday, met a really lovely man on the Thursday evening (I went home the following Saturday), whilst watching a live band and we chatted for hours about everything and anything. It all felt really natural, he was a little shy but we had a lovely time and I felt comfortable when he offered to walk me back (near to) my apartment. I'd had a few drinks as had he and he asked if I wanted to link arms as I seemed a little unsteady...I probably was to be fair, I was merry but as I don't drink often, it probably takes me much less to get tipsy than others!

Anyhoo, the walk back was 20 mins, in that time we went from linked arms to holding hands, chatted all the way about our jobs, friends, holidays, the fact that we were both single, and ended up sitting on a bench near the apartment until 4.00 a.m. just chatting. It was so lovely. The next morning he messaged me saying he'd had a lovely time and could he see me again, we decided to go and see a singer we'd both talked about the night before, so I met him at 4.30 in a seafront bar, had a couple of cocktails, saw the singer at 6.30 and then he asked if he could buy me dinner. Ended up at the same bar as the night before watching the live band again, didn't stop chatting and laughing and we also had a couple of snogs (discretely, it was very dark). He walked me back again, took a bit longer this time as we were constantly stopping for a kiss, he was a gentlemen, didn't try anything else, walked me to my door, bit more kissing, said he'd love to see when he gets home and then he said he better let me go as I was leaving for the airport at 9 the next day.

He messaged me whilst I was at the airport, said how lovely it had been to meet me and he really wanted to see me again and he'd message/call me when he got home (he was there until Thursday last week). I responded to say I'd really enjoyed meeting him and I'd love to see him again....and then nothing. And still nothing.

I have to say this has really hit me hard and I'm almost embarrassed to admit that, I really liked him and I honestly thought he would get in touch. My friends are in 2 camps, some have said message him (mostly blokes), some have said you messaged last, you made your feelings clear and he DID say he'd message you once home. I have stopped myself from messaging him so many times as I don't want to feel like I'm prompting him, but I would have really liked to see him again. It could have been all bullshit on holiday but then why text me when I'm on my way home.

We're both 52 for context.

WWYD?

OP posts:
WigglywagglyWanda · 22/09/2026 11:11

CrazyMidget · 22/09/2026 10:59

You really, really did not sound like you got the metaphor. It was about romance (condiments) and life (meals). But you took offence at men being called condiments and said how awful it would be if a man said the same thing about a woman. You didn't get it at all!

Ah, and that old riposte, "You're bitter." The insult we are all meant to dread! Anything but to be called bitter! Yeah, other people's insults and opinions have no effect on me. I'll express what I've seen all around me in my long life whether it makes me popular or not. I'd far, far rather be bitter than stupid when it comes to romance.

Edited

Other people's opinions have "no effect" on you?😆

I'd hate to see the amount of wordage if you were triggered!

Thebutterflyslovemybush · 22/09/2026 11:13

Just caught up on your thread OP, only read your responses but I get an idea of the bat shittery that has gone on. Anyway as someone who has just messaged a guy I have met only once to ask him out for a drink (absolutely feral behaviour) I'm in solidarity that I hope you have a nice time and all goes well for you

user1464187087 · 22/09/2026 11:18

CrazyMidget · 22/09/2026 10:59

You really, really did not sound like you got the metaphor. It was about romance (condiments) and life (meals). But you took offence at men being called condiments and said how awful it would be if a man said the same thing about a woman. You didn't get it at all!

Ah, and that old riposte, "You're bitter." The insult we are all meant to dread! Anything but to be called bitter! Yeah, other people's insults and opinions have no effect on me. I'll express what I've seen all around me in my long life whether it makes me popular or not. I'd far, far rather be bitter than stupid when it comes to romance.

Edited

I didn't say you were bitter, I said that you sound bitter.

Do you think the OP is being stupid when it comes to romance?
She has openly said that if he is an idiot she will bin him off.
That is a genuine question, just because I don't think she is being stupid and just seeing where it goes.

user1464187087 · 22/09/2026 11:24

CrazyMidget · 22/09/2026 10:33

Same here, lol. Once you've truly seen how many people have feet of clay, you can't unsee it. But it's nice that some people can still float away on a pink bubble of love at the drop of a hat.

Patronising perhaps?

Goatsarebest · 22/09/2026 11:24

What's actually happened here. OP met a man she got on with and liked on holiday. He said he would contact her when he got back. OP thought he hadn't because she thought his return date was different to his actual return date so asked should she text him. She did text.
On his actual return date he did contact her. They are going to meet up in a safe place to see if it develops.
OP hasn't become some desperate women willing to compromise her safety and morals for a man and spent a week in some kind of delusional romantic haze about a guy she had a kiss with.
She just texted a guy who she met and who they had agreed that they would contact each other.
All the finding out about him and if he is an ID thief or after money or is married or is a horrible person, or anything else mentioned on here start from now on. You can't assume everyone you meet has poor intentions or is a con person. You can tread cautiously. But you've got to start somewhere.
Good Luck with the date.

CrazyMidget · 22/09/2026 11:26

user1464187087 · 22/09/2026 11:18

I didn't say you were bitter, I said that you sound bitter.

Do you think the OP is being stupid when it comes to romance?
She has openly said that if he is an idiot she will bin him off.
That is a genuine question, just because I don't think she is being stupid and just seeing where it goes.

It's not her actions, no, It's the huge store set by this man that she hardly knows, and by everyone else on this thread, too! The intense focus on him by the OP, the thinking about him for many days on end, the obsessing over him texting her, the sheer joy when he replied to a text after a long gap in communication, and everyone else on this thread doing the same! It's like he's the Grand Poo-bah. Again, I ask you, can you imagine a man behaving like this and starting a thread that attracts lots of other men ooh-ing and ahh-ing because a woman replied to a text after about ten days of silence? Have we really not moved on at all from worshipping men we hardly know from Adam?

CrazyMidget · 22/09/2026 11:28

user1464187087 · 22/09/2026 11:24

Patronising perhaps?

I said, effectively, that it's nice how some people still believe in love at first sight even if I don't. If you want to see things that have no relation to the text, knock yourself out!

Goatsarebest · 22/09/2026 11:31

OP just asked should she text him. No obsessing, no swooning because he responded, no intensity, no promotion to diety status. After being in LTR for 30 years just asked for general advice on current etiquette.
That's it.

Redpaisley · 22/09/2026 11:32

CrazyMidget · 22/09/2026 10:59

You really, really did not sound like you got the metaphor. It was about romance (condiments) and life (meals). But you took offence at men being called condiments and said how awful it would be if a man said the same thing about a woman. You didn't get it at all!

Ah, and that old riposte, "You're bitter." The insult we are all meant to dread! Anything but to be called bitter! Yeah, other people's insults and opinions have no effect on me. I'll express what I've seen all around me in my long life whether it makes me popular or not. I'd far, far rather be bitter than stupid when it comes to romance.

Edited

Ah, and that old riposte, "You're bitter." The insult we are all meant to dread! Anything but to be called bitter!

Why bitter is the worst possible insult?

BigSpongyHelmet · 22/09/2026 11:33

CrazyMidget · 22/09/2026 11:26

It's not her actions, no, It's the huge store set by this man that she hardly knows, and by everyone else on this thread, too! The intense focus on him by the OP, the thinking about him for many days on end, the obsessing over him texting her, the sheer joy when he replied to a text after a long gap in communication, and everyone else on this thread doing the same! It's like he's the Grand Poo-bah. Again, I ask you, can you imagine a man behaving like this and starting a thread that attracts lots of other men ooh-ing and ahh-ing because a woman replied to a text after about ten days of silence? Have we really not moved on at all from worshipping men we hardly know from Adam?

Intense focus, obsessing, sheer joy? You're just making stuff up now! I asked if I should send a message, I did send a message, I got a response, all's well. That's it

OP posts:
CharityShopCharlie · 22/09/2026 11:34

user1464187087 · 22/09/2026 09:28

You need to meet different men. The one's I know don't treat women like that.

Nothing wrong with the men I associate with. I'm thinking of the ones that drive women to Mumsnet to ask for help.

That's to you too, @JeanSimmons. Don't lump me in with "these people" thank you.

WigglywagglyWanda · 22/09/2026 11:35

CrazyMidget · 22/09/2026 11:26

It's not her actions, no, It's the huge store set by this man that she hardly knows, and by everyone else on this thread, too! The intense focus on him by the OP, the thinking about him for many days on end, the obsessing over him texting her, the sheer joy when he replied to a text after a long gap in communication, and everyone else on this thread doing the same! It's like he's the Grand Poo-bah. Again, I ask you, can you imagine a man behaving like this and starting a thread that attracts lots of other men ooh-ing and ahh-ing because a woman replied to a text after about ten days of silence? Have we really not moved on at all from worshipping men we hardly know from Adam?

But but but

You said other people's opinions dont affect you😅

They very very clearly do

BigSpongyHelmet · 22/09/2026 11:36

Goatsarebest · 22/09/2026 11:31

OP just asked should she text him. No obsessing, no swooning because he responded, no intensity, no promotion to diety status. After being in LTR for 30 years just asked for general advice on current etiquette.
That's it.

Thank you, I had to go back and read what I'd wriiten as none of that sounds like me!

It would be nice if those arguing with each other would bugger off as it's getting pretty boring now.

Woman met man, woman liked man, woman kissed man, woman wants to see man again, woman messaged man, man responded positively. It's really that simple, the over-analysing is really quite tedious

OP posts:
user1464187087 · 22/09/2026 11:37

CrazyMidget · 22/09/2026 11:26

It's not her actions, no, It's the huge store set by this man that she hardly knows, and by everyone else on this thread, too! The intense focus on him by the OP, the thinking about him for many days on end, the obsessing over him texting her, the sheer joy when he replied to a text after a long gap in communication, and everyone else on this thread doing the same! It's like he's the Grand Poo-bah. Again, I ask you, can you imagine a man behaving like this and starting a thread that attracts lots of other men ooh-ing and ahh-ing because a woman replied to a text after about ten days of silence? Have we really not moved on at all from worshipping men we hardly know from Adam?

Nothing that has been posted on here is the guy's fault though.
You can't think badly of him for people commenting on mumsnet.
I do get your point that men may not behave like this, but can you not just be happy for the OP? It may work out and it may not, but your total reluctance to show any positivity to a woman who may be going through a pleasant time is what makes you sound bitter.

Ahwelltoobad · 22/09/2026 11:38

Very kind of you to update, as I live a bit through you right now 😂
It all sounds quite lovely! 🥰

Gabby10 · 22/09/2026 11:44

I’ve been watching this thread since you posted yesterday and I don’t understand why you’re getting so much shit! It sounds lovely, I’m glad you text him and I’m glad he text you back. I hope you have a lovely date and that all goes well ❤️ good luck and enjoy it!!

MrsIcandothis · 22/09/2026 11:45

SoupSoup · 22/09/2026 08:34

You have the patience of a saint, OP. For that alone, I hope your date back on home soil is as lovely as one could wish.

OP is a legend. Usual pile of saintly and wise MNetters are showing themselves as per usual but OP rises above the nonsense. I salute you, lady x.

ApolloandDaphne · 22/09/2026 11:47

I managed to skim through all OPs posts in about 5 minutes and got the gist of what happened. No idea why people find it so hard! Anyway, I hope you meet up and have a lovely date soon.

Goatsarebest · 22/09/2026 11:48

Anyway, the funniest bit of this thread is where OP says she 'hates the dating world'. It probably is worth hating, but maybe it warrants more than one date in 30 years to form this opinion😂

Newgirls · 22/09/2026 11:50

Op I just read your posts and you seem completely sensible and realistic. How you met him sounds great. Pretty much how I met my husband and he took a while contacting me so I contacted him. He was a bit socially awkward that was all. Worked out perfectly in the end! Enjoy your date 😀

JustWalnut · 22/09/2026 11:52

BigSpongyHelmet · 22/09/2026 09:54

Again, what do you want me to say or do? At this moment in time I can only take what's he's said/done at face value...what would YOU like me to do at this point to ensure my safety?

You need to be a lot less gullible for a start.

CarrotJuiceandTurmeric · 22/09/2026 11:52

Hope you have a lovely date, OP, and well done for your gracious replies to some of the batshit on this thread.

The thread has made me think I'm a bit out of touch though. If I agreed to get in touch with someone after I got back from holiday, I'd mean 2-3 weeks later. People on here would have given up on me long before!

CharityShopCharlie · 22/09/2026 11:52

JustWalnut · 22/09/2026 11:52

You need to be a lot less gullible for a start.

What do you mean by that @JustWalnut?

user1464187087 · 22/09/2026 11:53

JustWalnut · 22/09/2026 11:52

You need to be a lot less gullible for a start.

What specifically is the OP being gullible about??

JustWalnut · 22/09/2026 11:56

It's unlikely she misremembered the day he said he was flying home.
It's extremely unlikely that he had "just landed" when she happened to message him on a different day.
A tenner says they're never meeting up.

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