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Original poster

Would you message him after a lovely holiday connection went quiet?

1000 replies

BigSpongyHelmet · 21/09/2026 14:04

Name changed obviously as I feel really pathetic.

Recently returned from a solo holiday, met a really lovely man on the Thursday evening (I went home the following Saturday), whilst watching a live band and we chatted for hours about everything and anything. It all felt really natural, he was a little shy but we had a lovely time and I felt comfortable when he offered to walk me back (near to) my apartment. I'd had a few drinks as had he and he asked if I wanted to link arms as I seemed a little unsteady...I probably was to be fair, I was merry but as I don't drink often, it probably takes me much less to get tipsy than others!

Anyhoo, the walk back was 20 mins, in that time we went from linked arms to holding hands, chatted all the way about our jobs, friends, holidays, the fact that we were both single, and ended up sitting on a bench near the apartment until 4.00 a.m. just chatting. It was so lovely. The next morning he messaged me saying he'd had a lovely time and could he see me again, we decided to go and see a singer we'd both talked about the night before, so I met him at 4.30 in a seafront bar, had a couple of cocktails, saw the singer at 6.30 and then he asked if he could buy me dinner. Ended up at the same bar as the night before watching the live band again, didn't stop chatting and laughing and we also had a couple of snogs (discretely, it was very dark). He walked me back again, took a bit longer this time as we were constantly stopping for a kiss, he was a gentlemen, didn't try anything else, walked me to my door, bit more kissing, said he'd love to see when he gets home and then he said he better let me go as I was leaving for the airport at 9 the next day.

He messaged me whilst I was at the airport, said how lovely it had been to meet me and he really wanted to see me again and he'd message/call me when he got home (he was there until Thursday last week). I responded to say I'd really enjoyed meeting him and I'd love to see him again....and then nothing. And still nothing.

I have to say this has really hit me hard and I'm almost embarrassed to admit that, I really liked him and I honestly thought he would get in touch. My friends are in 2 camps, some have said message him (mostly blokes), some have said you messaged last, you made your feelings clear and he DID say he'd message you once home. I have stopped myself from messaging him so many times as I don't want to feel like I'm prompting him, but I would have really liked to see him again. It could have been all bullshit on holiday but then why text me when I'm on my way home.

We're both 52 for context.

WWYD?

OP posts:
FormerlySpeckledyHen · 22/09/2026 06:50

@BigSpongyHelmet Your post reminds me so much of @shuffleuplove who is still going strong I believe with her lovely man, and gives us regular updates.

Have fun!

Original poster
BigSpongyHelmet · 22/09/2026 06:59

Seajaye · 22/09/2026 06:18

It sounds like it might have an old fashioned holiday romance, in the days before mobile phones, that fizzles out upon return to Blighty and back in the real world where he lives .

But the world has moved on communications wise and texting is so common it's not very special anymore and it's easy to ignore when everyone gets a lot of messages.

Do you have his postal address? If so maybe send him a nice, carefully chosen card in the old fashioned post, with just a single line to say something along the lines of you really enjoyed his company on the last few days of your holiday. The effort of sending a card may be appreciated and might trigger a message back , , or if not, you will just have to consign the experience to your happy memories bank.

Edited

Lol no I don't have his address and wouldn't use it if i did! As per my post below, he messaged back and we're meeting up soon once we sort some dates

OP posts:
PinkEasterbunny · 22/09/2026 07:08

OP, please ignore the cynics, jealousy is evident me thinks!

NiftyAmberHam · 22/09/2026 07:22

Invested in this now! Well done you for not letting the opportunity pass!

redboxer321 · 22/09/2026 07:22

FormerCompositor · 22/09/2026 02:25

Both of you being 52 does not lessen the potential intensity of holiday romances, and they can be quite awesome in a remarkably short space of time. Much as you are itching to contact him, he did say he'd contact you when he was back, so painful though it doubtless is, perhaps that is the best if not particularly palatable option. Oh, for context I'm a bloke saying this, going against your male friends. I am wondering, not asking you to tell me,.but whilst you messaged one another, had you got to the point of sharing snail-mail addresses? That in itself may indicate how far the relationship was intended.

I don't want to cause pain by mentioning this, but I am sure you will appreciate that the very nature of holiday romances lowers one's usual guard rails and that it is just possible that another lady entered his life during the remainder of his holiday. Alternatively, he may well think you only viewed this as a holiday romance, particularly if he was more of the shy type.

Only you have the clarity of optics of everything that transpired between you both to decide to contact or not. Don't let his failure to get in touch to date mar the memory of your short time together. Easy to say I know, but don't dwell on the subsequent lack of contact. Move on with your life, leaving open the possibility that something may just have happened in his life and he may yet get in touch.

Thanks goodness someone has come along and mansplained it for us.

Existentialistic · 22/09/2026 07:25

I’m glad he has messaged back op and I hope your date goes well.

A little word of caution though - he could have texted you while he was still on holiday to ask you if you arrived back ok etc and continue the conversation - but he didn’t. It’s sounds like he’s had about 10 more days holiday after you returned where you didn’t hear from him and anything could have happened in that time. So I would say, stay cautious but open minded. Good luck!

TheSunIsAlwaysThere · 22/09/2026 07:29

Movingonup313 · 22/09/2026 00:09

Yes I am well and what is with the personal attack?

IF the phone was lost/stolen/damaged (and we are just saying its a possibility - ie no-one said it is fact) I would give circa 1 week-10 days from date due home for a new one to be delivered/activated so that I am not inadvertently texting into a cyber hole. Was just my tuppenceworth. Seemed clear to me.

Show quote history

Not a personal attack, was asking if you were okay as your comment was apropos of nothing..

TheSunIsAlwaysThere · 22/09/2026 07:31

Apart from the idiotic posts, this thread is reminding me of the lovely Somervilles first thread. Burnt my dinner s was so engrossed.

shuffleofftobuffalo · 22/09/2026 07:33

This thread was a wild ride! Some posters have very vivid imaginations indeed. Glad to hear you’re now in touch properly with him! Have fun!

Original poster
BigSpongyHelmet · 22/09/2026 07:34

Existentialistic · 22/09/2026 07:25

I’m glad he has messaged back op and I hope your date goes well.

A little word of caution though - he could have texted you while he was still on holiday to ask you if you arrived back ok etc and continue the conversation - but he didn’t. It’s sounds like he’s had about 10 more days holiday after you returned where you didn’t hear from him and anything could have happened in that time. So I would say, stay cautious but open minded. Good luck!

Well that's his prerogative, we're not in a relationship so he's free to do whatever. We'll meet up, hopefully have a nice time and whatever happened before that is in the past, it's what happens going forward that's important

OP posts:
JeanSimmons · 22/09/2026 07:39

CrazyMidget · 22/09/2026 01:16

All this excitement just because A Man replied to a message! Can you imagine a thread of men posting in excitement and planning weddings because a woman texted back?? Come ON, sisters! A MAN IS NOT A PLAN!

And the talk of new hats...Jesus. Can I just remind everyone that it's official that marriage is shit? As in, official stats say how shit it is.

43 percent of first marriages end in divorce. Of the remaining 57 per cent, a good tranche are unhappy. If you take a conservative guess that that slice is 20 percent, of the whole, that's a whopping 63 percent of all marriages that are shit. And it's probably more than 20 percent. Some studies estimate that only about twenty percent of marriages are actually happy.

Only 25 percent of first marriages make it to the thirtieth wedding anniversary, and only 11 percent of that is due to the death of a spouse.

And you don't wanna know the stats for second and third marriages. Around 60 and 70 percent failure rates, then add the unhappily wed ones on top of that, almost all of those marriages have failed.

Marriage is a technology that fails the vast majority of the time. With that in mind, I have NO idea why A Man texting back has unleashed such a torrent of excitement. There is more to life than men. So, so much more.

Edited

Parklife.

ErlingHaalandsManBun · 22/09/2026 07:40

This thread has been crazy!

I was rooting for you OP from the start and am so glad he messaged back.

But some of the posts on here have been bonkers!

People saying that he would have text earlier if he was interested. What? The last conversation they had was that he would message her on his return from holiday. OP got his return date mixed up and messaged him but I do think he would have messaged her today now that he IS back, as he promised to do, so I don't see the issue that people are making with that.

Had he been messaging her all the time he was still away he would have been accused of love bombing her and it would have been a red flag and she would have been told to give this one a swerve 😂

Honestly, mumsnet is proper weird sometimes but the thread has been entertaining to say the least.

We need a second thread after the date OP for those of us non cynics who don't pick holes in everything that are invested in this 😂😉

Hotandbothered222 · 22/09/2026 08:01

Good luck OP, there’s nothing wrong with taking a chance, is there? And for what it’s worth, I think Leeds to Manchester is a good distance in your 50s (as I am too), close enough but not on top of each other. Fingers crossed for you!

Reformdeniesanywrongdoing · 22/09/2026 08:02

You found a quaint village in the Canaries? I have to know where this is.

sonjadog · 22/09/2026 08:09

If someone sent me a postcard out of the blue with a single line written on it, it would have me running for the hills.

ANNotherWriter · 22/09/2026 08:11

Some posts here really puzzle me.

Look, OP, I wish you all the luck in the world on this. I sincerely hope he's a good man and it works out for you long term if you want that.

What I feel is unfair is the outcry at me and a few others when we've just suggested you might have taken a very simple step to make sure he was at least being honest with you. He arrived home days after you'd thought . I'd have raised an eyebrow and checked it out, even if only to confirm I'd misheard!

That's not outrageous and neither is checking out someone on social media. There are SO many threads here where women have been lied to, duped, etc and find out later. Day after day there are posts here from women who've been hurt, men lying etc.

It's common sense when meeting someone online or away from home to check that they are who they say they are. Especially when they live long distance.

I'm saying this as someone married for 40 years but was once duped by a man who did have a wife hidden away, who lived too far away from me to drop by and check him out (and before the internet existed.)

You're 52 and new to the dating scene again. It's great you've met this man and I DO hope it works out, but there are so many bastards out there it's really worth doing a bit of checking out beforehand.

All the best with it and I hope it works.

Original poster
BigSpongyHelmet · 22/09/2026 08:12

Reformdeniesanywrongdoing · 22/09/2026 08:02

You found a quaint village in the Canaries? I have to know where this is.

Quaint probably not the right word but it was a lovely place in the hills in Lanzarote, called Femes. Quiet with some lovely views and fab restaurants

OP posts:
UmberSheep · 22/09/2026 08:12

So glad you messaged OP! You really had nothing to lose. Either you got a good outcome, or you got a bit more clarity through his lack of reply. Some posters on here are awful. Hope it works out well!

ANNotherWriter · 22/09/2026 08:14

UmberSheep · 22/09/2026 08:12

So glad you messaged OP! You really had nothing to lose. Either you got a good outcome, or you got a bit more clarity through his lack of reply. Some posters on here are awful. Hope it works out well!

NOT awful- looking out for her. But that's not allowed it seems. We have to throw common sense to the wind it appears.

Lentilcakes · 22/09/2026 08:15

Great to read that he texted back! I hope you have a lovely date and he turns out to be the love of your life! 🥰 please update though as I’m living vicariously through you!!

Original poster
BigSpongyHelmet · 22/09/2026 08:19

ANNotherWriter · 22/09/2026 08:11

Some posts here really puzzle me.

Look, OP, I wish you all the luck in the world on this. I sincerely hope he's a good man and it works out for you long term if you want that.

What I feel is unfair is the outcry at me and a few others when we've just suggested you might have taken a very simple step to make sure he was at least being honest with you. He arrived home days after you'd thought . I'd have raised an eyebrow and checked it out, even if only to confirm I'd misheard!

That's not outrageous and neither is checking out someone on social media. There are SO many threads here where women have been lied to, duped, etc and find out later. Day after day there are posts here from women who've been hurt, men lying etc.

It's common sense when meeting someone online or away from home to check that they are who they say they are. Especially when they live long distance.

I'm saying this as someone married for 40 years but was once duped by a man who did have a wife hidden away, who lived too far away from me to drop by and check him out (and before the internet existed.)

You're 52 and new to the dating scene again. It's great you've met this man and I DO hope it works out, but there are so many bastards out there it's really worth doing a bit of checking out beforehand.

All the best with it and I hope it works.

Edited

But what does him arriving home days after I thought matter, it doesn't affect anything and I'm happy to admit I may have got it wrong. I said in our messaging last night that I thought he was back last week and he said he's back at work this Thursday...maybe that's where the confusion lies? Drink was had on both sides, there were some crossed wires but still, what does it matter when he came home?

OP posts:
Original poster
BigSpongyHelmet · 22/09/2026 08:22

ANNotherWriter · 22/09/2026 08:14

NOT awful- looking out for her. But that's not allowed it seems. We have to throw common sense to the wind it appears.

Show quote history

Where have I thrown common sense to the wind? What exactly have I done to make you say that? Not stalked him on social media, do you suggest I should have asked his surname so I could do this? Not added him to WhatsApp to see his last seen or if he'd read my message when we didn't use WhatsApp? What else have I done/not done?

OP posts:
RonaldDahl · 22/09/2026 08:22

Movingonup313 · 22/09/2026 00:25

The op said

'we only swapped first names'.

In response I highlighted the range of personal data he seemed to impart (if being truthful) and suggested she may have given more than a FN.

No doubt your training will have highlighted how much data victims can inadvertently give away to people who come across as genuine. We have annual training/conferences and it is heartbreaking to see the real impact. I simply alluded to a scenario I have working knowledge of which might have explained the silence (and alerted OP and anyone else to these OCG).

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I don’t think people should be scared of normal, friendly, human interactions. There is nothing that suggests he was trying to steal OP’s identity. Romance scam - potentially, but still more likely to occur online.

Glad he got in touch OP, don’t send him any money for his mum’s hip replacement operation!

Original poster
BigSpongyHelmet · 22/09/2026 08:26

RonaldDahl · 22/09/2026 08:22

I don’t think people should be scared of normal, friendly, human interactions. There is nothing that suggests he was trying to steal OP’s identity. Romance scam - potentially, but still more likely to occur online.

Glad he got in touch OP, don’t send him any money for his mum’s hip replacement operation!

Show quote history

Ah dammit, already on its way...I'll cancel the cheque 😆

OP posts:
SoupSoup · 22/09/2026 08:34

BigSpongyHelmet · 22/09/2026 08:26

Ah dammit, already on its way...I'll cancel the cheque 😆

Show quote history

You have the patience of a saint, OP. For that alone, I hope your date back on home soil is as lovely as one could wish.

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