Would you message him after a lovely holiday connection went quiet?

[BigSpongyHelmet]

Name changed obviously as I feel really pathetic.

Recently returned from a solo holiday, met a really lovely man on the Thursday evening (I went home the following Saturday), whilst watching a live band and we chatted for hours about everything and anything. It all felt really natural, he was a little shy but we had a lovely time and I felt comfortable when he offered to walk me back (near to) my apartment. I'd had a few drinks as had he and he asked if I wanted to link arms as I seemed a little unsteady...I probably was to be fair, I was merry but as I don't drink often, it probably takes me much less to get tipsy than others!

Anyhoo, the walk back was 20 mins, in that time we went from linked arms to holding hands, chatted all the way about our jobs, friends, holidays, the fact that we were both single, and ended up sitting on a bench near the apartment until 4.00 a.m. just chatting. It was so lovely. The next morning he messaged me saying he'd had a lovely time and could he see me again, we decided to go and see a singer we'd both talked about the night before, so I met him at 4.30 in a seafront bar, had a couple of cocktails, saw the singer at 6.30 and then he asked if he could buy me dinner. Ended up at the same bar as the night before watching the live band again, didn't stop chatting and laughing and we also had a couple of snogs (discretely, it was very dark). He walked me back again, took a bit longer this time as we were constantly stopping for a kiss, he was a gentlemen, didn't try anything else, walked me to my door, bit more kissing, said he'd love to see when he gets home and then he said he better let me go as I was leaving for the airport at 9 the next day.

He messaged me whilst I was at the airport, said how lovely it had been to meet me and he really wanted to see me again and he'd message/call me when he got home (he was there until Thursday last week). I responded to say I'd really enjoyed meeting him and I'd love to see him again....and then nothing. And still nothing.

I have to say this has really hit me hard and I'm almost embarrassed to admit that, I really liked him and I honestly thought he would get in touch. My friends are in 2 camps, some have said message him (mostly blokes), some have said you messaged last, you made your feelings clear and he DID say he'd message you once home. I have stopped myself from messaging him so many times as I don't want to feel like I'm prompting him, but I would have really liked to see him again. It could have been all bullshit on holiday but then why text me when I'm on my way home.

We're both 52 for context.

WWYD?

At least he'd be getting plenty of practice in

The confusion was because the OP was drunk and had got the dates wrong!

No, she sounds sensible. That's often how men DO treat women.

That's certainly one possibility.

Any news?

You need to meet different men. The one's I know don't treat women like that.

My god there are some batshit posts on this thread, I especially love the idea that if a woman shows any kind of agency whatsoever, she has no self respect 😂

It all sounds lovely OP, and I hope it continues 🥂

It's no point reasoning with these people. Women like that actually enjoy feeling that all men are awful. That's fine, that's their right. Where they go wrong is when they get angry that other women don't agree with them and have different experiences.

It's the most likely one. Horses not zebras.

We have differing opinions - it's a wild concept.

You're only picking up the bits of posts you don't like rather than accepting advice to tread carefully. I've said in each post that I hope it works out for you.

Getting angry because some of us say 'check him out a bit' IS common sense. It's for your personal safety if nothing else. It's advice on a lot of dating sites, for a start. If you don't know his full name that's not possible.

You asked for advice, about contacting him. You're new to midlife dating. All anyone is saying is proceed with a bit of caution because you don't know anything about him at all, other than what he told you. Yes, no different to meeting someone in a bar or online in the UK but the same advice would apply then!

It’s just a gendered version of the ‘other women are awful’, ‘friends just involve drama so I choose to have none’ and ‘I just hang out with my pets because they’re nicer than Nasty Humans’ attitude you also get on here. Something in their past has hurt them into a defensive position, but it suits those posters to elevate it into a universal principle.

I think most men are good people - I'm lucky to have been very happily married to a fantastic man for almost 30 years. I would still always be cautious for all kinds of reasons. To me, that's common sense. MN is an internet forum like any other, we all have differing views and opinions and we all have a right to express them. That's what makes the world an interesting place.

This thread is bizarre. Posters piling on to have a go at anyone who says 'be careful' and accusing them of being bitter etc, while talking about hats and weddings after a 48 hour association on holiday. So it's okay to live in some Mills and Boon fantasy world?

Exactly.

Who's angry?

Your opinion on this particular issue isn't especially sensible, though. Even if he wasn't 100% trustworthy, what would be the point about lying about day he was coming home? What would he gain from it? Whereas the OP, slightly drunk, could very easily have got the dates mixed up. As I say, it's a case of the simplest explanation being the likeliest.

But you seem determined to pick and pick and pick...you've made your point yet you keep banging on about the same thing!

What exactly do you want me to say, that i won't meet him? Would that stop you?

I think you're somewhat overinvested in the whole thread and seem determined to argue your point at any cost. Step away and relax. MN is just a forum full of strangers voicing their opinion - in all honesty, no one really cares.

Maybe I've said the same thing because other posters have jumped in to criticise , constantly, far more than my few posts, and you also seem unable to accept anything negative at all. You are behaving very unpleasantly to anyone who says be careful.

Not going to post again and as before, wishing you all the best.

Again, what do you want me to say or do? At this moment in time I can only take what's he's said/done at face value...what would YOU like me to do at this point to ensure my safety?

It's a shame the first post sets the tone for the thread.

Imagine if OP had listened to this defeatist wallflowering.

I hope you meet up soon and have a great time, OP.

This attitude that men should do the asking out is so regressive.

Have a great time OP. I can’t believe so many people have so much angst over someone going on a first date. Maybe because I was dating in the days before mobiles and internet and you just met someone you liked and took your chances. You’re old enough to know what to do and not what to do. Hope it all works out.

Absolutely this. For literally generations, we had to take people at face value. Little harm came of it. Have a great time OP :)

I mean, I could say the same for you and the other naysayers who are determined that this man is some kind of scammer. It's just weird.